Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    A Fishy House Call

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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Fear on Sun Oct 30, 2016 5:07 pm

    There you go, Min - er, Mitchell. Take a nice deep breath, clear your mind, and let goooo. Easier said than done, yeah? Fear nodded that oversized bucket of his as he stirred, listening to his cooking instructor go about some much needed self-healing. "I'd sssay you're in good company, then. After all, doesss anyone know how to forge their own dessstiny?" Blimey, not even Judge Death knew at the beginning. "You can't grow if you ssstand in sssomeone elssse'sss ssshadow," the helmeted fiend added, "ssso methinksss you getting a fresssh change of pace isss crucial for your persssonal development. Baby ssstepsss, Mitchell, baby ssstepsss. You can't russsh fate." Well, you could... but oftentimes at great, and typically dire, costs.

    Fear saw those mental piranhas doing what they did best, and he reached over with a figurative hand to shoo them away. Go on now, get! Trouble the talking trout no more. "Right," he agreed. Can't say the old codger would budge on technology, alas... There was just something about complicated gadgetry that Fear couldn't wrap his head around. But, oooh... bacon!

    ...What's bacon again, and how does it taste? Damn! He can't bloody seem to -

    "So, is this a special dinner for you and your partner? Like an Anniversary?"

    "Eh, what'sss that?" The decrepit ghoul found himself returning to the present, where a curious Minion had asked about the reasoning behind today's lesson. "Oh! No, nothing like that, ha ha," Fear chuckled to himself. "I jussst wanted to do sssomething heartfelt for him, that'sss all. Jussst a little gesssture of appreciation. He'sss, er... a bit cold-blooded, sssee. I figured a nice, warm bowl of sssoup would alleviate hisss woesss and warm hisss ssspiritsss. We've admittedly had a bit of a rough patch regarding certain individualsss..." A low, irritable grumble escaped yours truly, and his stirring only became more determined. If Minion wanted a nice puree, by golly he was going to get it. "Hypocritesss," he remarked with displeasure, out of the blue. "Hypocritesss and jealousss old friendsss, dusssted off with a heartbroken young girl. People jussst can't ssstand to sssee othersss happy, eh wot?" Or rather, an omnicidal maniac happy with a love-struck tree savage.

    There was a story peeking through the superfiend's words, though Fear didn't elaborate further. He couldn't, for he was quite taken with his task of whisking these poor, poor ingredients together. Don't look now, Minion, but you might want to intervene soon... The ghoul was making a right mess with his hands!
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Minion on Sun Oct 30, 2016 7:07 pm

    Despite himself, Minion couldn't help but to let out a little chuckle. "Good point... I guess everybody is born without instructions on what to do, right? And we all just...have to figure it out." The fish had been a witness to Megamind's own attempts to forge his path, the cyan alien left without the guidance of his parents. First he had become a villain, and then a hero. If he...if the real Megamind could make a comeback from that life, then so too could Minion. The lack of growth didn't used to affect him so much, feeling so content in that shadow. But overtime it became suffocating. Corners had grown in that shadow, boxing him in and leaving him trapped. A prison. The time had come for him to break out. Now he was free...free to be whatever Minion chose. "Baby steps. Right. Every step forward is progress, right?" Even the little ones, like going to a stranger's house to make dinner for him and his partner.

    Feeling a lot lighter now that he'd gotten those feelings off his chest, Minion went about his work with a smile gracing his scaly lips. Strips of lean bacon were draped over the wire rack. Mm, bacon...it tempted the fish to ask for a strip once it was cooked. Ah but, that would be rude! This wasn't for him... Glancing back to Fear out of the corner of his caramel eyes, Minion bobbed in the tank, about to repeat his question before the ghoul beat him to it. No Anniversary then! His brow arched upwards, curious about what the true reason could be.

    "He'sss, er... a bit cold-blooded, sssee."

    "Cold-blooded?" Minion echoed dumbly. For a moment, it crossed his mind that Fear meant his partner was cold-blooded as in cruel. Further details proved that Fear seemed to mean it much more...literally! Aside from a small blink, he didn't look too surprised by the detail. In a world such as this, there were probably a great many cold-blooded creatures. Minion himself was actually cold-blooded! Hearing the woe of these two lovers, the fish clasped his metal hands together with a soft "Aaw..." Although it was not to celebrate a special day, the dinner was no less important! "I'm sorry to hear that you two have been having troubles... It seems like love can be very hard for others to accept. Especially when jealous suitors are thrown into the mix..." His thoughts turned to the red head turned hero. Had Megamind known that Hal had a creepy obsession with Roxanne, he would never have given him such powers. The boy just couldn't take no for an answer! His head shook from side to side within the tank, as if disappointed. Perhaps in a way, he was disappointed in Hal. Playing the young man's space step-mom might have rubbed off on him a bit.

