Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    To Catch A Fool

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    Scaramouch
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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Scaramouch on Mon Apr 24, 2017 9:28 am

    "I wanna stay. I have to make sure both of those eyes are working, after all! You've only had the one to see me with, imagine how much I'll blow you away with your full vision returned to you."

    The robot answered with nothing but pure sass. "Sorry, babe, but not even 3D will suddenly make your mouth-work any better~!" Tit-for-tat. Anywho, innuendo out of Scaramouch's system for now, the robot's attention became laser-focused. Whatever Kev said or did next, even a slight wiggle of his scales, it will be scrutinized with extreme prejudice. "So it was just a fling, then." Huh, that wasn't... so bad? It was still pretty gross, but cuddling a rotten husk was way, way better than shacking up with it. Scaramouch could maybe live with that.

    Maybe.

    "Okay, well, I get that you two are bleeding hearts," he responded with a gesture of his hand, "but that still doesn't mean every Tom, Dick, and Harry you meet is gonna have a heart of gold, y'know? If it walks like a goose and honks like a goose..." Need the robot finish his statement? Hearing this was all very sad. Extremely sad, and Scaramouch found himself shaking his head in mild disbelief. "Alright, sure - I can understand being reckless and excited. Who isn't when in love, babe? Even I'm guilty of that." But to date a shambling cadaver...? Kev, he could understand. The alien wasn't exactly the walking epitome of societal norms. Lunette, though? Geeze... A thought struck him. It wasn't a particularly good one, either. "Oh man," he muttered beneath his breath, frowning. "Either he really was a charmer, or her standards are like, really low. Like, lowest of the low. I'm talkin' crème de la scum, babe." Why no, that wasn't the sound of Scaramouch's self-esteem crashing and burning. Why would you think that? Anyway...

    Something wasn't adding up. Again, the robot surmised that he had only a fraction of the entire picture despite learning about Lunette and spookum's brother. He had a feeling (a small one) that it'd stay this way too. Unless...

    Always the thinker, Scaramouch pensively tapped his chin. "Hmm... I just don't get it," he remarked aloud. "Like, mistakes and breakups aren't a new thing to me, or to anyone who has dipped their paddies in romance, but if this guy is really as sweet as she thought he was, then... why all the aversion, babe?" Guess the alien needed a bit more than that, huh? Hopefully this wouldn't be against his better interests... "I guess the reason I'm struggling to understand this," continued Scaramouch, "is because Lunette and I kinda had the same problem. But you, like, knew that already, right? I mean, it's fairly obvious. Saw you eyeballin' my library book." Anyway! Heels once again went - ...clik! ...clik! ...clik! - down the concrete, the robot motioning for Kev to follow along. "Anyway, that's not stoppin' me from tryin' to make things right," he said. "If there were mistakes, there were also solutions, y'know what I mean, Kev, babe? Although I can't speak for spookum's brother, I think only the world of Lunette. She's sweet, thoughtful, and has some killer kinks, babe! Who would honestly throw in the towel with a loving dame like that?" Now him, he could definitely see. Scaramouch could be a downright bastard when he wanted to be, and his morals weren't quite as airtight. Slaughtering a village and a sizeable portion of its children wasn't something he lost sleep over.

    Hello, low standards.

    "Eh... I think she deserves way better, honestly." That included himself. "It's kinda... sad. I hate seein' Lunette hate herself so much, because she really is a good person, but it's like I told her: she oughta talk about these things. Maybe if she did, she wouldn't feel so bad, y'know?" Hey, it worked for Scaramouch! ...Sorta!
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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Kev on Mon Apr 24, 2017 10:16 am

    Yeouch. One moment he's flattering you, now even 3-D vision wasn't gonna make you anymore desirable! Oh, the agony! Enough to tear an alien's heart in two! But before he could sniffle back any crocodile tears, the robot was still attempting to understand the nature of Lunette and Mortis' relationship. Kev hummed, tapping his chin with an index finger. "Honestly? I don't think they'd even count as that. She had feelings for him, I think he was developing feelings for her in return when things went belly up." Did that even have a name?

    Bleeding heart, huh? When Fear said it, that was one thing, but to hear it from Scaramouch now too? The scaly man snickered softly. "Oh, I know. I've had a few times where I find a heart of coal instead. But I've been surprised by a heart of gold just as often." Sometimes it was worth it to take a chance. Some people made you regret ever giving them the hand of friendship, but he was a true bleeding heart. The robot turned a bit more pensive, pondering over Lunette's standards. He arched a brow, looking him up and down. "You're kidding, right? I mean, I don't exactly have a portfolio of everyone she's dated in her life...but I trust her judgment! Present company definitely included, though I suppose with Fear in mind, you think I have low standards too." In which case, Kev could whistle and sing any compliment and it wouldn't ring true for Scaramouch.

    Well, he had to hand it to him, the robot definitely wasn't stupid. He knew there was something missing from this story, a rather big piece. In the process, he opened up just a tad bit more and informed Kev that the two of them had a similar issue. Details were not needed, though he had to applaud Scaramouch again for noticing the alien reading the front of his book. For his part, Kev ducked his head and had the decency to look embarrassed. Peeking at another man's book was pretty rude, after all. Those heels resumed their march forward, and this time the alien was bringing up the rear as he jogged behind the robot to catch up. Those legs weren't just for show...!

    "Some people are just different!" Kev remarked as he caught up, pace slowing to a more casual walk. "I mean, I dig what you're throwing down! Fear and I have fought long and hard to be together, you know? I've lost three friends because I had feelings for him. At no point did I toss in the towel, because he's worth it! But I've seen tons of relationships fail. Some people just can't cut it. Fighting for someone brings you into new and undiscovered territory. People prefer what they know." He held up both hands in a brief gesture of cluelessness. Not everybody could be lovers like the two of them.

