Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Share
    avatar
    Fear
    Exabyte

    Exabyte

    Posts : 1261
    Join date : 2013-09-04
    Location : The comfort of a grave
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    65/65  (65/65)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Fear on Wed Feb 18, 2015 8:22 pm

    Don't get the fiend wrong, cadet. Judge Fear did care; there was just no strong argument to debate otherwise. The starving creatures most likely would get ill after a while and crawl away to live out the rest of their rapidly-diminishing lives. He, meanwhile, could always find another host to commandeer. Why concern yourself with the needless things?

    "Mm..." The alien's words were heeded and they were heeded well. Where to start, where to start... Ah, how about - "It ssseemsss you place too much ssstock into the passst," Judge Fear rasped. "And while it can be argued that there are important lesssssonsss to learn in hissstory, both of the world and in ourssselvesss, focusssing too much on a narrow ssselection can ultimately cripple you; ssstagnation isss counterintuitive to growth, mm..." But anyone could say that, couldn't they? Yes, yes the could. The Dark Judge went a step further in their discussion. "Ssso you have made countlessss missstakesss in your meager lifessspan... How do you think I feel, hmm? Failure isss to sssuccessss asss sssorrow isss to happinesss; you cannot have one without the other. If you did, how would you realize the conception that isss sssuccessss?" More pensive humming, more rumination of the ancient mind. "I underssstand that citizensss are not asss disssciplined asss a Judge," the ghoul continued, "but that doesss not ssstop them from learning; from adapting and knowing better than to make the sssame missstake twice."

    Devilishly hard, at times. Especially when your opponents were Judge Dredd and Psi-Judge Anderson!

    "Beating yourssself up over sssomething that cannot be altered helpsss no one." Take it from someone who has far outlived the average human, Kev. "Regret will eat away at your resssolve, mm... It isss a ssslow-working parasssite and it thinksss only of itssself. Nourisssh it not, cadet. Inssstead, reflect on your missstakesss, analyze them, and develop the underssstanding of how you can do better. You will fail now and you will fail in the future. Fearing the inevitable will only breed anxiety." So embrace it and adapt. Judge Fear paused for a moment, his stony gaze transfixed on a beetle wobbling up the length of his forearm. "Mm... What missstakesss hound you, cadet? Tell me, for I am curiousss."
    avatar
    Kev
    Moderator

    Moderator

    Posts : 2426
    Join date : 2010-04-06
    Age : 58
    Location : Lovers' meadow/225 Broadband Boulevard
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    0/0  (0/0)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Kev on Wed Feb 18, 2015 10:43 pm

    Zurg, a Year Ago wrote:"It will do you no good to dwell on the past and suffer within it."

    Judge Fear, Now wrote:"It ssseemsss you place too much ssstock into the passst,"

    Kev could not deny that Judge Fear had landed squarely on a great point. A bit over a year ago, Zurg had told Kev about the same thing that Judge Fear was telling him now. Kev's solution before, to try not to dwell on the past, had been to try and forget it...but you can't forget the past. So he tried to think about the past as little as he could! Yet it still hadn't worked...the only thing that would work was to accept and embrace his past. To let everything wash over him like it were nothing, to not let the horrible things he had encountered rule him so. He just had no idea where to begin.

    "Even then, most of the mistakes I made in my home-world were minor...perhaps the biggest was insulting Jew. Here, in nearly 5 years I've done so much, been a part of so much...I can't even imagine 300 years..." Especially when failure for a Dark Judge could mean being sealed away for a long amount of time, alone. So in order to relish success you had to fail...just as, in order to really be happy, you had to be sad. The alien huffed. "Life sure likes to be balanced." Or perhaps imbalanced, since failures and sorrow seemed so much more striking then their brighter cohorts. Unhappy times, happy pauses...Kev's gaze roamed over the blades of grass thoughtfully, even watching some of the insects that were retreating from the Dark Judge or on their way to sample his green, bloated flesh, though he was still attentively listening. Perhaps a training session with the Judge could help a great many people. Kev was hardly the only one with skeletons in his closet, demons in his mind, nor trouble in his past. The alien nodded his head in agreement. "My people valued adaption over stagnation...though in hindsight they didn't do so much a job of it. They focused on adapting to survive while what you're talking about is adapting one's mind." He almost asked how to let go of the past when the Judge gave him the answer.

    In order to let go of the past, to banish regret and keep from beating himself up over past mistakes, he needed only to reflect, analyze and understand how to come from that experience with knowledge on how to be better. Reflect, analyze, understand and make attempts to be better in the future...Kev's eyes closed lightly and he repeated it in his mind like a mantra. Reflect on the past, analyze it, and understand. Use it to remember what not to do...his eyes opened again, and he looked back at the Judge's iron helm. He had failed in the past, he failed now...and he would fail in the future. In order to succeed, he needed to fail. It'd be awfully nice if failure was as easy to accept as success was. Still, fear of failure didn't exactly help...he had feared failing today and look at what happened! He still failed.

    "Hm?" Well that was slightly unexpected. The Judge wanted to hear some of the mistakes he had made? Kev brought a hand to his chin and stroked it lightly, letting the babbling of the creek go in one ear and soothingly out of the other. "I suppose you'd want to hear about failures other than the past few weeks..." The Judge already knew of them, after all. "Not saving Rhys, is one. If I realized how bad off he was...that he was alone and starving...I could have helped, and he wouldn't have had to kill anyone. If I had taken him away rather than just...tell him 'everything'll be alright' and letting those vampire police take him away..." He huffed, a little anxious. "During Phazon, I made quite a few mistakes. The first, I stood up for Blade against Gaara. We got into an argument and I lost my temper...threw a lamp at him. He responded by throwing me out of the window into the Phazon. And that same day, I gave my friend Bonkers a hug and infected him with the Phazon. Because I got infected, I hurt not just myself, but also my friends...like Sonia and Aya...they were there in the Mines, with me..." How they must have felt when the mines collapsed in on themselves and he didn't come back out of them...

    "Mr. Dark doesn't bother me so much now, neither does my failed mind trick on the shade that stabbed me. But I told Zurg about an old friend of his returning...he didn't take it well. It hurt him so much, and then in the end...she just disappeared again. If I kept my mouth shut maybe he wouldn't have ever had to feel the pain of losing her twice. I did that one again too, when it seemed that Megamind had returned...though at least I went with Skyler to check out Megamind's home and see if he was really there. So I guess I don't feel too bad." His eyes roamed around their surroundings for a moment, still thinking. "Fighting Ridley was a mistake...killing SIR was a big mistake. Getting close to certain people...a mistake."


    _________________
    "I'm Kev, and I speak through the power of telepathy. It is represented by italics and the color code #33CC66."
    avatar
    Fear
    Exabyte

    Exabyte

    Posts : 1261
    Join date : 2013-09-04
    Location : The comfort of a grave
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    65/65  (65/65)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Fear on Thu Feb 19, 2015 12:12 am

    "Life sure likes to be balanced."

    "And ssso doesss death." Are you detecting a theme here, Kev?

    Reflect, analyze, understand... Three very rudimentary, mundane words. And yet, no matter how intellectual the person, this innocuous trio proved to be the bane of many. "Your people, mm... A primitive assssortment of creaturesss, but no different than the mortalsss of Deadworld. Sssurvival isss a universssal conssstant, asss isss acclimating to one'sss impermanent world. Civilization isss a good example, yesss. Empiresss rissse and empiresss die. Take, for inssstance, the dilemma that plagued our world, cadet. Illegal activity wasss at an all-time high, thugsss and mobssstersss were boldly ssstrutting around in the city ssstreetsss. Robberiesss, murdersss, aggravated and sssexual asssaultsss... It wasss sssheer madnessss." Sounded like such a great place to raise a family, right? "In order for crime to be successssful, the law itssself mussst fail. And indeed, cadet, it had. The ordinary citizen did not wisssh to emerge from their homesss and go to work, let alone contribute to the economy."

    Could you imagine, Kev, a world ruled by powerful crime bosses? A world where the crooked were as free as the birds in the sky, unopposed and able to do as they pleased? It even had Judge Fear shaking his head. "But even crime," he hissed, "cannot lassst forever. Righteousssnessss ssshall alwaysss find a way, mm... Where the police had failed and the politiciansss were in the pocketsss of the very criminalsss that sssucked the city dry, it wasss time for a new sssolution. And that, cadet, isss what paved the way for the Judgesss; a judicial sssystem that would sssee everything cleansssed."

    Or... so they had hoped.

    "Alasss..." A sigh escaped the Dark Judge's iron helmet. "People will do what people will do; thisss isss a fact, mm... Judgesss were made, not born, and even then they were flawed. Why? Becaussse they were human from the very beginning. An imperfect mold to create an imperfect weapon!" Perhaps the most infuriating Catch 22 to date. "The Judgesss themssselvesss became corrupt, the tutorsss, the Chief Judge, everyone! How can a Judge ressspect their badge if they are no better than the very creepsss they arressst, cadet? A disssgrace to the force, mm... Fortunately, there wasss one of usss who had a visssion. Though you do not like him and you find hisss methodsss... dubiousss, Judge Death wasss neverthelesss inssstrumental in purifying our world. It wasss through him, cadet, that we became what we are now: paragonsss of jussstice." With the aid of two women, of course. "And ever sssince then, Deadworld hasss been a mossst lawful place. No crimesss to ssspeak of, no warsss, no ssselfisssh interessstsss vying for control... Sssuch a pity about it being dessstroyed due to thisss multiversssal cataclysssm." In case the alien needed a teal deer: there had been many failures on Judge Fear's world before anything could be properly deemed a success. All the living simply needed to die. Ah, but enough with the history lesson... Kev had quite the example of his, didn't he?

    Rhys...

    The half-vampire, half... thing. Abomination was a suitable term for the illogical child. Kev spoke and the ghoul listened, attentive for cues in the alien's words. Aha, this was a juicy one.