    "I'm sure he will be very grateful that you thought of him like this. And for what it's worth, I find it very sweet of you!" There was still one fish who could stand to see them happy! Finished with the bacon, Minion stepped over to check out Fear's work and instantly winced at what he saw! Both robotic hands reached out, one clasping the bowl while the other settled on the ghoul's whisk hand. "Ah! T-thank you for getting this started for me! But you um...might find those ingredients on the floor if you keep going like this!" He smiled sheepishly, almost apologetic. "Just...a bit slower, yeah?" He released the thick skeletal hands, taking a step backwards to observe. He gave the man a little gesture to continue. Minion would keep watch to offer pointers and make sure they didn't lose the bowl!
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Fear on Sun Dec 11, 2016 10:26 pm

    "Baby steps. Right. Every step forward is progress, right?"

    "Right," Fear encouraged, rigidly nodding.

    You know what could really benefit from more baby steps, though? The undead's cooking. It was positively horrid! Try as he might, Fear was a smidgen... oblivious when it came to edibles and their endless particulars. This was doubly so whenever he stepped into the kitchen and made a wretched mess. He glanced down at his decrepit feet, toes stiffly wiggling, and felt a great deal embarrassed. "O-Oh..." Well, damn... That's what the undead gets for being excited and thinking about Kev's smile when he spots tonight's dinner. "R-Right, ssslower..." Easier said than done. Why does everyone underestimate rigour mortis?

    It wasn't terribly smooth, but Fear managed to slow his whisking just enough to keep everything (or what was left of everything) in the bowl. "You reckon?" he asked, in regards to Mitchell finding the sentiment heartfelt. Tickled the undead pink, it did! "My guypal can't eat many thingsss," Fear happily spoke up, "but that'sss no obssstacle! You jussst have to be creative, sssee. It takesss a bit of extra work feeding sssomeone with no mouth, yet I remain determined. Sssimple dissshesss like warm brothsss and sssoupsss doesss the job fairly well." And both were better than, say, meat-paste or questionably coloured porridge. Soup must get dreadfully boring, though... The very thought elicited a concealed frown. "I wisssh there were other thingsss to make..." he sighed. "I can't keep making sssoup, eh wot?" An idea then struck, however, and Fear was once again whisking excitedly. "Sssay, you're a real top chef! What do you think I ssshould learn how to make? Remember, it hasss to be sssoft and fairly liquid!"
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Minion on Sun Jan 15, 2017 1:44 am

    Right! And then a left, and another right...it was all a series of baby steps. When you take enough of those, you'll be surprised how far you can get. The thought brought a pleasant smile to his face, even as he had to face the ghoul's...need for practice with his cooking. Shockingly, the undead man looked and sounded incredibly shamed. Much like a child being scolded! It made Minion blink for a second, before reaching out to place a robotic hand on his bony shoulder. "You are still doing a very good job! Everything's getting all mixed up in just the right way!" It felt strange, to offer reassurance to such a tall and sturdy being, but it came natural none the less. That's what happens when you basically raise a young alien from childhood to adulthood all on your own. With a reassuring grin, he released the corpse and stepped back to observe.

    With a jovial sort of chuckle, Minion pumped a fist upwards. "At the risk of sounding like a country singer...yes I do 'reckon', pardner!" He drawled in a stereotypical Southern accent. The joking settled down as Fear went on, explaining that his partner was unable to eat a vast majority of food. Something about...not having a mouth? The fish couldn't help a confused look, even as he tried to rationalize some a thing. Without a mouth, however did this lover consume his soup? "A...ha. I see." Even though he didn't at all, but at this point he was wondering if the mouthlessness was a disfigurement from an accident. Wouldn't be polite to ask about that. Just as the corpse began to bemoan the lack of food choices, he suddenly perked up in a flash and whisked away. Inquiring his hired help about the kinds of food one could make that were soft and liquid.