    Poor Lunette... "I hate seeing her hurt like that too. I hope I helped when I talked to her the other night...sometimes it's hard to talk about these sorts of things." Present company included as Kev found himself rubbing his brain cells together to find a way to explain this. "Fear and his brother are...very dark beings. I'm sure you've uh...seen as much. It goes even further than that because prolonged contact with the living can make people go insane. It isn't something they consciously do, it's just...part of what they are. That's what Fear warned them about." Before Scaramouch could think to ask since Kev and Fear definitely shared prolonged contact, the alien laid a hand on his own chest lightly. "Now, I underwent training before Fear and I got really cuddley. Made peace with my beasts, strengthened my mental fortitude. Things to make sure nothing would happen. Lunette didn't do any of that because she seemed unaffected by those awful feelings. It was too late that the two of them realized...that was because somebody was ridding her of that corruption and letting it eat themselves up instead." And there it was. Perhaps the largest puzzle piece for Scaramouch to digest.


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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Scaramouch on Mon Apr 24, 2017 10:51 am

    "...Not even as a fling!?" Golly. The more and more Scaramouch heard about all this, the faster he assumed it wasn't Lunette's past relationship with Spookums No. 2 that was troubling her. No... No, it had to be something else. But what?

    "You're kidding, right? I mean, I don't exactly have a portfolio of everyone she's dated in her life...but I trust her judgment! Present company definitely included, though I suppose with Fear in mind, you think I have low standards too."

    Scaramouch merely huffed; however, the robot would be a liar if he didn't appreciate Kev's touching (if not misguided) words of encouragement. "No arguing there," was his candid opinion on the alien's standards, "but I'll be real with you, babe. I'm damaged goods - a real piece of recycled scrap - and I don't know what you chuckleheads see in a used, outmoded 'bot like me. If I had to legitimately weigh myself, my heart would be made of the cheapest tin." So yes, Kev could whistle the sweetest tune ever heard and the robot still wouldn't be persuaded to think otherwise. Scaramouch wasn't mopey about any of what he said, though. In fact, he confided in the alien rather... nonchalantly, as if everything was simply matter-of-fact. Maybe to the robot, it was.

    "Some people are just different! I mean, I dig what you're throwing down! Fear and I have fought long and hard to be together, you know? I've lost three friends because I had feelings for him. At no point did I toss in the towel, because he's worth it! But I've seen tons of relationships fail. Some people just can't cut it. Fighting for someone brings you into new and undiscovered territory. People prefer what they know."

    Holy moly, three friends ditched Kev because he liked spookums?

    "...Wow. With friends like those, who needs enemies, babe?" He didn't voice it (certainly not with Kev right there), but Scaramouch wasn't really... sold on friendship. Oh sure, acquaintances and small-time networking was fine and all; it's who you know these days, right? But friends... oof! That was a mixed bag of chips and the robot frankly didn't care much for getting stabbed in the back. He did, however, appreciate Kev's sense of loyalty to his beloved deceased. "Hon hon hon~!" Scaramouch couldn't help but laugh, his processors tickled pink. "Look at you, championing for spookums in the name of love~! I gotta take my hat off to ya, babe; not a lot of folks would stick their neck out on the chopping block for society's outcasts. Damn decent of you, if not a lil' stupid." In a good way, though. "But yeah, you hit the nail right on its head. Folks like familiarity and comfort. Why go out of their way if it means they'll be hurt, y'know? Shame about your pals, but I think you did the right thing, babe. If your happiness with spookums is genuine, all the pain in the universe is worth it. So worth it." Man, it sure was agonizing to be a romanticist.

    Their conversation once again drifted to Lunette and the robot sobered up, his smile fading. "Yeah, I kinda... figured," Scaramouch faintly mumbled. There was something quite unnatural about Kev's boyfriend, and it wasn't just because the guy was an animated corpse. There was a feeling - a dark feeling - and the robot absolutely did not like it. Made him feel... awful. Almost downright self-destructive. Worrisome, right?

    He was about to open his mouth before Kev shut the robot's trap. "...You trained?" Scaramouch asked, confused. Talk about dedication to the cause, babe! "Well, I... huh! I actually would have never guessed," he admitted. You know, as creepy and gross as Kev's relationship was with spookums, the robot had to give them credit; those two were really over the moon for each other. It was kinda... cute.

    ...Y'know, in a creepy and gross way.

    Despite having all these answers, more questions wormed their way into Scaramouch's head. "Okay, so... you trained and now you can tolerate spookum's insufferable aura. How come Lunette didn't do...?" Aaaaaand that's when it all clicked. The moment Kev disclosed that someone had been sacrificing themselves for her sake, Scaramouch witnessed everything unfold right in front of his optic. He stopped in his stroll and released a slow, lengthy exhale. "...Her friend," he sighed, quiet. It had to be. It had to be. Cyan diodes looked Kev straight in his eyes. "Thaaaaaat explains it. It wasn't their relationship - if you can call it that - but the fact that they were careless with his aura and got her friend... axed. Now he's no longer with us." Never let it be said that Scaramouch wasn't a fast study. Robot, remember? He felt himself shaking his head more and more. "...What did I stupidly traipse into?"
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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Kev on Mon Apr 24, 2017 5:16 pm

    "Not even as a fling." Kev confirmed. People said it was better to have loved and lost, but what about those situations where love didn't fully blossom before it was lost? 'Damaged goods' earned a puzzled blink from the alien, as the term usually meant something different than what Scaramouch was intending. It was strange to hear the robot refer to himself as 'outmoded' and 'scrap' as if he were describing the clouds in the sky. The more time he spent with this flute playing metal man, the more he realized just how alike they were. A hand waved in the air flippantly, the scaly man scoffing. "Better cheap tin than a mound of bloody flesh! Sounds cleaner." Hmhm~! "But hey, you're in good company. I'm just a scaly alien without a mouth who apparently has low standards. I've been friends with worse." Much, much worse.