    "If I had realized, if I had taken him, I could have helped..." The seeds of regret if Judge Fear had ever heard them. "You cannot turn back the clock, cadet. What happened with the boy wasssn't your fault, even I know thisss. Hisss parentsss were neglectful and the consssequence, in truth, had been foretold with hisss birth. There wasss no way for you to know that the vampire queen would have asssked for the boy'sss head. Why ssshould you ssshoulder thisss burden when the boy'sss parentsss and himssself are no longer here? They cannot judge you, they cannot follow in your ssshadow and remind you of what transsspired. The fault, cadet, isss on them." The ones known as Anei Valentine and Phantom.

    And then there was Blade... The Dark Judge was admittedly not a fan of the tosspot. "You ssstood up for a fool, mm... A fool who never bothered to return the favour. There isss a lesssson to be learned in that, cadet. Jussst asss there isss a lesssson to be mindful of one'sss temper." Provoking the boy, Gaara, had brought about its own consequence. In this, Kev was at fault. What happened with Bonkers was no different, though... "Neither are here," Judge Fear reminded. "Both Gaara and the bobcat have left thisss place. What doesss thisss tell you?"

    "If I kept my mouth shut maybe he wouldn't have ever had to feel the pain of losing her twice."

    "But then you would be lying." Would your purple friend appreciate that, Kev? How do you think he would feel upon finding out that you withheld information from him? Information that he rightfully ought to have known?

    Fighting Ridley was indeed a mistake, and so was fighting the entity known as SIR. "Asss for the variousss othersss whom you prefer to omit," the Dark Judge hummed, "you ought to recognize the warning sssignsss in certain persssonalitiesss, yesss? You are no ssstranger to losssss, mm... Ssso inssstead of either beating yourssself up or trying to forget, why don't you sssimply learn? A fool unwilling to better himssself will alwaysss be a fool, sssame for a charlatan, a ne'er-do-well, and an emotional parasssite. The sssooner you recognize thessse people, the sssooner your exissstence will become uplifted."
    avatar
    Kev
    Moderator

    Moderator

    Posts : 2426
    Join date : 2010-04-06
    Age : 58
    Location : Lovers' meadow/225 Broadband Boulevard
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    0/0  (0/0)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Kev on Thu Feb 19, 2015 1:24 am

    Life, death. Success, failure. Happiness, sorrow. ...Yep, there was a theme going on here. Little theme dealing with balance. How nice, since they lived in the Gamma of balance. Balance, balance, balance...why did it never feel so balanced? Kev unfolded his legs to stretch one leg out and bring the knee of another closer, resting his arms upon it and his head upon his arms. Kev couldn't deny how primitive his people were, not to mention short-sighted and close-minded. In that, however, they were no different from the people of Deadworld. The Judge listed all of the crime that had been committed on his world, some really bad things indeed. It got so bad, that the people who were not criminals were too scared to leave their homes, their jobs abandoned and the economy suffering. "But wouldn't it have been better if the law could have succeeded all of the time?" If it never failed, crime could never succeed. However, if not for crime's success, the Judges would have never risen up to destroy crime. In some people's eyes, that was a good thing. In other's, obviously not so much.

    However, even the Judges were not without flaws, for they were in their very existence, flawed. Human. Corruptible. No better then the people they fought and killed. Here was where a new vision took hold, the old giving way for the new in a new cycle. Crime had won, before the Judges came, and now that the Judges were the new criminals...new Judges must be made. This was where Judge Death came in, and Fear was correct, Kev did not like him. Kev respectfully kept his opinion to himself. "So you, the Judges, and the system as a whole, had to fail before they could find this...'one solution'. Makes sense...sometimes you can't just immediately come to a decision about something without getting to it little by little. You can't go right from 'crime is high, all life is a crime so we must become undead to be lawful ourselves', it's a bit of a leap. You had to go through a lot in order to become who you are now."

    The Judge insisted that what happened to Rhys was not his fault, and yet he could still hear the words of Rhys from his mental exercises. The look of fear in his crimson eyes as he turned to Kev for protection and comfort. Fear did have a point, in that he could not have known that Lilith would have wanted his head. No one had known that Rhys was going to be killed for his first offense. Kev thought that perhaps they would take him into custody...but as for actually killing him? It had been unthinkable. Why should Kev shoulder this burden? "Because I have a son now...and Marvin...I have the two of them and I can't let them die like Rhys did. They might not be here but...I still remember it. It hurts and...I wish I had done more. I should have done more for him." Rhys had been a young spawn, he hadn't asked to be born, and he didn't ask to have the parents that he'd been given, irresponsible and flighty.

    As for Blade, Kev gave Fear a slightly saddened look. "Wasn't the last time I stood up for him, either. There were a few times that he would get himself in trouble with Prixlezub and I'd convince Prixlezub to back down, give him another chance. But he just couldn't be quiet, he just had to say something over and over until he eventually died. He came back but..." Kev shrugged, gaze settling on the grass. "I guess I thought I owed him or something..." Owed him because he couldn't love him, so he tried to be as good a friend as he could be. Blade wasn't here anymore, and neither were Gaara and Bonkers. What did that tell him? "That it was all for nothing. I fought with Gaara and got infected for no reason, infected Bonkers and felt bad about it, and there's no reason for that either because he just left anyway." All it amounted to, in the end, was an awful month of mutation and waning sanity.

    For a moment, Kev stared at the Dark Judge and how insistent he seemed about how bad it would have been if he had lied to Zurg. Then he remembered just how much Judge Fear seemed to prefer the truth. "Wouldn't it have been better if I lied, though? I told the truth, and got kidnapped, probably gave Hellboy a heart attack, that girl was probably really scared...I mean, it all ended okay until she disappeared again but that was still a lot of emotional turmoil that could have been avoided if I had lied." Lies were better than the truth sometimes, weren't they?

    "I have learned. At least, I thought I did...when Jak was showing signs of being like Megamind, I backed off from him like a bad cold. I backed off from Shiro, tried not to get attached to him. Megamind, I will say I could have done better with him...but once I asked for space from him, I never returned to him. No matter how many sad looks he gave me. But how do I tell some types of friends apart from the others? For instance, I know there are quite a few who would argue that you are rather bad, sir, and you yourself have said that this isn't...healthy. So does that mean I still haven't learned? Or is it just because you're different? You're no Megamind, certainly no Jak...you are not a fool, charlatan, ne'er-do-well, or an emotional parasite." He gestured in Judge Fear's direction several times as he spoke. "Most people would say that you are one of those personalities to avoid and yet we've made this work rather nicely. So how can you really tell which are bad and which are good?" Sometimes people could not be so easily assessed.


    _________________
    "I'm Kev, and I speak through the power of telepathy. It is represented by italics and the color code #33CC66."
    avatar
    Fear
    Exabyte

    Exabyte

    Posts : 1261
    Join date : 2013-09-04
    Location : The comfort of a grave
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    65/65  (65/65)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Fear on Thu Feb 19, 2015 2:11 am

    Kev, your naivety is showing and Judge Fear was quick to point it out. "It doesssn't work that way," he hissed with a curt grunt. In a perfect world, such as Deadworld, the law succeeded all the time. But it took effort to reach that stage. It took effort and years worth of meticulous planning. "Where there are people, cadet, there isss crime. Thisss will never change." How could it, when each individual had their own interests and desires? How could it, when societies were constructed based upon arbitrary strata, the very idea of value and wealth equally subjective?

    "Tch!" Judge Fear loudly clicked his tongue, assuming he had one. "A bit of a leap, he sssaysss... We did not decide on our philosssophy in a day, cadet. We ssstudied, we trained, we experienced. Who better than a Judge to have firsssthand knowledge of the criminal elementsss infecting their world? Many of our brothersss and sssissstersss had met their endsss at the hand of perpetrator and traitor alike. Judge Death felt it time to wipe the ssslate clean; to, asss it were, eradicate the old to make way for the new. But you are correct, mm... We could not readily initiate the purgesss while tethered to our sssinful bodiesss. It would be hypocritical, you underssstand. Purifying ourssselvesss happened over the courssse of a month, and let me tell you, cadet... ssspending thirty daysss with two other men, naked, isss a ssstrange experience. Never you mind that our bodiesss were rotting right on their ssslabsss." With two other men and two women. The ghoul would rather not undergo a similar process, if he could help it.

    "I should have done more for him."

    Judge Fear dismissed a hand rigidly, a few of the insects perched on his arm buzzing off. "Bah, you are missssing the point," he grumbled. Kev, pull that melon out of your arse. "Of courssse Nym and Marvin will not follow a sssimilar fate like Rhysss. You are not Phantom, are you? Lassst I checked, cadet, you didn't go around the place making pissss-poor decisssionsss. Comparing your "children" to the half-vampire isss like comparing the likesss of myssself to a templar in the Crusssadesss; nothing more than sssuperficial sssimilaritiesss."

    "Owed?" the Dark Judge snorted. Ugh, back to the tosspot, were we? "You didn't owe that boy anything, cadet. You pitied him, mm... And pity, you sssee, ssshould not be the sssole basssisss of judgement. If the fool could not be bothered to heed your advice when it wasss given, he dessserved what came hisss way."

    Why help the ignorant if they had no desire to help themselves?

    Ah, but the alien wore his heart on his sleeve. Everyone could see it. "It wasssn't for nothing, no. There wassss a lesssson to be learned, asss I have repeated. And no, telling a lie in thisss inssstance would not have done you any favoursss. Who do you think you are fooling, cadet?" Judge Fear may have no love for the horned brute, but even he knew better than to pester some alien crime boss with enough firepower to atomize a small moon. "You did the right thing by telling the truth, even if the immediate consssequencesss of doing ssso were... dramatic. Ssshould you have lied, cadet, do you not think that the purple one would hold that againssst you? Tut, tut..." The undead fiend shook his head, disapproving. "Liesss only beget more liesss, and then you are caught once they have ran their courssse. Of courssse, it all dependsss on the circumssstance, mm... Thisss wasss not one ssscenario that would have played to your liking, however."