    "Hm...!" Every fishy appendage began to wiggle as he put on his thinking cap. "Soft and fairly liquid, right?" Think think think. "There's gelatin and pudding...milkshakes and smoothies. You could juice certain fruits and vegetables! Oh! You could make some homemade applesauce too! Oatmeal is also a possibility." Listing each food item, he counted them on his robotic fingers as he went. Drawing a blank, he instead looked back to the ghoul. "How does that sound so far?"
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Fear on Mon Feb 20, 2017 2:17 pm

    "You are still doing a very good job! Everything's getting all mixed up in just the right way!"

    Good god, was that praise?

    It was subtle, but the kitchen seemed to feel a smidgen brighter. Just a smidgen, because Fear had gotten better about reigning in his enthusiasm. Don't want to drown the chef with overwhelming emotions, ha~! Besides, Minion was having a difficult time understanding the concept of a mouthless fellow who can miraculously eat. Fear came to the rescue, though he doubted Minion would grasp the answer on the first go around. "Admittedly, it'sss a little ssstrange," he confessed, "but my guypal eatsss by absssorbing fluid through hisss ssskin. Weird, yesss? I don't make the rulesss for biology, though, ssso I jussst accept the fact. I guessss that'sss to be expected with aliensss?" Anyway, there Minion had it: the answer that would hopefully put his fishy mind at ease - just like his list of consumable foodstuffs!

    Gelatin, pudding, milkshakes and smoothies, juiced vegetables and fruits, homemade applesauce, oatmeal... All very viable alternatives to soup, except the milkshakes. Kev had this thing about milk. It was almost anal, like with eggs. "Hmm... I think thossse sssound really top ssso far," agreed the helmeted fiend, nodding along. "Though, if I may point out, they aren't quite hearty. The oatmeal could be, but I'm not sssure how he would react to itsss texture."

    Mushy, lumpy, and warm.

    Ick.

    The more Fear thought about it, the less options there were. He really wanted to expand his culinary expertise, as laughable as it was, beyond the realm of soups. It was just so, well, boring! And who wanted to eat a boring dinner every night? "Ah well..." he sighed. "Maybe it isss jussst not meant to be. Asss much asss I want to explore passssable cuisssine, hisss unique physssiology makesss it nearly impossssible. But I sssuppossse them'sss the breaksss, no?" You can't win them all; and Kev, unfortunately, was destined to always lose this battle.
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Minion on Fri Feb 24, 2017 7:27 pm

    Interesting, how the praise given to Fear seemed to make the room brighten. Was this what it was like to be a real teacher? The thought brought a toothy grin to the fish's face, only straining as he considered the ghoul's explanation for how his partner ate. Absorbing fluids...through his skin? What a strange method, though perhaps it wasn't too different from how Minion's own gills worked. "Reminds me of a sponge," He commented, metal shoulders shrugging. "But I'd certainly say you're right! That's to be expected with aliens...I mean, look at my world. We had a large headed, blue skinned alien who didn't seem all that different from humans. ...You know, not counting the head and skin color. And then there are aliens like Metro Man, who looks indistinguishable from a human with a vast array of superpowers. And then finally, there's me!" The fins on the side of his head wriggled from side to side as he smiled at his undead pupil. Aliens varied wildly, and biology could be rather strange sometimes. Such as Megamind's bright pink blood that resembled heartburn medicine. What was the deal with that?

    Food suggestions were expected easily, though the man quickly pointed out that the meals weren't very hearty. Indeed, the majority of them were desserts! Nibbling his lip slowly, Minion tried to think over any additional options. Oatmeal had something of a grainy texture, one that would admittedly feel strange on skin. Hm... Still observing the man, his eyes widened at the defeated sigh. Everything about Fear seemed to read disappointment. Indeed, what was a ghoul to do? Even though he was obviously more displeased with the situation than anything Minion himself had done or said...the alien fish still tapped his robotic fingertips together in an anxious fashion. "They are only the breaks if you allow them to be!" He insisted sternly before offering the man a lopsided smile.

    "M-maybe we just need to think outside of the box...chili is quite hardy! Mashed potatoes, ground meat...how does that sound so far?" Minion asked, grasping at straws for ideas. It was a crying shame that most of the heartier foods seemed to be served in giant solid blocks.
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Fear on Fri Mar 24, 2017 3:39 am

    Hu hu, a sponge! Laughter aside, Fear didn't really know too many aliens. Come to think, the most aliens he had ever seen, barring illegal citizens and whatnot, were either on Portal Breach or the Mega-City. "I would think that a blue-ssskinned alien, even with a big head, isssn't very... hmm, what'sss the word, outlandisssh? Compared to, sssay, a few of the odd-looking creaturesss here," Fear opined. Which, in hindsight, wasn't a very polite thing to say - not when one of those odd-looking creatures was staring the helmeted ghoul in the face! "..." Feet were surprisingly fast land animals.