    "...Wow. With friends like those, who needs enemies, babe?"

    Indeed. For as much pain as the likes of Ridley had put him through, the trials and tribulations he endured on behalf of a handful of people he deemed 'friend' seemed more devastating than the trauma of the Space Dragon. Perhaps it was because he had never trusted Ridley. "Yeah, but thankfully I had more friends who were decent about it. As you can imagine, accepting my choice in a boyfriend was a hard pill to swallow but the majority of my friends managed it alright." That strange little laugh sounded from Scaramouch again, but Kev found it more bearable this time. With a small chuckle, he removed his hat with a flourish and paused to bow. "Thank you! Stupid comment and all~." Winking to show there were no hard feelings, the alien straightened his back up and returned the straw hat to its rightful place atop his dome. "I'm glad you think I did the right thing! It's nice to hear." Especially after all of the arguing he had done in the past. "He's great to me, and we've really grown together. If I hadn't met him...I don't know where I'd be right now. As for comfort," he sputtered softly. "I'm the type of person that'll forgo comfort to do what feels right in my guts. Standing by my spookums was right. And in the end, it paid off" Kev had a loving boyfriend to come home to, as well as work with. For the first time in a long time, he had a family.

    Ah, but romance can only make a robot grin for so long as Kev unraveled some rather dark truths for him. Beloved boyfriend or no, Fear was still a Dark Judge. As was his brother. Scaramouch wasn't wrong to be a little freaked out by the ghoul. Puffing his chest out proud, Kev smacked himself right where a pec would be if he were more developed. "Of course! These gams didn't grow on their own. I went through the wringer physically, emotionally, and mentally, but it was all worth it to come out the other side a better person. And, you know, to help me with his aura." Especially since the psychic bond with him lead to a bit of bleed. Earning an immunity to Fear's face was a nice plus too!

    Once again, Scaramouch came to a stop, Kev more attentive this time as his gaze never left the other's face. He stopped to stare back, watching the gears in the robot's mind turn as he exhaled slowly. With this detail, the musician had a more complete story to work with. Yes, the relationship itself had not been an issue so much as the unintended consequences from the two becoming close. And what's more, he was even able to figure out who'd been saving Lunette. "Exactly." Clever robot. There had been a reason why he briefly mentioned another suitor at the beginning of this tale, after all. "Yeah, it's...a pretty complicated little mess. Her friend did come back to life after, but I don't think that helped Lunette feel less guilty. And since he left in the end...honestly, I can't give you any insight there. He just...left." The poor rabbit man.

    "Fear's brother withdrew after that happened. Lunette has been...steady enough I think, though antsy. She'd ask me about him occasionally. You may have traipsed into one heck of a mess, but she's been happier since you've been here. Obviously not without a few speedbumps but... She's been smiling more and she's been so cuddley. She likes you, even if she might be afraid." The question now, was Scaramouch afraid to continue? Was he still willing to fight for Lunette, now that he knew what had happened?


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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Scaramouch on Mon Apr 24, 2017 6:29 pm

    Jesus, Mary, Joseph... this love triangle was just intense. Exciting, but intense. He rolled his optic at Kev's offbeat humor. Aliens, oi. "Did you conveniently tune out the part about it being cheap?" Scaramouch jeered. Cheap, babe, cheap! Like, made in China cheap. Actual beating hearts were pretty disgusting, though, not gonna lie... The robot had never been a fan of blood. It was just so... sticky, and it stained like nobody's business. "Friends with worse, huh? I dunno know about that, babe... I've done a loooot of sketchy jobs over the years. You'd be surprised what folks are willin' to pay for." Hey, if the price was right and the danger was negligible, Scaramouch was the 'bot to call. He didn't ask questions or worry about the details. Maybe this Aku-free world was gonna be different, however? Maybe, maybe...

    He looked down at the alien. "What, are you everybody's friend or somethin'?" Honestly, the robot could see that. If Kev was, losing three friends wasn't so bad, then. Unless, of course, they were long-time friends. That would have stung. Nothing like a good betrayal to get the heart aching! Kev's little bow and flourish of his hat earned a crooked half-smirk out of Scaramouch, and the robot responded with a light punch in the alien's arm. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," he grumbled, obviously having enjoyed the display. "You're still dumb for that awful nickname. Keep walkin' and talkin', you scaly PITA. I don't got all day to be handin' you free compliments~!" But yes, he did think Kev had done the right thing, and he knew this by the way Kev and his spookums looked at each other. Love is sure strange, innit? And, in the alien's case, it was definitely blind. "Ha~! Screw 'em," Scaramouch casually remarked. "Anyone who stands in the way of you lovin' that corpse, no matter how disgusting it is, needs to mind their own business. You're an adult, ain't ya? If you get burned, you get burned. And if you don't, cool. It's still your judgement call, babe." Check out those gams, though... Oh yes, Kev had absolutely made the right choice.

    "Yeah, it's...a pretty complicated little mess. Her friend did come back to life after, but I don't think that helped Lunette feel less guilty. And since he left in the end...honestly, I can't give you any insight there. He just...left."

    Come back to life... You know, that'll never not sound weird. This place was freaky. Dried leaves crunched beneath his heels as they continued their leisurely stroll, the park filled with sounds of children laughing and critters going about their daily routine.