    "You didn't attach to Ssshiro but you ended up giving the lad a job." Hear that, Kev? That was the sound of Judge Fear unimpressed. "You could have sssaid 'no', hmm? You could have turned him away and reduce your contact with the fool." Could have, would have, should have... But he didn't, so that was that.

    "For instance, I know there are quite a few who would argue that you are rather bad, sir, and you yourself have said that this isn't...healthy. So does that mean I still haven't learned? Or is it just because you're different? You're no Megamind, certainly no Jak...you are not a fool, charlatan, ne'er-do-well, or an emotional parasite. Most people would say that you are one of those personalities to avoid and yet we've made this work rather nicely. So how can you really tell which are bad and which are good?"

    And would you look at this plucky fellow?

    Judge Fear openly scoffed. "Bad? I'm not bad," he hissed, indignant. "I jussst love my job and like killing people, that'sss all. Perfectly reasssonable, I'd sssay." But it wasn't healthy, the alien had him there. "Me...? Like that blue-headed boob and long-eared twit? Rubbisssh! I am no fool, no charlatan, no ne'er-do-well, or emotional para - well... I sssuppose I am not alwaysss an emotional parasssite, but I am not like the inventor. I do not go out to the world, mingling with itsss sssinful massssesss, to garner sssympathy." Salty? Why yes. A grotesque fingernail ominously directed itself at Kev. "I am manipulative, yesss. It comesss with the job. I am cruel and unforgiving and sssadissstic. That too comesss with the job. But do I lie about thessse thingsss, hmm? No, becaussse I am honessst. Hello, my name isss Judge Fear and I wisssh to KILL YOU, ha ha!" Wait, wait. The alien had asked a question, hadn't he?

    "Ha ha h - er...! Right, how to tell the difference, mm..." The Dark Judge cut his chuckling short. "Through obssservation, cadet. How do they act? How do they treat othersss? Are they reliable and sssomeone you can depend upon? Thingsss of thisss nature, I sssuppossse. Tessstsss of character, I call them. Developing thisss keen insssight usssually happensss over time and after you have weathered enough heartache."

    That answer your question?
    avatar
    Kev
    Moderator

    Moderator

    Posts : 2426
    Join date : 2010-04-06
    Age : 58
    Location : Lovers' meadow/225 Broadband Boulevard
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    0/0  (0/0)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Kev on Thu Feb 19, 2015 8:18 pm

    Where there are people, there is crime, huh? "Mm...that's true. There have always been people here, and so there has always been crime. Even when we had the police force, and even now with the ISOs." Even the ISOs could take care of any criminal activity that occurs within the city. The ISOs were as close as one could get to the law always succeeding within a certain area, and it still had problems. People still worked their way around and got a loophole. "So if all people are killed, there is no crime." At least, that was where Judge Fear's views pointed towards.

    "Exactly! You didn't decide in a day, you decided after some time, and trial and error." From his own experiences, decisions that were made in a day were perhaps the flimsiest. And yet, a lot of disasters left only one day or less for people to try and figure out what was going on and investigate. It was usually with a good amount of bumbling around that people were able to get a footing and plan things out. Judge Death eventually decided to get rid of the old to make way for the new. Apparently, in order to become a Judge, they had to spend an entire month...naked? Together? The alien couldn't help the bewildered look he gave the Judge at that one. "Mmm..." Naked, rotting bodies...guuuuh. "You certainly...do a lot for your cause." Not many would sacrifice themselves in such a way for a belief.

    Missing the point? Kev's head tilted, melon nowhere near his own bruuka. "Nym's already died once by now, hasn't he? What if he stops coming back one day? Zurg, Aya and I can't protect him forever, and he's basically an adult now. And this place isn't...the nicest place sometimes." Nym could die, or be changed even more than he already had been. The possibility of his and Marvin's fates being like Rhys' was very possible in his mind. He might have had a point, however. Kev certainly wasn't Phantom nor Anna. "You have a point...there's nothing that Nym or Marvin have in common with him other than them all being spawn. But it is still...scary. But I guess that is a part of caring about people. Being worried about them. You know?" As for owing Blade anything, Judge Fear was adamant that he didn't owe him anything, and should not have pitied him. The Judge insisted that he deserved what he got, and Kev sighed. "I have a bad habit of pitying people and trying to fix them I guess...as long as I can keep a certain distance away from them emotionally, I can keep from pitying people. If Blade ever came back again, I wouldn't pity him anymore."

    Rather than be 'for nothing', it was instead for a lesson he was learning. "A lesson about picking and choosing my battles, especially when they involve my friends? It's a hard lesson but...I'm learning." And no, a lie would not have helped at all. "He would, but I'm sure he'd understand why I lied to him." The alien brought a hand to touch the bottom of an eye. Lies beget more lies... "It would have made things complicated, that's true...and maybe if everyone had been truthful with him about it, he wouldn't have reacted like he did from me being the leaky faucet to tell the truth. In the end I guess I'm glad I told him the truth. I just wish the situation had been better." He cared a lot for Zurg and lying to him about something important like that did feel wrong.

    When Judge Fear pointed out that Kev didn't have to give him a job, however, the alien gave him a squinty look, quite offended. "Well, he applied just like Nyreena and Xavier did! And he could actually teach music lessons, he was trained! We needed more people working with us." Though as quick as the alien had puffed up, the puffing decreased and the alien wilted. "Though in the end he did stop coming to work...and disappeared..." He propped his head up, chin settling into his own palm. "I thought I was doing the right thing with him..." Getting a new worker so he and Skyler had more flexibility, while also giving Shiro a job. As for pointing out how other people saw him as bad, the Judge really got started on a tangent. "Good and bad are just ideas." Though even Kev had to give a slight snort at how casually the ghoul stated that he 'just liked killing people'. Kev let him have his say, eyeing the Judge with a flat look even as the Judge started jabbing a nail around. He even got a little amused when Judge Fear boasted about his honesty, chuckling along with him. It was true, Judge Fear didn't conceal his intentions. Put him miles above Hazama, in his mind. "You are cruel, unforgiving, and sadistic. But you are also kind, honest, and loyal. People aren't simple enough to just be put into 'good' and 'bad'." Kev himself was kind, loving, and loyal, but he also lied, could get possessive, and made bad decisions sometimes. Such as deciding to help a Judge get nukes...

    Observation, was it? The alien tilted his head. "Hmm..." Suppose in hindsight, if he had taken a few steps back and observed situations, seen how people reacted and treated others when certain things happened, he could have saved himself a lot of heartache and trouble. The past was the past, however, and this was something he could do in the future. "I like that. First impressions can't give you much..." And here the alien gave the Judge a significant look. "And sometimes people will put on a front for people...so watching from the sidelines where your own emotions won't get in the way should make it easier to objectively decide how trustworthy and reliable one may or may not be. I will admit that my emotions have gotten in the way in trying to decide if someone was really reliable in the past."


    _________________
    "I'm Kev, and I speak through the power of telepathy. It is represented by italics and the color code #33CC66."
    avatar
    Fear
    Exabyte

    Exabyte

    Posts : 1261
    Join date : 2013-09-04
    Location : The comfort of a grave
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    65/65  (65/65)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Fear on Thu Feb 19, 2015 11:10 pm

    "So if all people are killed, there is no crime."

    "Now you're usssing that noggin, cadet." You see!? It made a whole lot of sense once you stopped thinking like a sinner, didn't it? Judge Fear caught wind of Kev's puzzlement regarding the whole 'naked' bit, and he was all too eager to set a few records as straight as a board. "It wasss difficult to apply the dead fluidsss ourssselvesss," he further elaborated. "Our bodiesss were ssslowly atrophying; eventually, cadet, we could no longer apply the mixturesss to our bodiesss. The processss from becoming a Judge to a Dark Judge isss not one for the faint of heart." And it did, alas, require an additional set of capable hands.

    "But I guess that is a part of caring about people. Being worried about them. You know?"

    "No," said an honest man of the law.

    Don't let the Dark Judge fool you, Kev. Though the ghoul was far removed from humanity and could no longer socialize to a somewhat-decent degree... there was still a tiny spark, just a small one, of worry. For his brothers, mainly. And... sometimes for Livewire, too. It'd be a shame to lose someone so lawfully-inclined! As for Kev, well... Judge Fear didn't know what to do with the alien quite yet, aside from killing him.

    "Nym isss a sssmart lad. It isss true that he died, and right before my eyesss, but you sssaid the magical phrassse: he isss an adult. And if he isss an adult, let him make hisss own decisssionsss. Will they at timesss be disssagreeable or ignorant? Yesss, but sssuch isss the experience necessssary to learn from one'sss missstakesss and adapt. He won't learn much, cadet, by you babying him." In fact, it was probably worse to keep Nym as sheltered as possible. "And underssstand that you are powerlesssss in the dissssappearance of othersss," Judge Fear continued. "The sssooner you realize and accept thisss, cadet, the easssier thingsss ssshall be. Will you outlassst Nym? Will he outlassst you? It isss hard to sssay, but why bother worrying about it? It'sss not like either of you can sssee far into the future. I sssure know I can't. It isss pointlessss to fret over when there are more important mattersss to deal with in the presssent." And then there was the curious case of Kev pitying others. The ghoul had something to say about this, too. "Bollocksss to that, cadet! Who put you in charge to be everyone'sss bloody nanny, eh? No wonder you're ssso missserable inssside."

    Er, perhaps that could have used a bit more tact... Clearing his throat, the Dark Judge spoke while gesturing with his broad hands. "You cannot fix people, nor ssshould you try to fix them. Change, cadet, hasss to originate from within. For example, do you think a hardened creep isss sssuddenly going to turn away from crime sssimply becaussse you pity them? That'sss a sssurefire way asss any to get a bullet between the eyesss." In a way, the alien had been setting himself up for failure.

    "A lesson about picking and choosing my battles, especially when they involve my friends? It's a hard lesson but...I'm learning."