    "M-maybe we just need to think outside of the box...chili is quite hardy! Mashed potatoes, ground meat...how does that sound so far?"

    "R-Right, chili~!" But none were faster than Fear's ability to sweep his unfortunate lapse of etiquette under a figurative rug. He had centuries of practice. "I think he would appreciate a fine chili, though it would have to be mild on the ssspicesss. Massshed potatoesss isss alssso a creative idea, but perhapsss too thick in consssissstency?" Either way, both options were going to be considered for future usage. And, should the alien not be able to eat his share, the dogs were always more than happy to help with leftovers. Shally was a bit too persnickety for such commoner things like groveling and whining for one's supper. Not wanting to lose momentum (or for Minion to comment on the social faux pas), Fear remained on the constant move between subjects. "How isss the, ah, oven tidbit coming along?" he asked. Take the bait, you big ol' guppy!
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Minion on Sat Mar 25, 2017 4:01 am

    "I would think that a blue-ssskinned alien, even with a big head, isssn't very... hmm, what'sss the word, outlandisssh? Compared to, sssay, a few of the odd-looking creaturesss here,"

    Forget the elephant in the room, Fear's big mouth had practically created a mammoth. For his part at least, Minion didn't exactly seem upset with the ghoul. The fish swiveled within his tank so that he was face to face with the man, and he gave him a look that would be fitting of a schoolmarm. One eye was raised, arching his scaly little brow as a sideways frown stretched across his face. Jagged little teeth poked out between his lips. "Mhm." At least the man had the decency to look embarrassed, and Minion was content to let that be all the punishment his student would get for such a faux pas. Strange spongy boyfriend aside, it was apparent that the dark creature was unused to dealing with...well, a talking alien fish in a robotic suit. In his defense, that wasn't exactly something anybody could put on their resume.

    "Mild? That's a shame. Chili is best with a good zest but...you know him best!" Perhaps it had to do with the way he ate... Minion had to admit that the idea of swimming in a spicy chili bowl didn't sound appetizing or comfortable. Mashed potatoes were indeed a rather thick paste, but recipes could be tweaked. "Adding more milk or sour cream could potentially make a serving of mashed potatoes creamy enough for your beau to eat. We'd have to try it out and see what the results are..." A brief sparkle came to his warm brown eyes, the little fish grinning as his tail wagged lightly in the water. Cooking was a type of science in its own right, full of hypothesis and experiments to test flavors and ingredients. It did his heart good to dabble in something like this!

    What was this about the oven? Minion blinked at the other man for a moment, almost clueless before his gaze wandered to the raw bacon spread out upon the wire rack. "...Oh! Right, yes, um-!" Metal creaked and shifted lightly as Minion pivoted about to look at the timer. "Ah, good! The uh, timer, hasn't gone off yet! Hehe..." He chuckled sheepishly, toothily as well. How embarrassing would it have been to burn the squash because they had been jabber-jawing? "It only has a little over 2 minutes left to go, and I imagine the whisking is done. That should give us enough time to brush the mixture over the bacon slices. We'll have to lower the temperature on the oven anyway before we put them in." A robotic hand reached out to take the bowl, though the fish glanced up at the iron helmet that made up the ghoul's face.

    "If you wish, I can do one side of the bacon strips to show you how it's done, then you can do the same for the other side. Does that sound good?"
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Fear on Sat Apr 08, 2017 8:57 pm

    Oh boy, there was the look. The look of unspoken shaming.

    "Mm..." Welp, his goose was aptly cooked. "Apologiesss, mate, Fear rasped. Meekness wasn't a thing with him, but he was nevertheless sincere. "There weren't many, ah, aliensss where I hail from. Or, ha ha, talking fisssh." Portal Breach was an incredible culture shock, to say the least.

    Insensitivity aside, the helmeted fiend was quietly thankfully for Minion's patience and understanding. It was almost like the little slip hadn't happened. Whew! Talk about a lucky break. "He can't really handle the heat." And neither could the ghoul, but he tactfully didn't admit it. "He alssso hasss thisss 'thing' about milk, though I think I could sssneak in a few dollopsss of sssour cream." What's the harm in a little dairy, right? Dozens of eyes blinked at Minion's brief daze. Uh-oh... you know it's bad when the chef forgets about the oven. "Sssay no more," Fear remarked, holding up a hand. "That isss how I feel all the time in here." The fish was in good company! Not exactly a strong vote of confidence, but it was better than nothing. Anyway, yes! The oven. The oven that still had two minutes left. That oven. They could forget about it for a little while longer, because now was the time for bacon strips! Mm, bacon...

