Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    Breakeven

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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Discord on Mon Jul 13, 2015 1:18 pm

    Discord just shrugged.  What could he say? He liked having the ability to get around when he wanted to, and long term relationships didn’t really let him do that. Monotony just wasn’t his thing. ”No one’s really sparked much of my interest. Not that I’m complaining,” he said. He at least couldn’t think of anyone he was that kind of that close to (let alone anyone with that kind of love for him), and he didn’t feel as if there would be anyone like that in the future either. But again, monotony was not his thing, so he couldn’t say he really cared.

    The draconequus eyed Kev curiously. Tame? At Kev’s words of reassurance he realized that he had probably had the wrong idea; it sounded as if this god was more mischievous than sadistic, much like Discord himself. ”It sounds as if you’re speaking from experience?” he speculated. The “do tell” was very heavily implied. Apparently this god had played with the residents before; enough for Kev to recognize a pattern, at least. ”Certainly.” He could fly, so that wasn’t the issue. It was just that he couldn’t fly particularly well; tiny mismatched wings couldn’t get him off the ground without help, after all, and even at his full power, flying could be taxing for him. Better to just not no matter what angle one considered the possibility from.

    ”Oh yes, extremely ironic,” Discord agreed. ”That’s part of what makes it so hilarious.” That and watching all the poor affected creatures panic. That was always fun…in the past but not anymore because he was reformed now. Oh, what the heck, it was still funny! It wasn’t like the effects were permanent or damaging (aside from Dash flying into walls repeatedly, of course, but that was her own fault for continuing to try when she obviously couldn’t) or anything like that, so he was allowed to laugh. Another thing he couldn’t help but agree with were Kev’s words of wisdom. ”Yes, sensei,” he replied, putting one fist into the opposite palm and dipping his head gracefully as if in salute to a great master. As hypocritical as he may have seemed, he couldn’t just let that syntax go unacknowledged. 「 私はあなたを失望させません、」 he promised. Subtitles claiming he had said “I will not let you down” floated in the air just in front of him as he spoke, disappearing soon after.

    Discord beamed at Kev’s promise. ”Ooo, I can’t wait,” he responded eagerly. It sounded like Kev had something in mind already, and he really couldn’t wait to find out just what that was.

    ”You know, capable of thought,” he clarified. He had thought he was using the term correctly… He wasn’t quite used to referring to “organics” and such as various citizens of the Breach often did. In Equestria they hadn’t had very many robots and demons and the like. Because of that and the fact that there were clear divisions between most of the races, being politically correct wasn’t quite as difficult. That, or it was just more familiar for him… Either way, the point stood.

    Bummer… ”Good idea.” He couldn’t be entirely disappointed, however; at least Kev would be affected, and he supposed that the animals being affected as well would be more hassle than it was worth.
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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Kev on Wed Jul 15, 2015 10:22 pm

    Suppose that made sense...from what Kev knew, Discord was only just beginning to make friends and have friendships. The draconequus used to want to throw the world into total chaos! That wasn't exactly a goal that left a lot of room for developing friendships, let alone a relationship. "The important thing, is that you are happy." He agreed with a nod. "The single life isn't that bad...it can be nice, sometimes!" Though Kev himself unsure. Not that being single was wrong of course...just that it was hard to really think up why it was 'great'.

    The alien rested an elbow on the arm rest of his chair, the furniture creaking at the movement, before directing his attention back to Discord. At his guess, Kev couldn't help a small snort. "Oooh, yeeeah." There was a time where X made frequent trips to the Sanctuary, and those trips could be...cause for concern. "He has a uh...different sort of humor. Kind of violent and...uncomfortable, sometimes...but it always goes back to normal afterwards! So, if you happens to do something like...say..." The alien's eyes darted to the side, and the next part came in a whisper, "turn your face into a butt, don't worry, it will go away!" That was as much detail as Discord was going to get, because anything other then the butt-faces may scare the draconequus away from X. Especially with the things X had done when he glitched out before being taken over by SIR. Nope...it was better that Discord knew of the butt-faces and dildo rain.