    "So her friend left and Spookums No. 2 tucked his tail and ran... I'm sensin' a pattern here." Considering the robot was a coward in his own way, yep. "Do organics, like, enjoy havin' their hearts broken? Because I'll be honest with you, babe; a lot of you soft, fleshy things suffer from extraordinarily bad pickers." But, then again, so had he in the past. Guess it was an emotional thing. He couldn't help but smile, however. "...Really, she's happier?" Aw, that was kinda touching! ...And, y'know, concerning. Now came the part Scaramouch dreaded to think about: does he continue on this star-crossed path and see what happens, or does he shy away from risk and settle for the usual? That smile only widened. "Well~!" he began in sing-song, pulling his paddy hat down a lil'. "It's a good thing I'm also known as Scaramouch the Stubborn, babe!" If given the chance to finish a mission, even as a bouncing, scatting, disembodied head, he'd do it and he'd do it with style. "I ain't afraid," insisted the robot. "What's the worst that can happen, y'know? Even if it doesn't work out, there's gonna be no hard feelings on my part and I'd be fine just bein' her friend. I just want her stayin' happy." Because a dame like Lunette didn't come around twice, not even in the same century.

    Eh, alright... So he kinda was Scaramouch the Sucker - but don't go rubbing that in, ya hear!? Also, he was gonna ask a favor. You ready to help Waldo again, Kev? Of course you were, because you were also a giant sucker~! Holding up the book tucked beneath his arm, the robot unabashedly revealed its entire cover - The Psychology of Dating: a Practical Guide to Romance - and drummed his metal fingers against the laminate with a playful - rappa-tap-tap! "See this paperweight?" Scaramouch asked, frowning. "I can't read this - it's pure schlock, babe! I don't even know why I bothered rentin' it in the first place." Curiosity, probably. He shrugged and idly waved the book around. "I mean, it's got some valuable tidbits, but I don't wanna trudge through pages upon pages of psycho-babble, y'know what I'm sayin', babe? Boring!" It was tempting to throw the book into a nearby pond with the geese, but Scaramouch had a funny feeling (just a small one) that the librarian would have his head on a silver platter.

    So this is where Kev came in.

    Grinning as if he just committed a cardinal sin, the robot lightly - thok! - smacked the book atop Kev's head. "Help me out here, will ya? You got some worldly experience with romance, babe. I just got some experience with... other things." And he was gonna leave it at that. "Man-to-man, whaddaya think about all this? Sing like a canary for me, babe! I'm worth it, promise." You wouldn't leave a friend hanging, would you, Kev?
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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Kev on Mon Apr 24, 2017 8:12 pm

    "I have low standards, remember?" Cheap, expensive, it didn't matter here, babe! Not to this little alien. Sketchy jobs sure were a thing, huh? The life of an assassin didn't usually prove to be a clean one, but even here Kev could only offer a small shrug. "I've known mercenaries. They can't get much sketchier than you, right? Besides...I can't really judge you for what you've done in another world. I can only judge you based on what you do here!" And the things he did on Portal Breach so far? Scaramouch was looking to be one smooth operator.

    Blinking back up at the robot, Kev made a noncommittal noise. A hand wavered back and forth in a 'so-so' gesture. "Eh, sort of. I've been here 7 years, managed to befriend a lot of people. I guess I am 'everybody's friend' but I'm trying to be...clever, about it. You know? Make better decisions on who I get close to." Which of course, implied that the alien thought well of Scaramouch. Enough to cozy up to him, flirt, and pay for his repair. The robot obviously enjoyed the little bit of showmanship, even if he tried to play it off by giving him a soft punch to the arm and grumbling. Snickering like a gremlin, his bright eyes peeked out from under the brim of his hat. "Yes, I suppose even I can only take so much flattering in one day!" Huhu, PITA... The alien suddenly gained an extra bit of pep in his step, gesturing eagerly to the robot. "You see--thank you! That's what I had been saying! I'm an adult and I make my own choices! I've always tried to respect when others make their own romantic decisions, even if I don't agree but..." Kev scoffed suddenly, hands shoving themselves into the pockets of his shorts as he eyed the horizon. "Well, screw 'em. Like you said." If they couldn't be happy for him, that was their loss.

    Kev's pace eventually lost the small leap it had taken, the alien falling back into line alongside the robot. Leaves were crunching in a satisfying manner, the other denizens enjoying the park blissfully ignorant to the serious discussion between the two of them. For the best, really, as this tale was meant for Scaramouch only. "Huh. You know, I hadn't noticed a pattern until you said something. That's pretty interesting." And it went hand in hand with certain others who had ducked out in the past. "I know I don't enjoy my heart being broken but...I've known a few masochistic people in the past who seemed to angle for the jerks and flakes. I like to think I'm better at picking in the past, but honestly, Fear's been my best choice." Which wouldn't mean much with Scaramouch's low opinion on the ghoul but...it was something. "Sometimes it seems like people just like to get hurt so they have something to talk about. Other times...people just put their trust in the wrong person." Just a sad fact of life, which made it even sweeter when two lovers actually found each other. "Mhm! I think so at least. She just seems...perky when I see her, lately." Barring the most recent developments of course, but even that could be temporary.

    "Well~! It's a good thing I'm also known as Scaramouch the Stubborn, babe! I ain't afraid, What's the worst that can happen, y'know? Even if it doesn't work out, there's gonna be no hard feelings on my part and I'd be fine just bein' her friend. I just want her stayin' happy."

    Kkkrrr~!