    "The lesssson isss that you ssshould not let thossse who have dissssappeared hold ssso much sssway over you." But, learning when to pick and choose your battles was also a crucial lesson, yes. "You wisssh the sssituation had been better, but doing the right thing isss far more important than persssonal preferencesss, mm..." What was more valuable than the truth? And you better cut that squinty look out, cadet. "And he left," Judge Fear was quick to rasp. "He left and didn't even bother to hand in hisss two weeksss. Musssical aptitude or otherwissse, hisss persssonal track record wasss ssspotty. He ssshould have been an automatical liability in your mind."

    Cruel, unforgiving, and sadistic. But also kind, honest, and loyal. Kev, you were... a strange fellow, you know that?

    "First impressions can't give you much..."

    And what was that look for, eh!?

    "Mmmnnnrrgh..." The undead fiend would be having none of it, and he sounded mighty unhappy. "And are you insssinuating that I put up a front, cadet?" Judge Fear inquired, just a pinch irate. "If I do recall, cadet, you were the one who became hossstile firssst. Nym had been bouncing around on my hossst and broke my neck." Don't think he forgot about this, because he sure didn't. Ah, but an intense quarrel was counterproductive for today. "Objectivity, mm... That isss a good ssstart. The key isss to ssstudy individualsss and their habitsss, how they interact and handle variousss ssstresssssorsss. Keeping control over one'sss emotionsss isss alssso a mussst, asss well asss to not wear your heart on a sssleeve. Remain sssincere but cautiousss, inquisssitive but ressserved."

    Having said the above, it was time Judge Fear got to reaching the heart, as it were, of Kev's mental woes. "Let usss begin dissscussssing the figuresss that plague your mind," he hissed. "Tell me, cadet... Why do thessse individualsss bring you ssso much dissscomfort?"
    avatar
    Kev
    Moderator

    Moderator

    Posts : 2426
    Join date : 2010-04-06
    Age : 58
    Location : Lovers' meadow/225 Broadband Boulevard
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    0/0  (0/0)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Kev on Fri Feb 20, 2015 1:00 am

    Using his noggin like a Dark Judge, maybe. Thankfully, Judge Fear decided to elaborate some of his naked escapades, though even with the elaboration, the alien was wincing. "Alright, if I ever went the undead route, I think I'd try a different way. For your sake and for mine." The Dark Judge surely wouldn't want to have to rub dead fluids all over Kev, and Kev would not want to be naked and atrophying to the point that Judge Fear had to rub him down with dead fluid! It sounded positively awful. Like a month long dying session. Kev was one of those 'faint of heart'. He could definitely not go through such a thing. As for the Judge's blunt answer, the alien gave him a slight look, quite skeptical. He didn't know what it was like to worry about people...pfft. That adventure in the jungle spoke otherwise, and he definitely cared for his brother. You protest too much, Fear~!

    Nym was an adult, Livewire and Marvin were a bit harder to pin ages on but neither of them were anything like Rhys, who was a mere child. They had more agency, more free will. More understanding of their actions and consequences. They could do things, they did not need to be shielded or babied. "It's...it's hard. Anytime I see him, I just want to wrap my arms around him and shield him from the world. I want to protect him. I eventually let him go, but it's still there...the initial reaction of wanting to shield him. I feel that way for all of them..." From the three already mentioned to the Hyruleans, to Ttone. The children that he personally knew, he wanted to protect. "They do need to learn, experience the world, in order to be complete. I ca'nt baby him or shield him forever...if I do, he'll just be weaker when the real threats come." As for worrying over the future, and disappearances, it really didn't help to hear that he was powerless in people's disappearances. Nothing he could do to make them stay or go. No power whatsoever. It was possible that Nym may outlast him. He didn't want the digimon to, but he didn't want to leave. He didn't want to disappear on the people he cared for, which meant in the end he would be the last. "Yes, sir." He agreed, almost tentative. Indeed, there were matters in the present to deal with.

    "Bollocksss to that, cadet! Who put you in charge to be everyone'sss bloody nanny, eh? No wonder you're ssso missserable inssside."

    That struck a nerve on multiple levels, the alien flinching and directing his eyes away from him once the blunt statement came out. Fear went on to elaborate, insisting that the alien could not fix everyone. "Maybe fix was a bad word to use...I guess it is more 'help', but it's all the same. You can't fix people and you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves." He glanced back up at the Judge. "Speaking of, sir...I hope you don't feel as if I'm not trying to help myself or anything. I'm trying, I really am...it's just so hard, some days..." A hand idly brushed and stroked at the grass, twirling a few blades around his fingertips. Change had to come from within and Kev had to make his effort in this. He couldn't just lay down like a dead cow and expect to change himself just because Fear was putting in all of the effort.

    "...Oh." That was a different lesson, to be sure. Kev blinked, but accepted it. "Right..." The right thing, personal preference...it could never be an easy sort of thing, could it? The Judge was hardly gentle either, quickly reminding Kev that Shiro had left. "Shiro's own track record was...blank at best. Comparing him to Blade would have been unfair. Though life isn't fair, and neither is death. And in the end he went the same route as him anyway." Rest assured, if anymore Shiros, Blades, or Toyakas came about in his life, he wasn't going to help them. Just as he originally intended.

    And then suddenly, Judge Fear got...a bit testy. The alien quirked a brow at the noise, identifying it as Fear's irritated noise, and blinked. "Oh no, no sir! That's not what I was saying, sir. I was indicating our first impression. Like you said, Nym broke your neck and I became hostile towards you. That combined with your interest in both Nym and Aya sent my warning bells ringing and I became even more hostile." Though as for fronts, haha, they would have to discuss that another day. Objectivity was seen as a must, to properly observe people and decide based on observations whether one could be trusted. Emotions also had to be controlled. The alien took these words in solemnly, nodding his head. Though the conversation turned, and Kev blinked back at the Judge.

    "Well..." Gods, this required some thought. "Well, we already discussed Rhys. Overcast and Swindle...they were among the first people I'd ever befriended. I cared about them both, I attended their wedding...I loved them. They were good friends of mine...and then one day they disappeared. They left, and they...they didn't even say good bye to me. They left Livewire and Skyler...it's probably naive, but...I never thought they'd leave like that. It was a shock. Harry...he was..." He sighed. "I wasn't too close with him, honestly. I had been kidnapped, and he showed up with Megamind at the Church, where people were rescuing those of us who'd been kidnapped. And Megamind introduced him as being a new brother. He seemed nice enough, befriended several people I was friends with. Fun, though reckless. When he disappeared...it hurt a lot. I broke down in front of the Inn, but it wasn't just because he was gone, but because of what it represented, at the time. That people leave, and I ought to cherish those who really matter. And that a 'brother' was just a word, it didn't mean anything to people like him and...you know." He pulled his knees in closer.

    "Megamind...you know most of my issues there. He was an emotional parasite, he'd constantly get into trouble, or get hurt, or be sad, and I had to go and help him. I thought I was being a good friend, his 'brother' but I didn't realize what he was doing until it was too late. There's a big difference between being a good friend and being...that. Kefka...I began to confide him in a lot, about how I felt after the Phazon crisis. You'd think I'd confide to my 'brother' but, well, yeah...for some reason I felt comfortable telling Kefka things. He really did help sometimes, too! When he mentioned that he noticed he was changing, I was happy for him. I thought he'd be like Zurg. I wanted him to be happy and he seemed happy...but he left. He left, and it was probably because of how his friendship with Karkat, Wheatley and I changed him. And he promised he'd say good bye first! And he didn't..." Here, the alien's eyes were strictly on the ground. A few moments of silence passed between them before they went on. "Sonia is still...so recent. She...she loved me. Probably for a while. And I didn't realize. And she's been hurt, because I was too stupid to notice and help her. She's been sad for so long...I never knew she loved me like that." He shook his head for a moment.

    "Terra was the last person I had bonded with before you. I cared about her too, cared about her a lot. The bond I had with her was deeper then the one I had with Arius. We used it more, talked more. We supported each other. When she left the Hive, I let her stay with me at the cottage. She really was a nice friend to me, a great friend, and yet...and yet...when she left, it was just like the rest of them. It didn't matter how close we were, or how nice she was, or even that we were bonded mentally. One day she was here. The next, I had a headache and she wasn't here anymore. No good bye. No note. Nothing." Good byes are hard, but damn if he didn't want a good bye sometime. "And last is Blade...we talked about him too, but...I still just feel so guilty, about the crush he had on me. His relationships always ended terribly and he was always left alone and sad. He had an alcohol problem too, one I eventually helped him to quit, but I remember watching him get sad and drunk and thinking to myself, 'if you loved him back, he wouldn't have gone through this sort of trouble'. It's stupid, and silly. I was never attracted to Blade in that way, he was strictly a friend...but it still happened. And I used to feel like it was my fault he'd fallen in love with me, like I gave off some sort of vibe or did something that made him fall in love. It's...kind of the same for Sonia, too. I wonder what I did and how I could help them to...stop." Another weary sigh. "But at least Sonia is still here. Blade died, over on Avalon, and he didn't come back. And he...also promised that he wouldn't..." The alien trailed off quietly. Did that answer your question, sir?


    _________________
    "I'm Kev, and I speak through the power of telepathy. It is represented by italics and the color code #33CC66."
    avatar
    Fear
    Exabyte

    Exabyte

    Posts : 1261
    Join date : 2013-09-04
    Location : The comfort of a grave
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    65/65  (65/65)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Fear on Fri Feb 20, 2015 2:18 am

    "And what'sss wrong with our method?" Judge Fear demanded to know. What's the matter, Kev? Afraid of a little skin? Personally, the Dark Judge saw no issue with applying dead fluids to a perfectly good corpse. What was a month spent naked to an eternity of righteousness? Kev must be prudish and this was obviously the reason for the alien's skepticism. His loss, alas. "There aren't very many waysss where one can become undead and ssstill retain their free will. Vampirisssm isss one, but with your rather... aha, unique physssiology, I doubt you would lassst for long." Let's be honest: Kev would make for an atrocious vampire. Even that sweet lass, Miss Valentine, would second this opinion! "Besssidesss," he rasped, "being undead isssn't all that it'sss cracked up to be, you know? It'sss rather..." The ghoul paused, rolling a hand while searching for a word. "Ah! It'sss rather boring. Yesss, yesss... Boring, becaussse once you are done purging the populace and there isss nothing left, what elssse are you to do? You cannot fully partake in mortal delightsss, sssuch asss food and drink. Nor can you really... well, do much of anything. You jussst continue asss you alwaysss will, ssshambling from one dilapidated ruin to the next, mm... Admittedly, we didn't really consssider the retirement optionsss."