    So the irony really was part of the joke, and most definitely on purpose! "That's so interesting...I almost want to take that Poison Joke and spread it around, just to see what ironic things it would do to other people!" The alien chuckled to himself, almost sheepish. "Though, I suppose everybody else would be kinda upset if that happened, huh? It's still a very fascinating little plant!" It sounded like it could even have its own intelligence, perhaps! Or just some...weird...magical awareness of its surroundings? Kev had no idea, and Discord probably wouldn't either, so rather then repeat his earlier mistakes of asking Discord questions he couldn't answer, the alien kept mum. "Hm?" Sensei? Kev blinked at Discord, perplexed, and his confusion only increased when Discord bowed his head and began to speak...some other sort of language. Before Kev could go about asking what he'd said, words suddenly appeared in front of him. "Ah!" Kev pushed himself against the back of the couch, caught off-guard. He squinted at the words, taking them in. Was that a translation...? "Oh...great! Thank you, I believe in you!" He gave him a thumb's up, though he was tempted to touch those weird floating words, only for them to disappear. "You are one of a kind, Discord. And in a place like this, that's an achievement."

    He chuckled again at Discord's grin. "I'll try not to disappoint!" Maybe a nice little bouquet of something would help keep his spirits up! As for any ideas, well...there were just so many options. So many possible routes to take. Should he go 'funny', or more sincere? Pick something that would be significant to the chaotic draonequus, or try to match his colors? ...Did chaotic plants exist...? There was just so much to consider, and the alien would definitely be racking his brain to pick the best option.

    "Oh, right, right...capable of thought." Plants couldn't really think, but animals could! Well...sort of. Animals didn't have any existential crises, at least none of his animals did...but they definitely had simpler thoughts as well as emotions. "In that case, definitely a good idea to keep the animals away from it." The alien nodded to himself as if to assure himself that it was the correct step. There was suddenly a rather adamant "mrow", and a tortoiseshell cat suddenly climbed out from underneath of the couch that Discord was sitting on. "Shally, is that where you've been all this time?" The cat looked around, primarily at the guest. Her eyes centered on him with interest before swiveling her head towards her owner and meowing at him again. "Shally~" Kev cooed, wriggling his fingers at her. Leaving the safety of the couch behind, she made her way to Kev. She easily leapt up to lay herself across his lap, head settling against his knee easily. Though her eyes soon settled back onto Discord's, staring into him with her bright green eyes. Clueless, the alien merely scratched behind her ears. "This is my cat, Shally." As if after using the name twice, there could be some sort of confusion over who this cat was.


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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Discord on Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:10 pm

    ”Precisely,” Discord agreed with a small nod. He was happy with the way things were, he supposed… At least in that regard, anyway. Another friend or two would be nice, but he didn’t care to pick up a relationship relationship at the moment. Maybe one day he would change his mind, but for now, he was perfectly content to live without any special somepony.

    Violent and uncomfortable? He couldn’t help but feel a little of his trepidation return at that. The violent part was more of a cause for concern for him than the uncomfortable part… He wondered what Kev could mean by that, and was actually afraid to ask; best to just be cautious in any dealings with the deity, he supposed. At Kev’s whisper, however, Discord’s internal uneasiness was almost entirely forgotten, and he snorted loudly with barely contained laughter and slapped his claws over his mouth. It wasn’t the sort of thing the draconequus would probably think of himself, but he saw that as a good thing; if he knew what the god’s sense of humor had up its sleeve, then he’d almost certainly get bored very quickly. ”Yes, that would certainly be uncomfortable for the poor victim. At least it’s not permanent!”

    PLEASE DO. It would save him the effort. ”Last I checked there appeared to be a rather nice little flower shop in the city…” he replied. ”Just sayin’.” He supposed Kev did have a point there, but c’mon, it wasn’t like the plant was harmful. Irritating, sure, but otherwise a harmless joke. He had actually considered offering it to that quaint shop himself in the past, he just hadn’t gotten around to it yet. He would’ve included a warning note, of course… ”I guess so.”