    "If you wish, I can do one side of the bacon strips to show you how it's done, then you can do the same for the other side. Does that sound good?"

    Finally, he would at last be free of this bowl!

    There was virtually no hesitation once Minion offered to take the reins. Soon his metal mitts were occupied by the labour of Fear's love, whisk and all. Careful, it's a pinch messy! "Here you go~! Teach away, Oh Enlightened One." And Fear promised not to space out, either.
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Minion on Fri Apr 21, 2017 4:58 pm

    Fishy lips pursed at the ghoul's apology, considering the explanation he had to offer. Whatever world he came from, aliens weren't exactly common. Neither were talking fish, though that went without saying honestly. After a few moments of thought, his robotic shoulders bobbed up and down jerkily in a shrug. "Well, we didn't have creatures like you back home either. I was a little insensitive to you as well." What with asking Fear just what in the heck he was. In fact, he supposed this place had more aliens walking around than Minion had ever met back home in his world too! Such an odd identity, to be so alien and yet raised entirely on Earth surrounded by humans. Even the other two aliens he had known were both so entirely different from himself. Despite the look he'd given the other, the fish was actually quite used to being 'weird'.

    "I can't handle certain levels of spiciness but I like a good smack of spice!" Minion grinned softly. The Judge's partner sounded quite typical, honestly. Heat was an acquired taste! He could handle the man's resistance to zesty spice. The milk thing, however... A brow arched upwards, an utterly bamboozled look overtaking the fish's face. "A 'thing'? Like...lactose intolerance or is he..." He bobbed in his tank, tilting towards Fear as his eyes narrowed with interest. "A vegan?" He whispered as if speaking the word too loud would attract a pack of vegans. He had no disrespect for them, but vegans really tied his hands as far as trying to cook them a meal!

    Ha, truly Minion was the best cook that could ever be hired. Spacing out in the middle of the kitchen and needing to be reminded of the dish cooking in the oven. Who was the real teacher here, huh? At least Fear didn't seem annoyed. Instead, he found the little daze relatable. The fish gave him an awkwardly toothy grin in response. Taking the bowl, he briefly inspected the mixture. Ruddy brown and thick, the liquid was smooth and without clumps! The edges of the bowl were splattered from Fear's mixing, leaving it a bit sticky. Not a problem!

    "It's too bad I'm not giving out points during this lesson. You would have earned 10 of them just for that title." The fish winked as he brought the mix to the readied baking sheet with bacon strips. The slices of meat were still resting on the wire rack just as he had left them. Grasping a basting brush, he dipped the end of the bristles into the syrupy mix. He turned it in a wide circle, giving it one more mix before he withdrew the brush and let it linger above the bowl to allow any stray bits to drip back into the bowl. With long, thick drips, it layered itself over the mix in thin ribbons. "We get a good amount of the mix onto this brush so we can spread it onto the bacon. Make sure it isn't too drippy, or else you'll wind up with a giant mess." He brought the soft bristles down onto the raw meat, robot wrist moving as if he were painting the bacon rather than merely basting it. An even layer was spread over every strip, a few needing extra dabs to completely cover it. Once all six were basted with the sticky brown mix, Minion turned each slice over for his student. He held out the basting brush, smiling lightly. "Give it a whirl!" Even if the ghoul was a bit messy, an excess solution would just drip over the wire rack.
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Fear on Fri Jun 23, 2017 12:58 pm

    Didn't have shambling undeads back home, eh? Fear loosely returned Minion's shrug. "Fair enough," he rasped, largely unfazed. "Prior to encountering thosssse sssewer witchesss, I hadn't been a ssstrong believer in the sssupernatural and otherworldly. Hell! Prior to coming here, I alssso hadn't believed in ssspace-men either. It jussst goesss to ssshow, eh wot?" The helmeted superfiend wouldn't say he was rather dense when it concerned matters beyond him? But... no, he was rather dense; regardless of whether the ghoul comprehended matters or not.

    "A vegan?"

    Ha!