    Like catnip for any diehard romantic! Kev trilled shamelessly and squinted his eyes up at the robot, openly proud of the other's decision to continue onward! Fighting in the name of love, oh that was true courage. Scaramouch was even gallant enough to insist that Lunette being happy was what he wanted most! "Aaw...~! You're such a doll, you know that? So cute!" He gushed with a soft squeal. All men in the world, take note. This was how you approach 'wooing'!

    Now, of all things to happen next, let the record show that the mouthless alien did not expect for Scaramouch to blatantly show off his book to Kev, fingers drumming along the cover as though he were revealing some mystic artifact. Again, his bright blue eyes roamed over the words that made up the title. A very long title, basically a guide for dating. Just as easily as he revealed the thing, the robot shot the book down as a waste of time, insisting that it was a boring read to search for some prime nuggets. With a big ole grin, the metal piper lightly smacked Kev's dome with the book. Not enough to hurt, but enough to make him jolt with a blink. "Meeee? Really~?" He cooed in an almost drawn out fashion, eyes batting coquettishly. "The great Scaramouch, coming to me! Oh, I've waited for this day..." A giggled escaped the alien. This songbird was gonna crow baby.

    "Well! I'd say you're on the right track so far. You're attentive to her needs, trying to improve yourself, and eager to be whatever she wants. Whether that's a friend or a lover, remains to be seen. I guess that would be the first step!" Stepping back so he was out of range of the book, Kev cupped his own chin and began to stroke it like a true scholar. "Whatever it is that happened between you two, it's best if you talk to each other about it soon. Since Lunette was asking about you and asked me to let you know you did nothing wrong, I can only assume there was some sort of miscommunication. You'll have to talk with her and find out together if you both want to just work at being friends, or lovers. Or maybe even friendship with a transition into being lovers when you're both comfortable! It'll be important to set up some boundaries, like what types of affection you're both okay with. Letting her know that you're fine and comfortable will help ease her worries and your's." Kev tossed in a wink and a light elbow to the chest for the robot.

    "Giving her space is good since she has a lot on her mind, but space is a double-edged sword. Without proper communication, she might take your silence to mean you've lost interest, or that you're upset. Another reason to talk with her sooner rather than later. In the meantime, leaving little reminders for her are always nice. Little gifts to show you're thinking of her. After what happened, I think she's a little worried about going too fast but I think once you've smoothed out the wrinkles and come to a decision about where to go with her, you'll both feel better. Just let her know that you've got all the time in the world. Follow her lead when it comes to the touchy feely stuff. If she's touching and cuddling you, she's probably open to receiving affection in return." At the rate Kev was gabbing, you'd think he thought himself to be some sort of love guru. ...Chances were, he did fancy himself something like that. Leaning towards the robot, the alien tilted his head up as if he were trying to whisper to the other.

    "Honestly? I think you both deserve to be happy and there's a good chance you'll be very happy together! No pressure though, because your needs matter too." And Kev made sure to punctuate this with a small finger prodding Scaramouch's chest. "So be open and honest with her when the both of you talk. Relationships are a lot of give and take, and the best kind involves both parties giving and taking. If somebody's not giving enough or taking too much, that's gonna end up bad. So let her take care of you sometimes. I know you're damaged goods but...if she's the right one, you can trust her." This little twittering bird was yacketing yakking like a gossipy hen, but the flow of words gibbering from Kev's mind was finally beginning to decrease. He pulled away from the robot, eyes expectant and eager. "Any questions so far? Or comments? I'd hate to be selling you exactly what you read about in that book of your's." That'd be plum embarrassing.


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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Scaramouch on Tue Apr 25, 2017 1:19 am

    Low standards and indifference to past mercenary work? It was confirmed - Kev's just one sick, abused puppy. Guess it would be a bad, bad thing to mention slaughtering a village and a good handful of its children, huh...? Yeeeeah, Scaramouch was gonna be tactful about that one. "Uh, yeah, sure, like other mercenaries, babe. Totally. ...Didn't I mention that I was Aku's most favored assassin? Doesn't that, like, ring a bell or...?" Oh right. No one here really knew about Aku, let alone that name. The robot tried very hard not to look suspicious. "Y'know what? I'm just gonna... yeah." He's just gonna drop it, because there's no reason to - "Seven years!?" Kev has been stuck in this place for nearly a freakin' decade...? ???? WHAT!? A panicking Scaramouch slapped both hands upon his face in horror. "Oh my god, oh my god..." he muttered, shocked. "I'm in, like, Hell! That's what this is, isn't it!? I freakin' died somehow and now I'm in - wait, doesn't that mean...?" He suddenly felt himself up and down. "...Huh! No, I still feel pretty solid and everything's here. And surely I couldn't be dead, because that would mean I had, like, a soul, right, babe? A soul, ha! Robot's don't have souls. That's silly." Unless...? You know what? No. No.

    The robot settled down with an exhausted, definitely irritated sigh. "Every day I remain online here - every freakin' day - it's yet another existential crisis, y'know what I'm sayin', babe? Seven years... I feel like tearing myself apart and it hasn't even been a month!" No wonder Kev was missing a few marbles in that glossy melon of his! This place was Hell! Or... something, something equivalent to it! A fitting fate, he supposed, considering mercenary work was full of bad karma. Anyway...

    Masochists, jerks, flakes - you name it, Kev knew it. The revelation earned a curious glance out of Scaramouch, but he didn't feel it wise to pry. "Seven years trapped in this joint, and spookums is your best choice... Oof! I got a looooong climb ahead of me, babe." And he was in heels.

    "Aaw...~! You're such a doll, you know that? So cute!"

    Pffft!