    Kev reacted about the way one would expect someone to react when their friend suddenly begins speaking Japanese out of nowhere. Also as expected, however, he seemed to have learned to just roll with it, at least for the most part. Discord couldn’t help but snicker. ”Why thank you! I try,” he replied with a small beam. Being one of a kind was a lot better than being just like everyone else, that was for sure.

    And speaking of animals, there’s one now! Discord had opened his mouth to reply, but closed it abruptly in mild confusion when that little “mrow” escaped instead of whatever he had been planning to say. It wasn’t him, though; no, it was the little kitty that had apparently been underneath his seat the entire time. He blinked in surprise. Shally? ”Apparently all of our top-secret plans have been compromised,” he observed good-humoredly as the cat leaped to Kev’s lap. She was staring at him rather intently, wasn’t she? ”I see.” Surprisingly, he didn’t actually see many cats around the cottage… The strays probably stayed near the city for the most part, and there weren’t many cats living in the woods. Hopefully cute little Shally wouldn’t be like Opalescence… ”Hi.” He waved to the cat, obviously unable to think of a more legitimate response to being stared at by her. ”Apparently she thinks I’m a bit of an anomaly as well,” he snickered.
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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Kev on Mon Jul 20, 2015 2:30 pm

    Any of the discomfort and anxiety Discord seemed to be feeling regarding Portal X and his powers seemed alleviated at the idea of his face turning into a pair of round, bouncy cheeks. Kev hadn't really expected Discord to snort like that, but in hindsight...he really should have expected it. It seemed like something that would be right up Discord's alley, after all! The alien pulled away at the snort, staring up at Discord before letting out a snort of his own. His eyes crinkled at the corners, snickering like a gremlin. "Oh yes, I'd hate to be have a butt-face forever!" Though people definitely seemed uncomfortable with the transformation, they didn't seem hurt or traumatized. Mostly just...annoyed. "Kekeke! And you know, you can't really talk when your face is like that either! They just...!" Kev slapped a knee, letting out a loud cackle. "They just make little 'poot' noises! Like 'pfffftftfttt...'!" He couldn't exactly replicate it, having no lips, but he did the best he could and wiped away a tear.

    He settled down from the laughter in time to hear Discord mention a flower shop. "Hm? ...Oh! Tally's flower shop, right?" The alien perked up, tapping his chin. "I always keeping meaning to go over there and see her shop...maybe get some seeds for myself." He never even thought about how the place would have flowers that he could have made into a bouquet. "Right, right...good point!" Went right over his head, it did. "Wonder if she's ever seen some poison joke..." That part was more of a mumble to himself, now rather curious. Tally was very interested in plants, after all. She had also made many excursions out into the wilderness. Perhaps she had seen some! Kev decided to take Discord's 'guess' as a shaky agreement, and dropped the subject of people getting surprised Poison Joke. The joke was harmless, not even permanent, and Discord definitely seemed like the pranking type. Kev could appreciate a good joke, but he knew some people couldn't. Even Kev himself had days where the most innocuous joke could be so ill-timed that he'd get completely offended and angry. No matter how harmless it was at the end of the day. Better to be safe then sorry! Kev gave a small bow to Discord in return. "You're very welcome, and you definitely succeed~!" Discord had a lot of little tricks up his sleeve, those random words just being the most recent ones he had witnessed. The alien let out a small hm as he pondered, soon turning to Discord with his head tilted. "Does that happen everytime you speak another language? The...translation and floating words, that is." It was useful, but probably bad for any secrets he may be trying to keep hidden under another dialect.

    The alien let out a barely concealed chuckle at how greatly timed Shally's meow was, Discord seeming rather confused for a moment. Hey, from the looks of that paw, Discord may have some cat in him anyways! His finger wasted no time in threading their way through the soft fur, parting it and smoothing it out as he chuckled. "Oh yes. Next time we should plan in code so the animals can't intercept it and give away all of our plans." At the wave, Shally's pupils followed every movement of Discord's odd little paw. "Aaw~." The alien slipped a finger underneath her chin, scratching to hit a sweet spot. The cat began to purr, eyes closing in response as she leaned her head into it and bumped against Kev's hand. "Staring is rude, Shally." He chided lightly, in a joking tone before looking back to Discord. "She's harmless, staring aside! ...Though you might want to watch your tail. Especially with that little tuft of fur at the end, she might think it's a toy."