    Look at this befuddled hands-less chef, Minion's bulbous fish eyes deceiving his innermost thoughts. It didn't take a psychic to figure out why. "Hu hu! Well, asss much asss he isss a bleeding heart liberal, you can feel at easssse knowing my partner isssn't a yuppy hipssster. To be perfectly frank with you, I don't think he even realizesss what a vegan isss..." That Kev! The only person as dense (and perhaps even more so) as Fear himself, was that scaly, bug-eyed alien. Truly, their relationship had been foretold in the stars. Anyway... The milk 'thing' - Minion undoubtedly wanted 'in' on the skinny, and who was Fear to deny his request? "Eh... it'sss rather innocent, I sssuppossse; though, I do believe it a pinch sssilly." Again, the animated cadaver shrugged, leathery palms upturned. "From how I underssstand it, he doesssn't enjoy milk becaussse he ssstrongly believesss that itsss consssumption isss for infantsss and nothing more. I have a bloody hard time trying to convince him otherwissse, dessspite the fact that dairy isss part of a healthy and balanced diet." Silly, right? Silly and quite narrow-minded, which wasn't usually like his guypal. The culprit was assuredly Kev's obtuse upbringing.

    Ooh, ten whole points~! Figurative or not, Fear eagerly pocketed them all the same - the memories of Law School compelled him! "Hu hu..." Now, then! What's this about basting? That's... That's something you did with a turkey, innit? Or was that a baster...

    Dozens of grotesque, slimy eyes twinkled behind the ghoul's iron helmet, his sickly fingers tentatively relieving the gooey brush from Minion's artificial hand. Suffice to say, the alien might as well have given Fear a high-tech, extraterrestrial contraption. He stared down at it blankly. "..." Spread the brown sugar glaze over the bacon, right? That didn't sound too difficult, but... Uncertainty laced the ghoul's stiff movements as he tried so very, very much not to make an abhorrent mess.

    Dab, CRACK...! Dab, CRACK...! Dab, CRACK...!

    When one's immortal spirit inhabited a corpse, however, something as simple as brushing slices of bacon was rendered an absolute chore. It was frustrating and the worn bones in his wrists loudly snapped and popped, but Fear had managed just enough control over his numbed motor functions to avoid Minion's disappointment. The price? It took forever and a day. The torture, the torture! It was just like watching a stroke victim learn how to walk again. He did it, though! Fear did it and he did it with pride. Mostly unspoken swears, but also pride. Never was he more relieved than to hand Minion back the basting brush and return to ethereal staring. "...Rigour mortisss isss a bitch," he muttered sourly.
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Minion on Sat Jun 24, 2017 12:39 pm

    Huh. So despite Fear's own shambling form, it seems he was not a common occurrence in his own world. The mention of sewer witches got a vaguely disgusted glance out of the fish but he otherwise took in such information quite easily. Even the use of the word 'space-man' drew a small laugh! Never before had he heard the term, outside of old movies from the fifties! "Goes to show, indeed. This world has a little bit of everything! There are so many things here that I certainly wouldn't have encountered back home!" Undead, aliens, dragons, demon cars...the list went on!

    Bleeding heart liberals could at times go hand in hand with yuppy hipsters, but it was a relief to hear that Fear's partner was no such case. In truth, it was funny to imagine such a grave and dark creature as him dating a young man with a goofy hat, an argyle scarf, horn-rimmed glasses he didn't even need...and a vegan to boot. No, it seems the ghoul's partner had a strange idea about milk. Namely, that consumption of it was suited only for infants! Brows raised, he nevertheless shrugged his robotic shoulders. "That's actually what some vegans claim, as well as people who believe they're standing up for the rights of milk cows. They think adults consuming milk is somehow unnatural, just as your partner does. While I've never really been able to drink milk myself," The fish wordlessly gestured towards the tank he swam in, filled to the brim with water. "I've enjoyed cheese, and even ice cream! Dairy is very important for the body, and I made sure Megamind had plenty of it growing up." Being raised on Earth, it simply didn't seem that strange! With a moment to think, Minion gave the undead man a toothy grin. "Maybe you can start small. Cheese, yogurt, ice cream...if he likes all of those, he'd have to admit that milk might have its place!" How stubborn could this man possibly be?

    Metal hands clasping together, Minion waited with all the patience of an experienced teacher as he observed Fear's latest journey into the culinary arts. A quest that proved to be more physically taxing on the ghoul than he had initially realized! A shiver ran down his fishy spine with every crack and snap, eyes wide as the man went about his chore. Eventually, the timer sounded for him. It was time to take out the tray, and yet Fear was still struggling with the bacon! Amber eyes slide to the oven door, and he slipped on a pair of oven mitts to remove the tray of food. Setting the freshly roasted vegetables on the stovetop, Minion was quick to reset the temperature to 350.