    That got a croaky laugh or two.

    "Anytime I see him, I just want to wrap my arms around him and shield him from the world. I want to protect him. I eventually let him go, but it's still there...the initial reaction of wanting to shield him. I feel that way for all of them..."

    Would you look at the alien, doing his best impersonation of a mother hen. "You can't protect them forever," remarked Judge Fear. It was admirable to feel an obligation to one's responsibilities, but sometimes it had the tendency of becoming too overbearing. "A parent'sss inssstinct, mm... I wouldn't know anything about that to be of any real ssservice. I can, however, sssay thisss." A beetle entered the Dark Judge's helm and there was a slight crunch!, his twiggy arms once again crossing. "If you raissse them right, cadet, they ought to keep a decent head on their ssshouldersss. To be frank, one ssshould not usssher forth life into an already criminal world. You would be doing both yourssself and the child little favour, and the law doesss not appreciate sssuch inconsssiderate actsss. Bessst to end their livesss ssswiftly, really." Alas, alas! Kev might as well be an old codger when it came to children and disciplining them. Simply couldn't be bothered and wanted no part in it.

    Softie!

    "Eh... Death isss inevitable, and life isss inevitable when it isss not properly rooted out," he confessed. "That'sss why there isss crime and that'sss why my brother and I cannot sssimply quit. It'sss a viciousss cycle but sssomeone hasss to sssever it. And what'sss thisss about being a dead cow?" Telepaths, oi.

    Kev was right, though. The lad did try and he did get up everyday to see his training through. In that, Judge Fear gave the alien credit. "I don't think that," was the fiend's answer. "I think you have yet to fully underssstand your lessssonsss, but you are no quitter. A ssstubborn bugger jussst like your llama, but no quitter." If the alien had been a quitter, Judge Fear wouldn't have bothered to go through with any of this. Why entertain the notion of being a modern Sisyphus? And speaking of that particular myth... "Comparing him to Blade would not be unfair. I disssagree with you there, cadet. They were leaking tosssspotsss, for one. They both had a penchant for trouble and exasssperating sssituationsss, sssuch asss challenging Dr. Doom and getting tangled with Daemeon. Both vegetariansss, both turned into catsss, they even looked alike dessspite having an age difference, and they alssso left in the sssame fassshion: poof! No letter, no goodbye, no anything. If it quacksss like a sssinner and looksss like a sssinner..." You were smart enough to finish the saying, Kev.

    "Oh no, no sir! That's not what I was saying, sir."

    "Uh-huh..." And Judge Fear was really Judge Cute, a helper and friend of a certain groundskeeper. "I wasss only interesssted in Nym becaussse he had a dangerousss aura about him." Testy, testy. "And asss for the vampiressss..." The undead fiend gave a shameless wave of dismissal, acting fairly nonchalant. "Ssshe wasss a woman of beauty. An elegant lasssss who isss posssitively killer with a sssewing needle, ha ha. Although, admittedly, I may have come acrossss asss rude..." Social skills was not the ghoul's forte. Now, then. Let's see what the alien had to say in regards to his little problem...

    Swindle and Overcast; a pair that many thought would have never left the way they had, abandoning two young girls and so many others. Kev had apparently been at their wedding and seen as a good friend. Neither had said their farewells to the alien, despite such. "Mm..." For a moment Judge Fear nodded his head, mulling over Kev's words of anguish and betrayal. He was going to respectfully keep whatever thoughts to himself until the alien had finished speaking.

    Next, there was Potter. Harry Potter, to be precise.

    A fun and reckless lad... Arrogant, more like it. The Dark Judge had thoroughly reviewed Kev's memories all the same. Harry Potter was, without a doubt, a royal git. A real hothead with no respect for authority. A wizard, too. Judge Fear was automatically not impressed with such an insolent boy, and yet... Kev had been? Strange, very strange. The alien had been close to Potter to the point of breaking down, apparently thrown into an emotional bout because of the implications surrounding the wizard's disappearance. The ghoul couldn't fathom why, at least not yet, but perhaps the answer lied somewhere in Kev's words... Yes, yes... The term 'brother', perhaps? A term of camaraderie used so superficially and without merit? It had been insincerely thrown around between various individuals. Potter and the stitchpunk known as 5 were two, and the other...

    Megamind. Ah, now here was a name that struck a cord in Kev's soul. An emotional parasite, a drama queen, and person that needed to be dropped like a bad habit... Was there anything redeeming about such a pathetic man? Maybe, though the Dark Judge wasn't known for handing out second chances.

    He viewed Megamind with a touch of aggravation, bony fingers gripping at his leathers tighter.

    Potter, 5, and Megamind... What a mess that had been, and calling one 'brother' deserved something more than just selfish gratification.

    And then there was the peculiar case of Kefka... a supposed madman who carried with him a rather nasty philosophy: nothing mattered, so why bother with petty societal constructs? Why not become a god for the sake of becoming a god? How the alien managed to befriend such a blatant psychopath was beyond the Dark Judge's understanding. But oh no, Judge Fear was certainly not similar in any plausible way. That'd be utter crazy talk, it would! Kefka disappeared as they all had; without a goodbye and a trace. Such an odd phenomenon...

    Unsurprisingly, Montiago's name was next to be mentioned. Also unsurprisingly, Kev was a complete dolt with the woman. How could he have possibly not realized that Montiago had feelings for him? The writing had been practically on the bloody walls!

    Terra... Ah yes, the empath. Portal Breach didn't have a very good record with empaths, did it?

    A pensive hum resonated within Judge Fear's helm at the thought, but he continued to remain silent. So, Kev had bonded with this woman, did he? If he had, it wasn't a full bond. It was more... something to keep them both close but just far enough to remain comfortable. Dangerous on the alien's behalf... One should not go making mental bonds with every psychic creature in radius.

    Ahem.

    And finally, to neatly finish everything off on this depressing cupcake, Blade. Or, as Judge Fear liked to call him, Shiro 1.0; really, what's the difference!?

    " - but I remember watching him get sad and drunk and thinking to myself, 'if you loved him back, he wouldn't have gone through this sort of trouble'.

    And I used to feel like it was my fault he'd fallen in love with me, like I gave off some sort of vibe or did something that made him fall in love.

    And he...also promised that he wouldn't..."

    Oh, the implications!

    THUD!

    Metal noisily struck against metal, Judge Fear now lying squarely on his back and staring upward at the afternoon sky; all manners of insects flew off his rotten carcass. Both hands rested peacefully over his emaciated abdomen and for a moment... all was still. Fifteen seconds passed by, and then thirty, forty-five, until an entire minute of silence had lazily carried itself off into the past, before the Dark Judge thought the moment fitting enough to speak. What great wisdom would come echoing out from his helm? What sagely advice to help this poor, confused fool of an alien?

    He twiddled his rotten thumbs and hissed, "That sssucksss, cadet."

    Hmm, simply profound...
    avatar
    Kev
    Moderator

    Moderator

    Posts : 2426
    Join date : 2010-04-06
    Age : 58
    Location : Lovers' meadow/225 Broadband Boulevard
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    0/0  (0/0)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Kev on Fri Feb 20, 2015 5:00 pm

    "There's nothing wrong with it, but I don't really want you to rub your hands all over my skin like that. It's just weird? I don't wanna make you do that and I don't wanna go through with that." Becoming a vampire was promising, up until the part where Kev would have to consume blood. He'd have to bring along a knife and just...cut people, give them little scratches, and rub the blood all over his skin... "Mmngh...I don't think I would either." What's more disgusting then being rubbed down by cold corpse hands? Bathing in blood. The Judge insisted that becoming undead wasn't exactly the greatest thing either, openly admitting to not thinking things through when he first became undead. No sense of taste, or touch...unable to enjoy the sweeter, simpler things in life...Kev considered it all before nodding. "I understand. I'm not really thinking of being undead too much...it's not exactly a life goal. Just..." And here the alien's eyes rolled about for a moment, pondering. "Mmm...it is just a consideration, sir."

    As for protecting children, it was true that he couldn't protect them forever. Indeed, he couldn't protect anyone he loved forever. Attempting to accept it could be a little hard...because he didn't want anything bad to happen to them. So to just make peace with the idea that they could be harmed and there was nothing he could do was almost terrible.  Because maybe if he tried hard enough, he could protect them in time! Yet, he knew he'd be setting himself up for failure. As he told Sonia, you cannot be there for someone all the time. People slip through the cracks, and slip into unpleasant situations...all you could do was support them when they returned to you. Though Kev's train of thought was distracted by a beetle entering Judge Fear's helm only for a crunch to sound. Did the beetle get squished? Or...the alien stared openly. "Did...did you eat that beetle?" Ew. Ew. Why? Oh, oh right, important discussion. Kev shook his head and redirected his attention to the slits rather than the slots in Fear's helm, paying attention to his words. "Between myself, Zurg and Aya, I think we've done a good job with him. As for ushering life in here, it's pretty impossible for me so..." A small shrug. He certainly didn't want to end their lives if he ever did create any spawn here...

