Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    Forgiveness

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    Kev
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    Join date : 2010-04-06
    Age : 58
    Location : Lovers' meadow/225 Broadband Boulevard
    Level : 60

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    Forgiveness

    Post by Kev on Wed May 10, 2017 4:44 pm

    Time: 2:47 PM
    Date: May 2, 0007

    Moving back into the cottage had taken some work, but the hardest part had been transferring the animals out of the city. Thankfully, such an undertaking was easier when your partner could dabble in a bit of mind control. Seated on a wooden bench on the front porch of his home, Kev stared out at the open meadow and the animals who frolicked in it. As they leaped through the bright grass and colorful flowers, he could tell the journey was well worth the satisfaction of seeing his pets roam free. True, there was a stone fence that kept everybody from wandering too far, but this plot of land was far bigger than the backyard of the city. Each black face of the sheep was buried in the blades of grass, dutifully watched over by Chester, Llama, and Biddy. Oscar was almost invisible among the green, only visible by his brown paws sticking up from the grass as the little dog was passed out on his back. Butch, James, and Percy seemed to be playing a doggy game, chasing each other around. The English Bulldog's shorter legs saw him being left behind, but that was alright as the bigger dogs continued their game of chase, Percy sniffed about in the ground. Eventually, his trusty nose unearthed a gray stone that was eagerly scooped up between his little teeth. Nub wiggling, the dog toddled off to make a new pile of rocks. Kev had no idea where Cujo was, and Tiresias and Penny were mostly likely stuck to Livewire like glue!

    With Shally inside somewhere with Marvin, that left a certain ebony canine nestling his chin on Kev's lap. Khaki fingers roamed between soft brown eyes, stroking down Metus' snout. The Great Dane always seemed to know when Kev was feeling bad and today was no exception. Sighing softly, he moved to scratch behind a perky ear. "Who's my good boy? Who's my Metty?" Thump, thump, thump. A thick tail wagged against the firm stone, and there was a smooth whine as he nudged his body head further onto the alien's lap. Both arms interlaced around the canine's head and neck. "I'm sorry..." A mouthless peck was pressed against the ebony fur. "I'll be alright, promise. I just...have to forgive myself!" A soft, pink tongue lapped at his cheek lightly. A shame that that was easier said than done.

    "I mean, I don't really, y'know, blame anyone for what happened. It just... happened, right? We all kissed and made up the next day after~ So, really, no harm, no foul."

    "Kev, you're being pretty hard on yourself--I know we both feel bad about what happened, but--he's right..."

    If Scaramouch and Lunette could already forgive Kev for what happened...why couldn't he forgive himself? The very thought had the scaly man nestling his head into the Great Dane's fur. The day after the initial disagreement had gone far better than he had hoped; Livewire and Scaramouch had forgiven him, and everybody was happy again. Lunette and Scaramouch's friendship was still ongoing and positive. His own friendship with the jazzy robot was positive too! And yet... Doubt continued to swirl around like sharks waiting to feast. Conversations with him had lead to Kev realizing that sometimes bad memories were partitioned. If something was harmful enough, the robot's processor just shoved them to the back. So could he truly be forgiven if Scaramouch didn't even remember everything that had happened? Was he truly at peace? Were it not for the partitioning, would he still be upset? And worst of all...

    "I just worry you might overthink yourself and hurt yourself."
    "I already did that, tho - I... I mean...!"

    His friend had been hurt because of the events that Kev set into motion that day. The cracked display, the broken heat sinks... That was his fault. How was he supposed to forgive that? What kind of awful friend does that?! Hurts somebody to the point that they...! Poor Scaramouch did so much overthinking that his body shut down and he'd fallen flat on his face! And that was his fault! If he hadn't been so defensive...! If he kept his 'mouth' shut... If he hadn't have shut down, leaving the android holding the bag and seemingly the reason behind Kev's behavior. Chest clenching painfully, a couple of fat tears began to roll down his scaly cheeks. No sooner had they started rolling down his chin than Metus tilted his snout up to lick them away. The sensation of a soft tongue rolling over his face worked to draw the alien out of his own thoughts, snorting softly. "Stop..." The dog refused, continuing to lap up any further tears that streaked down his face. Only once the stream stopped did Metus chuff softly and press his moist nose against Kev's stomach.