    Even as the oven began to change its internal temperature, preheating once more, the ghoul still struggled to glaze the strips. In the time it had taken for him finish, handing back the brush, the dutiful fish had already pulled out a dutch oven and made preparations. Even the oven had preheated once again! Leaving the grated apples and chicken broth to simmer, he grasped the brush and bowl, setting them aside before smiling at Fear. "Sorry. You still did an amazing job!" He appraised the bacon before sliding them in to cook and resetting the timer for thirty minutes. "Now we just leave that to cook. In here," He pointed to the dutch oven. "We have to wait for this to simmer before we add the roasted vegetables, ginger and thyme. And if I remember right from the instructions, we leave that to cook for 10 to 15 minutes, and then blend it! When the bacon is done, we'll chop that up and drizzle it on top with the whipped cream and it'll be ready for your partner!"
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Fear on Sun Jul 16, 2017 6:44 pm

    "Goes to show, indeed. This world has a little bit of everything! There are so many things here that I certainly wouldn't have encountered back home!"

    Truer words never spoken. Though, what's this about vegans and their absurd beliefs?

    Fear openly snorted and revealed his more conservative roots. "What nonsssenssse," he rasped dismissively. "Cowsss are animalsss of the lower ordersss; they are put on thisss earth to be worked, bred, and utilized for their variousss bodily partsss." Hmm, perhaps there was a bit more to this... After a few seconds of additional thought, the ghoul added, "Though, I sssuppossse there isss no logical reassson to be cruel to beassstsss. A happy animal isss arguably a more productive animal, and God isss a ssstickler about thingsss like that. Asss it alssso ssstandsss, creaturesss of the lower ordersss cannot knowingly commit crime. They are technically innocent, if not crude." In the past, would Fear torment a creature for the sake of amusement? Perhaps, if he was bored enough. In today's world, the ghoul rather preferred taking such animals out for lovely morning strolls. Anyway, he refocused and lightly shook that heavy head of his. "Rubbisssh, all of it. It isss no more unnatural to drink milk than it isss to ssscientifically reduce vegetation into quessstionable foodssstuffsss and clothing through artificial, mechanical meansss. Besssidesss, a cow needsss to be milked, doesssn't it? It'd be a ssshame to wassste."

    Starting small sounded fairly doable, though. Cheese and ice cream were likely to have more success than yogurt, but it remained to be seen if Kev would even cooperate. The alien could be quite stubborn when desired. "I bloody keep sssaying that dairy isss important for a well-maintained body, but he jussst doesssn't want to lisssten, the ssscaly blighter. It'sss exasssperating." Ah well... can't make a horse drink water, eh wot? He shrugged and let the thought be; as vexing as Kev's alien beliefs were, Fear wasn't about to coerce his guypal into seeing the 'light'.

    Damn tempting at times, though...

    "Sorry. You still did an amazing job!"

    "Hm...?" Wait, what?

    In true undead fashion, Fear blinked and he missed it. He missed a lot, actually.

    During the time it took the towering ghoul to finish his bacon strips, Minion had already put Fear to shame. The fishy alien had pulled out the roasted vegetables, prepared the dutch oven, and was currently waiting on the next step of their cooking lesson! Embarrassed didn't even begin to cover it. "...Mm." Why was cooking so damn hard...? See, this is why he enjoyed purging the iniquitous! That was by far easier than making a homemade soup.
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Minion on Fri Aug 04, 2017 10:43 pm

    Humming in agreement, Minion found no fault in the ghoul's reasoning. Granted, the subject was a little strange due to himself being something of an animal. An alien animal at that, and one most likely created to serve. But as Fear admitted, there was no reason to be harsh on the animals like cows. And if they were not being harmed, wasn't it fine to keep them and milk them? It was, after all, better for them to be milked than to let their udders swell with the liquid. "You're right, it hurts them if they're not milked frequently enough." A robotic hand briefly batted at the air. "I mean, their living conditions could be improved but milk is important for the diet and healthy for the cows too. I don't really see where a bunch of vegans not buying milk is going to shake up the food industry..." Made perfect sense to him. Amusement quirked his toothy grin as he peered over a metal shoulder at the Judge. "Creatures of the lower orders, huh? So...where would I fit in?" The fish's tone was playful. It wasn't often anymore that anybody saw him as anything besides a normal human. So where would this corpse see him on the spectrum? Was he no better than a cow? Or basically a human with scales? And what of the crimes he'd helped Megamind commit?