    Last edited by Kev on Thu Jul 23, 2015 7:30 pm; edited 1 time in total


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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Discord on Thu Jul 23, 2015 7:21 pm

    Discord had mostly gotten control of his mirth…before Kev decided to imitate a butt-face, causing the draconequus to lose it. He cackled loudly, holding his stomach. ”Priceless!” was all he could get out between practically struggling to breathe. After a moment, he did make the effort to calm himself, his laughter finally dying down and stopping almost entirely apart from a few leftover chuckles. ”Ahh, that is classic,” he added with a slight snicker. This god couldn’t possibly be all bad with comic genius like that up his sleeve.

    ”That’s the one.” So he hadn’t been mistaken after all; he hadn’t known that it was run by Tally, though. She was one of the ones he had met during that summer’s excursion? Yes, and he believed she was even one of the few of them that lived longer than he had. Assuming he was thinking of the right person, that is… ”If she’s been to a certain spot in the woods sometime in the past few months, perhaps. Otherwise, I doubt it.” That was when and where he had grown it, after all. He supposed that maybe since ponies had been on the Breach before that perhaps their resident trickster of a deity could have created some to make the place a bit more homely for its cutie-marked residents, but if he had, then he hadn’t encountered it.

    Kev wrote:"Does that happen everytime you speak another language? The...translation and floating words, that is."

    ”Now now, Kev, I have to keep some of my trade secrets hidden,” he scolded gently with a wink. If everyone knew his tricks then they’d likely stop being surprised by them, and what fun would that be? No, he had said enough tonight already about that particular subject. Kev would just have to wonder.

    Discord snickered. ”Good plan.” The cat wasn’t doing any harm, just as Kev promised. Other than the staring, of course. Wait, his tail? He curled the tufted appendage up so he could briefly study it, giving it an experimental wiggle and watching the tuft of fur at the end shift with the movement. Yes, he would have to attempt to keep that out of reach… He had to blink a few times and look away just to avoid being mesmerized himself. ”It’s not my fault I’m so irresistible to cats,” he huffed jokingly with a slight smile. He let out a wistful sigh. ”Just one of the many curses that goes along with having such an amazing form, I suppose…”
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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Kev on Sat Aug 01, 2015 6:58 pm

    In what was perhaps the most up-roaring laugh he had heard all day, the draconequus grabbed his own stomach and laughed loudly and wildly. Kev's eyes widened for a moment, surprised by just how funny Discord found that to be, before he chuckled right along with him. He almost wanted to ask if Discord was going to be alright, he didn't seem to be breathing very easily...thankfully, the dying began to die down. The alien kept chuckling to himself for a few moments, crossing one leg over the other as he looked back at his guest. "I really didn't do it any justice, it's much funnier in person! ...And with actual cheeks!" It was nice to see that Discord thought that was funny, though! Maybe Discord and Portal X would get along after all. The alien thought that it would do the Portal well to have more friends...he seemed like a lonely soul.

    Tally's shop was indeed the one! ...Not that he had ever really seen any other flower shops in the first place. Still, it was definitely the one he was thinking of! Wonder what sorts of flowers she had...perhaps a mismatched sort of bouquet would be a nice idea for Discord. Something that matched him, in a way. A certain spot in the woods, huh? "She travels out to the woods pretty frequently, but I suppose she hasn't found that certain spot. Otherwise, I imagine she'd mention it." Tally had seen many things on her adventures...but never any flowers that changed something about someone.

    Kev snapped his fingers before crossing his arms in a jokingly disappointed manner. "Drat...I was hoping to steal your trade secrets, become my own little master of Chaos~!" Having a bit of magic of his own could be neat. Everybody else, Discord included, made it seem so great! It was almost like a true form of freedom, to use one's skills to do whatever they wish.