    Scaramouch shot Kev's gushing down real quick. "Aku's. Most. Favored. Assassin," he explained slowly, mocking the alien as he pointed to himself. "Do you, like, know what an assassin is, babe? Because I feel like you do." Heck, knowing his luck, Kev probably dated one of those too. "I'm only nice to you guys because you are shockingly decent to me, get it? If you were like every other organic I met back home, high and mighty simply because you got blood coursin' through your veins instead of oil, I wouldn't bat an optic cuttin' you down a size." Hint hint: that meant kill, babe. A metal finger prodded Kev in the chest and quickly zipped up, flicking the alien on his nose. "A-sass-iiiiiiiiin." Use those context clues. The robot dug being called a 'doll', though~!

    "Meeee? Really~? The great Scaramouch, coming to me! Oh, I've waited for this day..."

    Fans rattled. "Mm... I'm startin' to regret askin' you for - ?" Ask and you shall receive, because when Kev got an opportunity to crow? Yeah, when Kev got an opportunity to crow, he apparently wouldn't stop until the sun rose high in the sky. The little canary might as well have been a repressed cock!

    "Well! I'd say you're on the right track so far. You're attentive to her needs, trying to improve yourself, and eager to be whatever she wants. Whether that's a friend or a lover, remains to be seen. I guess that would be the first step! Whatever it is that happened between you two, it's best if you talk to each other about it soon. Since Lunette was asking about you and asked me to let you know you did nothing wrong, I can only assume there was some sort of miscommunication. You'll have to talk with her and find out together if you both want to just work at being friends, or lovers. Or maybe even friendship with a transition into being lovers when you're both comfortable! It'll be important to set up some boundaries, like what types of affection you're both okay with. Letting her know that you're fine and comfortable will help ease her worries and your's."

    "W-Well, I-I d..."

    "Giving her space is good since she has a lot on her mind, but space is a double-edged sword. Without proper communication, she might take your silence to mean you've lost interest, or that you're upset. Another reason to talk with her sooner rather than later. In the meantime, leaving little reminders for her are always nice. Little gifts to show you're thinking of her. After what happened, I think she's a little worried about going too fast but I think once you've smoothed out the wrinkles and come to a decision about where to go with her, you'll both feel better. Just let her know that you've got all the time in the world. Follow her lead when it comes to the touchy feely stuff. If she's touching and cuddling you, she's probably open to receiving affection in return."

    "B-B..."

    "Honestly? I think you both deserve to be happy and there's a good chance you'll be very happy together! No pressure though, because your needs matter too. So be open and honest with her when the both of you talk. Relationships are a lot of give and take, and the best kind involves both parties giving and taking. If somebody's not giving enough or taking too much, that's gonna end up bad. So let her take care of you sometimes. I know you're damaged goods but...if she's the right one, you can trust her."

    "U-Um..."

    "Any questions so far? Or comments? I'd hate to be selling you exactly what you read about in that book of your's."

    Scaramouch could only stare, slack-jawed and bewildered into silence. "...Uh." So much for mouth-less aliens not being chatty. He snapped out of his stupor by the grace of Kev's prodding finger. "Wow," Scaramouch tried to laugh. "That was, um, a lot of stuff. Like, a lot a lot, uh..." The robot rubbed his arm, awkwardness creeping its way in. "I'm... I'm gonna need some time to process all that, no offense, babe. I-It's great advice, b-but..." Yeeeeeah. Consider his auditory processes a smidgen fried. Just a little bit.
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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Kev on Tue Apr 25, 2017 8:01 am

    Oh, right. Some guy named Aku's favorite assassin. Guess that meant Scaramouch got some high-end jobs? Taking down political figures and stuff. Whatever this Aku person didn't like! "The assassin part rings a bell! No idea who Aku is." Probably a supervillain, if he had to guess. Like Zurg! Only Zurg had a cool title. Just Aku wasn't very intimidating. The robot seemed quick to drop that line of thinking for some reason, only to instantly latch on to Kev's admission that he'd been here for seven years. Hello there deja vu! The alien watched him with only slight amusement as his friend clasped at his own face in terror, then felt himself to make sure he wasn't some robo-ghost in Hell. A titter escaped the scaly man, brow arching as he observed these antics. "Nope, you're not in dead. If you were dead and in the afterlife, you wouldn't be so colorful!" The Pool of Souls was quite drab.

    Amusement faded into sympathy as Scaramouch seemed to realize he could be in this world for the long haul. "The first few weeks are always very hard. I didn't even know Basic when I first came here, and I was afraid of all the weird aliens I saw everywhere. I wish I could say that future existential crises were behind you but..." They were just beginning, honestly. Kev shuffled close, wrapping his arm around the robot in a gesture of comfort. "As long as you have people around who care about you, you'll get through it. I won't always understand but...I'm still here to listen. Even if it's with a dumb expression on my face!" Because oi, were robots more difficult than he realized. Kev was surprised Marvin didn't have any of these crises! Pressing his big ole melon into the robot's side, he snickered again. "I can loan you my climbing gear!" That oughta take the weight off of those heels! Before they, you know, snap.

    Releasing Scaramouch from his little side-hug, Kev blinked openly at the robot as he shot down any attempt to call him cute by reminding Kev that he was an assassin. "I do! At least, I think I do. You hunt people down and kill them. Right?" It wasn't exactly a noble job, true. Definitely an intimidating one but..."Good thing I'm not a jerk then!" He still wasn't batting an eye at Scaramouch's bloody past. The prod earned a puzzled look, and both hands quickly clasped around his nose to combat any further flickings. He scoffed playfully. "Now's probably a good time to mention that when Fear and his brother first came here, they wanted to eradicate all life. Part of why my decision to date him didn't fly over so well...though even when I was just his friend, I was catching flak. But your point still stands, I'm still an adult who can handle the consequences of my own decisions and I'm still happy with him!" A brief pause. "Also they obviously retired since this place isn't...a barren land of devastation and ruin. Point is, I don't mind that you are an assassin." Proooobably didn't help the robot's opinion that Kev had low standards, but oh well.