    A chuckle bubbled out of the fish, bobbing in place with each guffaw as he rolled his eyes. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think we were talking about a picky child!" The thought seemed to make him nostalgic, reminding him of his shared childhood with Megamind. Of course, prison didn't always provide the best of foods, but they still provided the main food groups. The blue alien had been rather picky at times, refusing to listen to Minion's advice even into adulthood! Sighing, he shook his head. "With any luck, it'll just take a bit of time! He can't hold out forever." Nobody was that stubborn! And Minion would prefer not to be opposed to a being like Fear on a subject such as health and diet.

    Sensing the ghoul's embarrassment, the fish frowned softly as his metal digits clicked together softly. Ooh...perhaps he was overstepping his boundaries a tad. Working in the kitchen was second nature, he had to learn to pull back! Especially if he were to be teaching Fear how to cook. Let's see...glancing into the dutch oven, Minion narrowed his chocolate brown eyes. The immersion blend should be easy enough for the corpse to handle, but what else? Ginger and thyme...rounding up these last two ingredients, he regarded his temporary 'employer' and student. Nodding to himself, he procured a sizable spoon from the drawer and began to scrape the sides of the ginger root with it, easily tearing off the paper thin covering. The skin fell off easily, scooped up and tossed into the garbage before he addressed Fear once again. "Mr. Fear? Would you like to mince this ginger for me? You don't have to worry about your cuts with this one, you can absolutely go to town on this!" He gave the ghoul an encouraging little grin.
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    Re: A Fishy House Call

    Post by Fear on Sun Aug 27, 2017 1:06 am

    See, Kev? Even the talking fish understood the perfectly-sound logic behind drinking cow's milk. It just made sense. Not that a picky tree savage would appreciate the bounties of Mother Nature, of course. "Bah, vegans and their ssspecial ilk desssire nothing more than to sssegregate themssselvesss from the ressst of sssociety," was Fear's opinion. And, as for as the helmeted ghoul knew, it was the truth. "God put animalsss on the planet for a reassson; ssso long asss they are treated and culled humanely, I do not sssee the problem in sssavouring whatever productsss are made thereof." As for Mitchell's rather poignant question... The temptation to scour his instructor's mind was strong, but Fear minded his manners. His next words were another matter entirely.

    "You ssspeak asss clearly and fluently asss any sssentient being," he rasped. Gnarled knuckles sharply popped and cracked with every stiff flex of his decrepit fingers. Perhaps the old codger was thinking about wrapping them around Minion's iridescent scales... "Methinksss," Fear continued evenly, "that you belong with civilization, gifted to experience the wisssdom of higher thought but plagued to alssso tassste itsss darker, more iniquitousss nature." Ergo, if the cadaver still wore his badge with pride and had encountered Minion during one of his many purges across the land, the fabulous fish would have met a rather... gruesome demise. No reason to fixate on hypotheticals, however! "I've no doubt that you can certainly blend with your coldblooded kin, but you ssseem well enough amongssst thossse who prefer ssstanding upright on two legsss or more. My judgement assside, what order you fancy belongsss entirely to you." Such was the benefit of greater self-awareness of one's place in the world.

    "If I didn't know any better, I'd think we were talking about a picky child!"

    Tut! Well, Minion wasn't wrong. "If I know him," which Fear did quite well, "he isss going to drag hisss heelsss into the figurative mud jussst to ssspite me. Hisss missstake, alasss. Try asss he may, no one can outlassst the grave." And that was a fact; though, Kev was undoubtedly going to keep kicking and screaming...

    "Mr. Fear...?" Great Jove, that was a new one to these old ears. It had an interesting ring, but... hm.

    Ultimately, the undead shook his rotted head. "Ah, you need not refer to me in sssuch a formal manner," he rasped. Leathery fingers accepted the ginger root without fuss, talons mindful not to penetrate. "Pleassse, sssimply refer to me asss Fear. And yesss, I would love to mince the ginger for you." This was a good call on Minion's part, for the towering ghoul was simply terrific with hacking and slashing. He picked up a nearby sharpened knife (the biggest) and promptly went to - CHOP, CHOP, CHOP - town on the poor, hapless thing. Bits and pieces of ginger went flying everywhere, and thankfully not a decayed finger or two. "Hu hu! Jussst like chopping a man'sss neck," Fear gleefully rasped. Aww, serial killer's first ginger root...

      Current date/time is Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:35 am