    A shaky sigh pushed its way out of him, the look in his eyes a little blank as he merely sat there and collected himself. As always, the action of crying was a tiring one, yet sorely needed. Now, he just felt a little empty. His only anchor to the world around him was the furry beast he was grasping onto. Bit by bit, he focused on other aspects of the world to tether himself to. The soft breeze caressing his scales. Happy yipping and frolicking among the grass. Breathing came more easily to him and finally, Kev closed his eyes to meditate. Reacting the way he had...made the alien feel weak. The type of weakness he thought he'd been rid of, leaving him feeling exposed. Stress had been high that day and hearing Livewire had been the cherry on top. It was as though a heavy weight had come down over his own mind. All he could think about was how many other families he'd seen come apart due to bad parenting. The suffering of children. And how, in that moment, he was no better than any of them.

    No better than Starscream, who treated Livewire like a pawn without any thought for her emotions or the way she had idealized him.

    No better than Vlad Masters, who had left Ttone all alone in a mansion.

    No better than Alex and Leo, who took their daughter from the only home she'd ever known and stole themselves away to some other world.

    No better than Tally, who couldn't handle disagreeing with a friend and in the end left Ttone all alone yet again.

    Of course, the truth is that Kev was better than them. By no means a perfect parent, but he didn't hide from his children. He wouldn't hide from what Scaramouch told him because there were truths to the robot's words. Livewire wasn't entirely organic, and she couldn't be treated like she was. The right thing to do was to improve, to overcome and be better. To take this advice and take steps to helping his adopted daughter. Being mindful was the key. His current situation was a bit trickier, of course. A good cry made him feel better, but it didn't lessen the guilt within himself. Not helping matters was the pure and simple truth that...he may disagree with Scaramouch again. The odds were very high that at the very least, there could be more conflict. Zurg had confirmed as much too! There was a very real fear there, that he might harm Scaramouch. How many times would heat sinks be burnt out? How many times was simply too much?

    Precognition wasn't a power of his, nor Fear's, so there was simply no way to be sure. Be kind, be thoughtful, be considerate...those had been Zurg's words of advice. Perhaps things wouldn't get so stressful next time. His parenting of Livewire was an....admittedly sore subject. Few subjects were nearly as volatile for him. This was a friendship Kev intended to see through to the end and grudges weren't a part of Scaramouch's nature. The two of them could be rather reasonable men...so surely any more disagreements would wind up alright in the end. They could always talk it out! Life was full of conflict sometimes, and he couldn't just run and hide. He merely...needed to keep a better handle on his emotions. That of course, left one thing for Kev to do.

    "You should work on forgivin' yourself, Kev, honest. You're a good person, even if you date spookums. Don't forget that, 'kay? I know we have our spats and hissy fits, but I think you're a real pleasure to hang around. If I didn't, I'd tell you to go screw your mother~"

    Fingertips scratched at the bottom of Metus' chin in thought. A good person, that's what Scaramouch called him. Funny, he didn't feel too much like a good person right now but...Kev knew that was just because he felt bad for the robot. When push came to shove, he really was a good person. He could have hidden from Scaramouch and Livewire, but instead, he fessed up and talked to them. He admitted he was wrong and they all came out the other side with a better understanding. Peering down at the black dog, he nuzzled his cheek against him lightly. "I make mistakes but I'm still a good person. I'm not awful for doing something wrong. I'm only awful if I continue to do those things or refuse to change." It was more for his own benefit than for Metus, but the return of a wagging tail plodding against stone seemed to mean that the canine approved regardless. A palm ruffled at the top of Metus' head before the alien rose from the wooden bench. "Let's go inside. I'll give you a spoonful of peanut butter for being such a good boy~" He cooed in a hushed whisper. The tall dog beat him inside easily with such tall legs, leaving Kev to follow behind with a small chuckle. He still felt a little bad, but he'd taken the first step in forgiving himself. The next steps would be easier.

    Things were not as awful and dire as they felt to be.


    _________________
    "I'm Kev, and I speak through the power of telepathy. It is represented by italics and the color code #33CC66."

      Current date/time is Sun Dec 17, 2017 7:04 am