    Before poor Scaramouch could fully express his doubt, the robot instead found his processor slammed with the telepathic alien's advise. Words spilled out of him like water from a hose! It left the robot stuttering in his attempt to catch up, and only once Kev had jabbered every blasted word that had come to the forefront of his mind did he blink and take assessment of Scaramouch's stunned stare. He flushed, the emerald scales of his face bright before he tilted his own hat down to hide it. "S-sorry." At least the musician found it helpful! ...Even if the sheer mass of words meant he would have to sit down and go over it to actually pick out the true grains of wisdom. He flushed even more beneath the straw. "I'm so sorry. I got a little...excited. I just...really want the two of you to be happy, you know?" Gods, talk about some word diarrhea, huh?


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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Scaramouch on Tue Apr 25, 2017 8:58 am

    "...This place has a freakin' afterlife!?" Portal Breach: the existential crisis that just keeps giving and giving. No amount of whining and grimacing was ever gonna make Scaramouch feel better, but he was gonna do it anyway because it wasn't like he had anything else to do. "I can't believe this..." the robot groaned, demoralized. "Someone as fabulous and jazzy as me, Scaramouch, plucked from the height of infamy and arbitrarily throw into some no-name pocket universe where I gotta start all over again, ugh!" On the plus side, no Aku. On the downside, no prestige that came with completing Aku's dirty work. "Eh... What do I need money and status for, anyway? It's not like anything I cared for back home found itself here with me, because that would just be too convenient, right? Hmph, right..." Scaramouch was just gonna keep telling himself that and hopefully start believing it soon.

    "I wish I could say that future existential crises were behind you but..."

    Thanks, Kev.

    Like clockwork, metal reacted to the alien's touch and heated up, the robot's fans rattling. "Nyyyyyyargh, why are you hugging me...? Stop it, babe, stop!" It was no use. Once Kev attached himself at the hip, it was like the guy became a damn barnacle. Sigh... He just wasn't gonna fight it anymore. If he suddenly expired from another overheating spell and somehow offed himself for good, the robot would consider that a divine blessing.

    "Yeah, I hunt people down and kill them," Scaramouch grumbled. That was technically a very oversimplified way of describing his less-than-savory occupation, but sure, let's roll with it. Also, eradication of all life...? What? The bitter look on his face spoke volumes. "Of course," sighed the robot, "of course you and Lunette would develop feelings for a couple of mass murderers, what else, babe?" Was the alien, like, trying to make him feel better, or... what, exactly? Because it wasn't working. Scaramouch was gonna say it like it is. "Okay, first of all," he began, planting a metal hand onto Kev's face and firmly separating the two of them, "none of this is making me feel better. Secondly, do I need to, like, clarify just how low your standards are? Me, a freakin' assassin?" Trick question; the robot was gonna do it anyway. "The hierarchy goes like this, babe, so pay attention: jazz, terrifying demonic bosses, scatting robot assassins, normal people, normal people's standards, you, dog feces, dirt, the worms in the dirt, geese, Sutekh, and then your standards. Am I making myself crystal clear, babe?" Of course not, what was Scaramouch saying? This was Kev. Kev!

    "I'm so sorry. I got a little...excited. I just...really want the two of you to be happy, you know?"

    ...And then the little meshuggener went and said something cutesy like that. No matter how hard he tried (read: extremely hard), the robot couldn't stay mad forever. Metal grew hotter by the second. "Ick, is it gettin' warm out here or is it just me...?" Scaramouch muttered, fanning himself with the book. Hey, at least it was finally good for something. He tugged on his scarf and winced. "I-It's no big deal, babe. Just... Just quit touchin' me, alright? You're gonna short me out or somethin'..."
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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Kev on Tue Apr 25, 2017 10:13 am

    "Of course! Where do you think people go when they die? We don't immediately respawn back to life, there's like...a week of waiting in the afterlife and stuff. Completing a trial, growing as a person..." Kev rolled his wrist in a conversational manner. Seemed pretty 'by the books' as far as afterlives go, though he only had this one to base that on since he never died before in his own world. No amount of sweet words from Kev could help out poor Scaramouch on this front though! To go from a respected and well-known assassin to being a new guy in a big pond. Even Kev's scaly butt could whoop him, and that had to be embarrassing. "It's a rough situation." He agreed, tone rather muted. He'd already come to grips with the reality of being in this world and losing his home. Seven years would do that for you. But for the musical assassin...? This was still recent. Last month, he'd been tooting that flute as the top dog. Now he was here. With nothing but the clothes on his back, leaving behind whatever it was he loved in his world. Even sorry didn't seem big enough. The alien listened instead, feeling for the robot's plight. Only time would heal this wound.

    Scale to metal contact set his fans into a jittery rattle. The hiss of the blades was beginning to become familiar after several cuddle sessions in the Sanctuary! Why was he hugging on him? Bright eyes peeked up at him. "Because you're upset and friends hug each other when one of them is upset!" He proclaimed as if it was as clear as the nose on Scaramouch's face! A little squeeze was thrown into the mix, arms coiling like the body of a python. He felt kinda nice to hug...even as he continued to grumble and moan. He peered up at that bitter face with only the sunniest of expressions. "You say that like it's a bad thing. Things worked out with Fear and I, didn't they? I could just be lucky...but I prefer to think that's the power of treating people nicely." People respond better to positivity. Pure and simple! A metal palm flattened across his forehead and shoved Kev off, removed his arms with all the force of an octopus' suckers being removed from a target.