    The alien bristled for a moment when the old codger mentioned a 'dead cow', giving him a brief stare. Telepaths... "I was just thinking about how I couldn't just flop over and expect you to do all the work and actually change that way. That I have to put some work into this too." Work that the Judge definitely recognized, which Kev was thankful for. "Thank you, sir." As tempting as it was to give up, he knew that in the end he could not stop. It was interesting to be compared to Llama, that was a first. As for not comparing Blade and Shiro, the Judge insisted that they were close enough to the same that he could definitely compare to two of them. Indeed, Shiro was basically Blade, sans the years on Portal Breach and even a few extra years... "It still feels wrong to just compare his mistakes to Blade's, or hold him accountable for them. He technically didn't make them. Though I guess he was similar enough, in the end." The two of them left in the end.

    Judge Fear still seemed...skeptical. "Honest, that's what I meant, sir." Fear insisted his interest in Nym was due to the aura, something they had spoken of before. As for Aya, he just found her beautiful. "You kept trying to find out where she lived. It was a little creepy...but I understand now, that you didn't mean any harm. Aya is really pretty. I like her hair in particular." So red, so vibrant. It looked so soft! The Judge remained quiet while Kev gave his answers, going down the 'list' of people who's voices were like knives, who were a struggle to keep his bubble up against. Aside from the odd noise or two, the Judge remained quiet, almost thoughtful, as Kev went on. It made the alien curious about what he may have been thinking. To know for sure what thoughts were banging around in that helm...the alien watched him carefully, peeking his eyes over his own arms, that had come to rest on top of his knees. Suddenly, the Judge flopped backwards noisily, the alien nearly leaping up out of his skin. He got into a crouched position, halfway moving to help him back up, only to find that Judge Fear seemed to be...looking at the sky. Insects had been jostled from the movement, and the Judge rested his hands on his own abdomen as though they were merely stargazing. After half of a minute, the alien began to edge himself closer, before eventually laying himself down upon his back to gaze at the sky with him, eyes scanning the clouds. As if hoping to understand Judge Fear in all his ways, and the clouds themselves would somehow hold the key. All was silent...and then it wasn't.

    "That sssucksss, cadet."

    The alien half-turned his head in Fear's direction and snorted. "Sucks?" Aside from being an understatement, to hear the loquacious and fancy Judge Fear use the word sucks...not to mention that after everything Kev had said, all of the detail and words he'd put thought into for explaining all of this to the corpse...he had such a short response to it. The alien snorted again and righted his head to stare back up at the clouds. "Yes, I suppose it sucks, sir." It sucks to be abandoned. It sucks to be left behind. It sucks to lose people. Apparently, that was all a part of life and it had to be accepted. Kev's hands folded onto his chest and he twiddled his own thumbs. "But that's life...and apparently life just kinda sucks, sir."


    _________________
    "I'm Kev, and I speak through the power of telepathy. It is represented by italics and the color code #33CC66."
    avatar
    Fear
    Exabyte

    Exabyte

    Posts : 1261
    Join date : 2013-09-04
    Location : The comfort of a grave
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    65/65  (65/65)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Fear on Fri Feb 20, 2015 8:06 pm

    It's weird to apply dead fluids on a body for judicial purposes? "Asss opposssed to hanging around a rotten corpssse," Judge Fear again pointed out, his tone flat. As opposed to actually befriending that same rotten corpse, too. Kev, you sure had strange double standards. "Consssideration, isss that right... Mm, and why are we consssidering it, cadet?" Most individuals, one could reasonably argue, didn't think about becoming undead during their lifetimes. It wasn't exactly a goal on par with... oh, say, getting that shiny promotion down at the office, owning real estate, driving a nice car, and so forth and so forth. Unless the alien was ready to forfeit a great deal of pleasures and sensations for a lawful eternity, turning undead would not be for him.

    "Did...did you eat that beetle?"

    "What'sss it to you?" Shameless is as shameless does. You ask why, he asks why not?

    Kev being unable to reproduce proved that not everything was terrible. Imagine it! Little scaly aliens running amok around Portal Breach and no doubt inheriting their father's stupidity! Oh the horror. The Dark Judge would have no choice but to purge each and every single one of the buggers. For the world's sanity, you see. "Of courssse you cannot roll over and think to let me do all the work," hissed the ghoul. "I am not doing all of thisss for the benefit of my health, cadet. You are going to put an effort and you are going to like it." What, do you think nukes grow on trees? And again with feeling terrible about that insufferable tosspot! "Hisss missstakesss were not the sssame, no. However, he wasss ssstill sssimilar enough to be objectively compared. A perceptive individual would have realized that assssociating with Ssshiro would only beg hissstory to repeat itssself." Which it did, cadet. The writing was practically all over the walls. But that was quite fine. Kev will learn, either by thinking three steps ahead or through additional heartache, to not place his faith into certain people so blindly. "I needed to know where ssshe worked." Judge Fear was going to contest this, alright. Kev was making it sound as if he were some lowly stalker! "Creepy or not, ssshe makesss a damn fine uniform. Expensssive but worth every penny." Although, if he were to be truthful, the Dark Judge had been just a... pinch creepy. And maybe a little antagonistic, too.

    Ah, but enough idle thinking... Now was the time for reflection; to observe the universe in motion and be at peace with its infinite designs. Thinking to perhaps share in this moment and join, there was soon a curious Kev-Mak-Tarr by the undead fiend's side. Hope you don't mind the unnatural chill, friend. Some things just can't be helped.

    "Sucks?"

    "Ha ha..." Alright, alright. Aside from earning a throaty chuckle or two, Judge Fear had been partially facetious when giving his answer. Suppose it was time for the more serious response, then? "A lot of thingsss sssuck, cadet," he rasped. "Life, death, undeath; none are perfect, none are ideal. The living commit crime, the dead possse for terrible conversssationalissstsss, and the undead are ssstuck in-between. If I am to be perfectly honessst with you, even being a Judge sssucksss. I mean, look at me, cadet." A rotten hand scratched at his chest, nails coarsely rubbing against leather. "I'm a ssspirit taking resssidence in a corpssse. Yesss, it'sss lawful. Can't argue that. But it'sss ssstill a corpssse. It'sss not even my original body and who knowsss what happened to that poor sssod." Corpses smell, corpses fall apart, corpses don't exactly blend into a crowd. Don't even get the Dark Judge started on maggots.

    He paused for a moment, noting a pair of birds flitting overhead. "I like killing people and I do love my job. They're the only comfortsss I have left. And my brothersss, I sssuppossse. It'sss not the sssame purging an entire populace without them by my ssside." A real group effort and there were sometimes killing contests! Judge Fire always seemed to win those, the cheat. "But other than that... Mm, there'sss not much elssse. There never wasss much elssse. Life, death, undeath... They are all equally meaninglesssss; a cycle that will continue to repeat regardlesssss of what transsspiresss all over the universsse. That'sss jussst how thingsss are, cadet."

    Him, the alien, everyone that calls Portal Breach their surrogate home... They were all insignificant. Pure victims of happenstance that saw their existence continued through sheer dumb luck alone.

    "You worry too much about thingsss you have no control over," Judge Fear remarked. "People will leave, people will die. There isss no real difference between the two. How can there be? In reality, people do not alwaysss have the luxury of sssaying goodbye. People do not alwaysss have the foresssight to leave behind notesss. Death isss final, death isss sssudden. Death isss, and alwaysss will, be sssomething that cannot be controlled. It isss the sssame with people who disssappear, mm..." And then the fiend recalled something. Ah, the wonders of sudden epiphany. "Are you familiar with the five ssstagesss of grief?" he asked. "You fit the bill quite well, you know. Denial, anger, bargaining, depresssssion... the final ssstage isss acceptance, but you are not there yet. There isss ssstill much that you have to overcome on a persssonal level before you can achieve thisss."
    avatar
    Kev
    Moderator

    Moderator

    Posts : 2426
    Join date : 2010-04-06
    Age : 58
    Location : Lovers' meadow/225 Broadband Boulevard
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    0/0  (0/0)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Kev on Sat Feb 21, 2015 12:17 am

    It's weird to hang around a rotten corpse? ...Touche. "I think hanging around a rotten corpse is probably less weird then said rotten corpse rubbing fluids all over my naked body as it lays on a slab. As we are now, we don't touch like that! I mean, we do touch sometimes but it's...normal touching. We're both clothed." Was he the only one that found naked hand fluid touching weird? Because it was weird. It made for a very weird sentence too. Weird. "Just considering things. And the future. Future things...considering them so I know what to do. You know? Considerations. Completely normal." He twiddled his thumbs, hoping the Judge wouldn't pry. It was the kind of subject they should probably save for leisure hour or 'sunday's rather than spiritual training. "I'm not setting my heart on anything, or deciding to just abandon my living status. I'm just...considering things." Ooh, Judge Fear sure got a bit defensive about that beetle. He totally ate it. "Nothing at all, sir. Just got curious." Rest in peace, beetle.

    "I'm not saying it because I don't want to do this or because I don't want to do my fair share. I just want to make sure you don't think I'm doing that. And if you did think I was doing that, rolling over and making you do everything for me, then I would want to fix that." Judge Forceful more like...he was going to make an effort and like it? Goodness gracious. As for Shiro, Judge Fear had a point. "I didn't want anything to do with him at first. I just...eventually thought that maybe I could make up for what happened with Blade by making sure things ended better with Shiro. Rest assured, I'm not making that mistake twice." Perhaps it had been where she worked, but it was still creepy. "My mistake. Still...I thought it was suspicious, at the time." Though, did this mean he used Aya's skills at clothes? The alien gave his leathers a brief glance. "Explains why you aren't walking around, practically naked. So she fixes them up for you?" That was nice.

    Kev's position next to Fear definitely kept him in distance of that chill that Fear seemed to radiate, and the alien found himself bunching his sweater up to cover himself up. The chill wasn't too bad in all, though. The alien remained quiet, allowing the corpse to chuckle before he got into the deep stuff. "Hm..." Kev made a thoughtful hum, as Judge Fear explained that many things sucked, one such being state of life. Living, death, and undeath all carried their own pros and cons. Upsides and downsides that made them more agreeable and more detestable. The alien glanced over at him, and didn't even dare ask if Fear held regrets. He already knew the Judge had a few regrets, at least over not thinking things through when it came to being a Judge. For a moment, Kev considered what it would be like to have to abandon his original body. It felt...strange to consider. He had been born in this, been through so much in it...to leave it behind forever? Mm...

    Kev watched as the birds flew over, being a bit mindful in case they dropped anything, though he was still paying attention, even with his eyes squarely on the birds. Being a Judge, killing people and having his brothers around...those were Judge Fear's only 'comforts'. He gave the corpse a slight glance, he knew that Livewire and himself had viewed Fear as a person they cared for, someone they found comfort in, but he understood if the same wasn't true yet for Fear. He had known his brothers for so long, after all. Comparatively, he had known the two of them for so small a time. "How is Mortis?" He asked, rather suddenly. He quieted down after, listening to what Fear had to say, but so far it was the only thing he had actually said. So those three states of life were all meaningless...just an endless cycle. "So it doesn't mean anything?" That was...different, to be sure. The Judge also insisted that Kev worried too much, and the alien silently agreed. As for people leaving and dying...the alien almost disagreed. People chose to leave sometimes, after all. No one chooses to die. Though, he then quickly remembered how death worked here. Technically, anyone who didn't come back after dying? Probably chose not to come back. "Mm...but can't it be somewhat controlled, here? The person who dies can control if they come back, right? The leaving thing, I will grant you that. Sometimes people leave on purpose, other times...apparently they are just taken...but if someone dies and they choose to die forever instead of come back...they technically chose that, didn't they?"

    His thoughtful gaze only increased when Judge Fear mentioned the five stages of grief. "No, sir. I'm not familiar with them." Denial, anger, bargaining, depression...he didn't want to admit that that all sounded very much like himself, but with a wince, he conceded with a nod. There had been times where he had denied people's disappearances, he had definitely become angry over it at times. He had also tried to bargain in an attempt to stop that feeling of abandonment from every happening again, choosing who to avoid and who to be around, as well as analyzing himself. And depression...the only stage he did not fit was acceptance, something he apparently had an issue with. "Like what? What do I still have to overcome to accept everything?"


    _________________
    "I'm Kev, and I speak through the power of telepathy. It is represented by italics and the color code #33CC66."
    avatar
    Fear
    Exabyte

    Exabyte

    Posts : 1261
    Join date : 2013-09-04
    Location : The comfort of a grave
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    65/65  (65/65)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Fear on Sun Feb 22, 2015 12:41 am

    "I think hanging around a rotten corpse is probably less weird then said rotten corpse rubbing fluids all over my naked body as it lays on a slab. As we are now, we don't touch like that! I mean, we do touch sometimes but it's...normal touching. We're both clothed."

    You wot, mate?

    Judge Fear had heard a lot of things during his unnatural existence, but this? This right here was competing for the top. He gave the alien only his best disinterested stare and hissed, "I do not think I like where thisss isss going." And it was going somewhere pretty undesirable. Really, Kev? You really had to word your sentence like that? Dozens of hidden eyes rolled in their pulsating sockets. "Fair enough, cadet, fair enough. A topic bessst left for another day," he yielded. The alien was curious about a lot of things, wasn't he? Inquisitive bugger... That could get a man killed if he wasn't careful. The beetle had been crunchy, by the way. Tasted like dirt.

    "Tch, who you are fooling, cadet? I am a psssychic; your mind isss open to me like any book in the city'sss expansssive library. If I had thought that you weren't doing your fair ssshare, do you honessstly think I wouldn't have sssaid anything by now?" And Judge Forceful, huh? "Hmph." Make up for what happened with Blade... Ah, every tragedy in the making. "I know that you felt your intentionsss well-placed, cadet, but there are sssome individualsss that you jussst cannot help, for whatever reassson. The more you try and the more you bargain with your denial, the more you ssshall feel drained and resssentful. It isss perfectly acceptable to let people like that go. You did, after all, consssent to me killing the boy." You didn't forget about that, did you? "And yesss, ssshe doesss. Missss Valentine doesss a very impressssive job. I highly recommend her ssservicesss."

    It was smart, you know.

    It was smart that Kev knew better than to ask the Dark Judge for his regrets. They were small in number, rest assured, but they were nevertheless there, eternally in the back of his weary, zealous mind. "Mortisss?" he repeated, again scratching at his chest. "My brother isss doing well. We are ssstill connected dessspite the great dissstance between usss, mm..."

    "So it doesn't mean anything?"

    "Not inherently, no." That was the short answer. Now for the long one. Judge Fear thought for a moment and eventually rasped, "People have thisss odd notion of looking to sssome myssstical figure in the sssky, or attributing their fortune and misssfortune on variousss entitiesss that are only tangentially connected to a mortal'sss pathetic lifessspan. They look to thessse sssuperssstitiousss figuresss for fear of the unknown; the truth that there isss nothing beyond. At leassst, nothing beyond in a sssensss that mortalsss like to believe. Take religion, for example. Many theissstsss, it mattersss not the creed, are hasssty to depict realmsss of faith and damnation. How would they know? A great deal of the population cannot even think to break through dimensssional barriersss, mm... People are sssimply afraid. When you die, you die. That'sss all there isss. Isss there a heaven? Isss there a Hell? Yesss, I sssuppossse. But they are not what the ssso-called "ssscholarsss" believe them asss. That isss why, cadet, you ssshould assssociate meaning yourssself. Don't let othersss do it for you, becaussse they are oftentimesss wrong. Meaning isss sssubjective, meaning isss ephemeral. You are too. It only meansss nothing or sssomething if you desssire it ssso."

    But can't it somewhat be controlled, asked Kev? The Dark Judge thought about this too, though he ultimately shook that heavy bucket of his. "An illusssion," he hissed. "How do you know thisss to be the truth, cadet? What if, for inssstance, Mar had wanted to return? What if he wasss actually taken and never given the opportunity? Mm, too many variablesss left unanssswered. I would not place much ssstock in rumoursss and local belief." Citizens only knew bits and pieces of the truth, left to infer between the blanks.

    That was hardly the objective truth, see.

    "Like what? What do I still have to overcome to accept everything?"

    "Everything." Wasn't that obvious, Kev? Bony toes loudly cracked, their joints aching for motion. "The fact that you continue to falter throughout your mental exercisssesss isss evidence enough. You have made progressss with the physssical assspect, but you ssstruggle with the mental and ssspiritual. I think you ssshould asssk yourssself a few very important quessstionsss, cadet. You ssshould confront what bothersss you, reflect upon it, and learn to not ssshove assside or ignore, but to embrace. You are not perfect and you are not entirely flawed; you are, alasss, mortal. Jussst asss I once wasss. Therein, you need to work on bringing an inner balance to accept everything that hauntsss you. And that of courssse meansss you ought not to be ssso bloody ssstubborn all the damn time. I underssstand that you are an alien, but for God'sss sssake, cadet! There'sss nothing wrong in humility, eh wot?"
    avatar
    Kev
    Moderator

    Moderator

    Posts : 2426
    Join date : 2010-04-06
    Age : 58
    Location : Lovers' meadow/225 Broadband Boulevard
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    0/0  (0/0)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Kev on Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:59 am

    It only took fifty years, but it seemed the Judge now understood why Kev took issue with being naked on a slab. With a quick "Exactly." Kev was content to let that topic go, just as the Judge relented in speaking of becoming undead another day. There was no rush, the alien didn't exactly want to shed his mortal coil just yet, after all. But perhaps one day...

    Kev's head tilted towards the Judge, looking at him from the corner of his eye thanks to his prone position next to him. In all honesty, he still wasn't completely used to his mind being so open to the Judge, or to anyone else really. Terra and Arius both were exceptions. Suppose he had a point...Judge Fear wasn't exactly the type of guy to be subtle if he were shirking. "You're right sir. I just want to make sure. Just in case maybe you said something and I just didn't hear it because...well...because I was caught up in my own emotions earlier." During the physical exercises, Kev hadn't exactly been the best listener. In truth, he could still feel that tired numbness down in his pit, the one he felt earlier, but the spiritual exercises always made him feel better. He didn't feel so knotted up or torn. As Judge Fear spoke, the alien listened to his words. It made sense. He knew it was true, because he had backed off of people in the past, deeming them to be unable to be helped. At that last bit however, Kev gave him a pointed glance. "I didn't want you to kill him forever. I was hoping that if you killed him, he'd come back and be free of Daemeon's influence." Though the pointed glance melted and he turned his gaze back to the skies. "I don't know why it's so hard for me to let him go...you're right. I've tried to help him as much as I could, and we both know what I have to show for it. I tried to help him however I could and in the end he just left me. Twice. I shouldn't care about him, I shouldn't! He's only a few notches better than Megamind!"

    Livewire wrote:"Because, he would just..hurt you. He was toxic to you, and...and you're just...you would have kept giving him chances. And he was reverting back to how he had been, before."

    Even Livewire could see it, and had even tried to intervene, for his sake. Something was wrong, something had been off. He should never have embraced him. He shouldn't have tried to make up for old wrongs, it just couldn't be done. It was impossible, because even if he kept Shiro alive and happy, it was like Kev himself had said. Shiro was not Blade. In the end, even if he succeeded with Shiro, it wouldn't change Blade's situation in the least. The alien sniffled, vision blurring and a few stray tears rolling down his cheeks. "H-he used to be a good friend...." He reached a hand up to wipe away his tears, a little sheepish for crying again. "Y-yeah, she's really good at clothes. She put a wool lining into some clothes for me one time." Very warm and toasty.