    "The hierarchy goes like this, babe, so pay attention: jazz, terrifying demonic bosses, scatting robot assassins, normal people, normal people's standards, you, dog feces, dirt, the worms in the dirt, geese, Sutekh, and then your standards. Am I making myself crystal clear, babe?"

    "..." He openly squinted up at the robot, fists firmly planted upon his hips. "That's messed up, Scaramouch." What in the heck kind of biased hierarchy was that? Jazz was at the top of the castle? And his standards were at the bottom?! "My standards aren't that low! They're surely not below--dog feces!" Kev huffed and puffed for a moment. "You meet all of my standards and you are above normal people and their standards! Does that not raise mine, too?" That was like math, right? Or something! The robot couldn't deny that logic!

    Apparently getting hotter and hotter the more they talked, Scaramouch moved to using his little guide as an impromptu fan. Arching a brow, Kev removed his hat and used that to fan him off too. "Even more reason to get those heat sinks checked out, right?" He winked with a trill. "I promise, no more touching 'til you're a hundred percent again!" Then and only then would he slather the metal musician with affections.


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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Scaramouch on Tue Apr 25, 2017 11:32 am

    "Of course! Where do you think people go when they die?"

    "Uh, the ground?" Was that even, like, a serious question? Apparently it was, because Kev, the lovable idiot that he was, went on about 'respawning' and 'trial' and - "What is this, a freakin' video game?" Scaramouch mouthed off. No, seriously! When people die - as in go to the big junkyard in the sky - they didn't come back after waiting a week in some after-afterlife. That was ridiculous! "...A rough situation. Seriously!?" That's all Kev could say about all of this? The robot was beyond flustered; he even rolled his optic and held up both hands, yielding solely out of frustration. "Y'know what? Forget I asked, babe. I don't wanna know, I don't care to know - I just wanna go about my now meaningless existence in peace." And then the alien went right back to talking about friendship again, ugh! Scaramouch's insides were starting to feel like a blazing inferno. "Because it is a bad thing, you bug-eyed, four-toed, two-John'd, mouthless FREAK." Murderers! Murderers! Kev and Lunette had a thing for murderers, ahghghghg!

    WARNING!! WARNING!!

    CPU Temperature: 78°C

    COOL DOWN IMMEDIATELY

    Hnnngh...!

    As much as Scaramouch enjoyed thinking about every available curse word in the book, the robot's failing cooling system had spoken. Wheeze... Wheeze... Wheeze...! He doubled over and weakly gripped his knees. "S... Slow down, b-babe...!" he rasped, waaay too overexerted. "You're, like, given' me a freakin' meltdown here...!"

    "That's messed up, Scaramouch."

    And he just laughed. Even when wracked with excruciating pain, Scaramouch found enough sass in his rattling frame to take the piss out of Kev one last time. "H-Hon, hon, hon~!" he croaked, shit-eating grin as wide as ever. "What's the matter, Kevvy, baby~? Don't like hearin' the truth? Sorry not sorry, babe, but your standards are absolutely skip-a-dip-dop-a-dog shi - " Pop! " - nnnngh, oh no...! I think I just lost another h-heat sink...!" Forget about the sweet, tender caresses, babe. Scaramouch was gonna be lucky enough to arrive at the mechanic's with his circuitry intact!
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    Re: To Catch A Fool

    Post by Kev on Tue Apr 25, 2017 12:04 pm

    "New world, new rules, Scaramouch." Was he really so skeptical, after everything else that was going on here?! Was the afterlife the stretch of logic here? Kev rolled his big ole eyes, only to turn flustered himself once the robot jeered his attempt to offer comfort. "I didn't know what to say! I can't go 'oh that's rough' or 'get over it', that's rude! It IS a rough situation!" It certainly wasn't a trip to the day spa! "Meaningless existence? No, we're going to the shop, remember?" There'd be no navel pondering until after he was all better! Though Kev was sorely tempted to pal around a bit more with the robot--!

    "Because it is a bad thing, you bug-eyed, four-toed, two-John'd, mouthless FREAK."

    Or maybe not! Both eyes widened, the alien absolutely gobsmacked as he absorbed each and every single one of those words and their meanings. It only took a moment for him to pull his hat to his own chest, fanning ceasing as his pupils narrowed into slits. "What the FUCK?!" He screeched, loud enough to get angry stares from nearby parents and set off a few amused giggles from their children. Kev ignored them all in lieu of staring at Scaramouch as if he'd lost his mind! "You didn't have to call me a freak! That's just mean Sca-"

    Wait, was that...wheezing? The robot was keeling over, grasping at his knees as if he was about to throw up! But he couldn't do that, right? "I'm giving you a meltdown...?" He felt pretty close to his own little meltdown after that barrage of little insults. Like, wow, babe. Scaramouch began to laugh like a damned hyena, though one spliced with an abominable goose. The grin he found so alluring became mocking, and the alien's gaze turned half-lidded as he fumed.

    "Don't like hearin' the truth? Sorry not sorry, babe, but your standards are absolutely skip-a-dip-dop-a-dog shi - "

    Pop!

    "..." Oh Gods. You had to be kidding. What sort of awful luck did he have? Today, on the day he wanted to take him in to be repaired...?! Either Scaramouch was worse off than he had realized, or Kev was just that frustrating/amusing/sexy! Still rather miffed, the alien found himself a little scattered now too. Even if he was a jerk, another lost heat sink didn't sound good. He huffed, reaching out for a thin robotic wrist, and began to shuffle forward at a quicker pace. He dragged the robot along behind him, wheezing all the way. "Come on, hurry! Before you blow another one!" What even was this day?!


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