    "I'm glad he's doing well, and that you two are still connected." Mortis was important to Fear, and he didn't want to get between them in any way. Kev twiddled his thumbs and took a deep breath, collecting himself after the brief cry. So it didn't necessarily mean 'nothing'. Judge Fear began to speak of Gods, and Kev's kind were not exempt. Specific Gods were in charge of the things that happened to specific species. Not directly, but mostly when it came to if they survived or died and went extinct. It was pretty easy to blame these things for the woes of their kind. Judge Fear insisted that there was no point, either for that or for people's tendency to decide that in the end, there were different places to ascend to. In Kev's beliefs, there was either simple 'upwards' in the area where Gods and the dead reside, or trapped on the planet where they died. The Heaven/Hell idea had been new to him when he first arrived. New and unfounded, as they merely made the places up, according to Judge Fear. Since the Judge himself spent time in Limbo, he likely knew what he was talking about.  Or at least, made up the majority of the details they seemed to 'know'. "It's a little hard to associate much meaning to the afterlife here. As far as I know, there's the Pool of Souls and...that's it. Go to the pool, undergo a trial, come back or fail and stay there. Nothing too 'heaven' or 'hell'y. I don't even know if people reunite in death here." It was a nice thought, but did it have any merit?

    Mm, and any semblance of control over the circumstances of one's death was illusion, according to the Judge. "Well, when you and Mortis were here a few months ago, I brought up that if I died during training, I might not come back. Or something, the possibility came up...and Mortis made it seem like, as long as I wished to come back because of the people I cared for, I would come back. Honestly, I don't know much else beyond that. I don't think it could be based on 'number of death's, because...well, I've died a lot. Death can be so...confusing, here..." Sometimes all you had was rumor and local belief. The idea too that Jak sincerely wanted to return to his wife...mm, it was a sad one. Everything...? Kev gave the Judge a thoughtful glance. Ask himself questions, reflect and try not to shove anything aside or ignore it...embrace it, accept, it, but how? How did he grab any sort of inner balance? How did he do these things?

    "And that of courssse meansss you ought not to be ssso bloody ssstubborn all the damn time. I underssstand that you are an alien, but for God'sss sssake, cadet! There'sss nothing wrong in humility, eh wot?"

    "Being stubborn is what keeps me going." He gave the Judge an inquisitive look. "What should I be more humble about? What do you suggest I do to...better embrace these things? Embrace everything that happens during the mental and spiritual aspects? You've embraced the things you've been through...how do you do it? Just...embrace it and let it wash over you?" What was his secret for it?


    _________________
    "I'm Kev, and I speak through the power of telepathy. It is represented by italics and the color code #33CC66."
    avatar
    Fear
    Exabyte

    Exabyte

    Posts : 1261
    Join date : 2013-09-04
    Location : The comfort of a grave
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    65/65  (65/65)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    Re: Nascence [Week 4 - 6]

    Post by Fear on Sun Feb 22, 2015 6:22 am

    It only took fifty years because someone's mind was in the gutter. Contrary to how filthy the Dark Judge's host may be, his mind was relatively pure. And it was going to stay that way, too. "I would alssso know if you were tuning me out," Judge Fear reminded, perhaps for the umpteenth time. "And hearing, cadet, isss different from lissstening." They weren't the same, see. The alien was rather good with hearing; it was his listening that could use a bit of work.

    "And how do you know that Ssshiro would bother to come back?" Think about it, friend. Suppose the Dark Judge had given the fool his pink slip. What if he never returned just like Mar, lost to the void forever? Would you be able to live with yourself then, hmm? "And let usss not forget what could happen upon hisss return, if the boy had the ssstonesss," he continued. "He could find out that you asssked for hisss death, hisss trussst in you forever ssshattered. He could again ssstrike a deal with Daemeon and literally render everything moot. He could even ssstumble into greater trouble and further ssstresssss your relationssship with him." Really, anything concerning Shiro was a gamble. How come Kev didn't see that? It was a continuous struggle for Judge Fear to wrap his mushy, worm-infested noggin in riddling out the alien's dilemma. Guilt? Pity? Even a pinch of resentment? The answer lied within Kev's head, that much the Dark Judge knew. Perhaps if he were to dig a little deeper... Oh, wait. Found something of interest.

    "Because, he would just..hurt you. He was toxic to you, and...and you're just...you would have kept giving him chances. And he was reverting back to how he had been, before."

    Eh?

    Ghostly eyes flickered as Judge Fear processed this voice. That was Livewire, wasn't it? Seems the femme had the perception her scaly friend did not. What a difference a fresh pair of eyes could - "Mm?" All thought ceased as a foreign emotion crawled its way into the Dark Judge's senses, the fringes of his psychic extremities tingling. Ah, the overwhelming feeling of sorrow... of a bittersweet yearning that could never be... A quiet sigh escaped him as he left the alien's emotional state unfettered.  

    Kev really cared for that tosspot, didn't he? Foolish man... Anyone could have seen that Shiro was a lost cause; a boy swamped in his own vices and unmotivated to better himself for others. But, the ghoul supposed, Kev had let his bias for Blade cloud his better judgement. Happened to the best of them, really. It would do little good reminding the alien of his mistake, however, seeing as how the unsatisfying end of his friendship with Shiro (and by extension, Blade) had left an empty pit in his soul. A nasty scar was all that remained, alas. Judge Fear kept his eyes forward, to the rich blue sky, and allowed Kev to have a moment of privacy. There's a good lad... Wipe your tears away and try to remain strong, yeah? "You may weep freely," the Dark Judge commented. "It isss better, cadet, to let thisss emotion passsss and to resssissst bottling it. Sssuch upsssetting thoughtsss will only fessster if not properly vented." And would eventually give the undead fiend one hell of a empathic migraine. As for the afterlife here... Judge Fear admittedly knew nothing about it firsthand. His opinion, after all, was that he could no sooner be sent to the Pool of Souls than he could be Heaven or Hell. That required the work of a higher being. A being beyond even his own standing.

    Tch, as if an angel or demon would ignore their petty war and bother...

    "Judge Mortisss and I believe that you mossst likely return from thisss Pool of Sssoulsss if you desssire it hard enough," the ghoul reaffirmed. "However, we are cautiousss to ssstate much further. There isss ssso little recorded fact on the matter, and we would rather prefer that our opinionsss rely on evidence and not mere conjecture." Judge Fear highly doubted that Kev would allow himself to never return. The alien had far too many commitments to abandon!

    "Being stubborn is what keeps me going. What should I be more humble about? What do you suggest I do to...better embrace these things? Embrace everything that happens during the mental and spiritual aspects? You've embraced the things you've been through...how do you do it? Just...embrace it and let it wash over you?"

    Hmm, where to begin...

    A leathery hand reached up to idly rub the Dark Judge's concealed chin, pensive hums echoing within his helm. "What ssshould you be more humble about... Well, for ssstartersss, I'd sssay you ought to quit resssisssting your training, cadet. You ought to focusss more on the good it isss doing and ssspend lessss and lessss thought on the difficult. You have to complete thissss and nothing about your training isss going away. Why continue to be apprehensssive about your exercisssesss?" It was like fighting the inevitable! Didn't the alien find that tiring? "And two," he rasped further, "I sssuggessst that you wake up each morning and go about thingsss with a more... mm, posssitive air. You won't get much done sssulking about beneath a grey cloud. Ssso your physssical exercisssesss are hard... You've gained mussscle, haven't you? Ssso your mental exercisssesss are excruciating... They're nothing new, and you've learned a few techniquesss to combat them. The way I sssee it, cadet, you're growing asss the weeksss continue. It'sss not an easssy growth, no. But it sssure beatsss what you were three weeksss ago, doesssn't it?"

    You were stronger, Kev. You were faster, sharper, wiser. You were slowly developing your sense of self and gradually overcoming your demons. That was something to appreciate, no? Unsurprisingly, the alien asked how he managed all of this. "I am assssuming you mean Law Ssschool," Judge Fear hissed. Law School, Law School... Come to think, the Dark Judge didn't really remember much. It was all very foggy...

    "Mm... Probably becaussse we did not have a choice," the ghoul answered. That was perhaps the best way of putting it. "It wasss either we passssed our ssstudiesss and continued to progressss, or we failed and were usssed asss 'propsss' for variousss unitsss to practice with. It wasss a cruel place, admittedly. A lot of children and young adultsss met a grim demissse. I sssuppossse it would not be incorrect to sssay that our tutorsss inssstilled fear in usss. Fear of failing, fear of disssappointing, fear of getting ssshot like an animal for the more promisssing cadetsss to whet their curiousss appetite and hone their ssskillsss. You learn to ignore that fear, however. You learn to sssteel your nervesss and control your anxiety. A level head isss key. If you crack and go nuttersss, the tutorsss would sssend you away for the ssscience department. We never sssaw what happened to thossse poor sssodsss afterwardsss, now that I'm recalling..."

    Most likely used for experiments or bio-testing. Now, what's this about letting things wash over? "Eh, after you've walked the sssame old beat thousssandsss of timesss and sssentenced sssinnersss from sssunrissse to sssunssset, you eventually grow numb, cadet. I can't begin to tell you how many timesss I had been ssshot, ssstabbed, bludgeoned, electrocuted, tortured, and all that fun ssstuff while doing my job. And thisss wasss when I wasss living, mind you. You jussst..." Judge Fear lightly shrugged, a few of his chains rattling softly.

    "You jussst don't think about it. You think about the missssion you've been assssigned, you think about how you can be a better Judge, you think about... oh, what elssse? Ah yesss, and you think about sssurviving. Donning the helmet and wearing the badge isss esssentially putting a bright bullssseye on your back, complete with the mossst obnoxiousss winking lightsss you can think of. You walk out of your sssector houssse realizing that today could be your lassst day on the job. Ever. You could go out by a bullet, a knife, an incendiary device, jussst about anything. Hell, you could even be murdered in your sssleep while in the sssector houssse. And that doesssn't include the bent Judge or two, either." Talk about a stressful and thankless job, but it was a job the Dark Judge nevertheless loved. "It'sss worth it, though," he confessed. "It'sss worth doing the good work and wiping out whatever lawbreaking-ssscum you can get your handsss on. Pay wasss ssso-ssso and the benefitsss weren't anything ssspecial, but the luncheon vouchersss were nice. A Judge ssshould alwaysss have a hearty meal before going out into the lawlessss massssesss, I think."

    That brainwashing ran deep.

      Current date/time is Fri Aug 18, 2017 2:13 pm