    "Thanks! Those are the only ones I have~!" He threw in a wink to go with it. His head cocked to the side when Discord inspected his own tail, Shally's head also cocking to the side, though her pupils also increased with interest. Kev himself focused more on the actual tail, pink and scaly. The white tuft on top almost seemed out of place among the almost reptilian skin! Shally's interest faded soon enough, closing her eyes and beginning to knead her paws into Kev's legs. The alien winced as her claws poked through, but otherwise stroked the back of her ears affectionately. "Do your looks affect all cats, like the big ones, or does it just affect domestic cats?" Imagine a tiger, following after Discord's tail. Batting at it with big paws that dwarfed the actual tail tuft.

    ((Sorry this took so long! This week got busy in a hurry))


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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Discord on Tue Aug 04, 2015 9:35 pm

    Discord cleared his throat to reply. ”Oh, Kev, you do it a justice in your own way,” he snickered with a sigh. He probably would have only found it half as funny if it hadn’t been Kev’s imitation; even the effort was enough to make him chuckle, let alone the result. Besides, that shtick was timeless with the right amount of creativity and/or timing. Overall, he was thoroughly entertained by the whole thing.

    Well, if Tally made frequent trips to the forest then maybe she would stumble across some wild ‘Joke at some point… ”Oh we’d hear about it alright,” he said with a gleeful sort of wince. ”Being affected by Poison Joke is something that’s kinda hard to not notice.” It could cause panic even in those who knew of its existence (even he had been alarmed to find his ability to speak and stand on two legs suddenly taken from him), let alone those who didn’t. The ponies had thought it was a hex cast by a witch doctor at first, before they were told the truth. He really wished he could’ve been there the more he thought about it; it sounded like it had been such a disharmonious spectacle. Begging Fluttershy for as many details as she could spare only got him so far.

    Awww… The Draconequus’ Apprentice, anyone? ”If you wish to know my secrets,” he said with the most profound squint and strained old-man voice he could manage, ”you must first dedicate yourself fully to the Ancient Arts of Chaos and Disharmony. Only then can you begin your epic quest for the Toilet Brush of Dishar-destiny, with which you may have a chance of harnessing the Magic of Discord…” What? If it was easy then everypony would do it and it wouldn’t be so out of the ordinary.

    He couldn’t help but snicker at that healthy dose of sass. ”But of course.” And it would seem that Shally was losing interest in him… Apparently he wasn’t interesting enough. He was boring! He actually took personal offense to that. ”Not sure. I seemed pretty delectable to a chimera once, if that’s what you mean,” he replied offhandedly while his attention was obviously focused on the small cat currently kneading her owner’s lap. He narrowed his eyes and stuck his lighter blue wing out, flapping it a little bit to shuffle the pretty shiny feathers. Tantalizing, no?
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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Kev on Thu Aug 13, 2015 12:33 am

    The alien perked up in his chair, squinting his eyes in a pleased manner. "Why thank you!" How kind of him! Of course, it didn't take an awful lot of talent to imitate a fart noise, but to be told he did the noise 'justice' was nice. The alien chuckled to himself softly, it had actually been a while since he had seen the buttface transformation too. Who would have thought he'd be entertaining a guest by imitating the noise?

    Discord confirmed that if Tally had wandered into some Poison Joke, she would have noticed it and probably mentioned it to people. The effects were rather hard to ignore, and indeed, the effects that he knew of seemed rather noticeable. Kev took in the gleeful wince of the draconequus with a raised brow. "Good point, you're right. Tally's a normal human too, so any sort of changes she'd probably notice in a heartbeat." Such as growing a tail, suddenly possessing the ability to breath fire...or having the curls stolen from her hair! Tally would have informed people to warn them against the Poison Joke too.

    With a squint, and a change in tone, Discord began to inform Kev of what exactly he would have to do in order to learn the true secrets to chaos magic. Kev leaned forward, eyes wide with interest as he listened to the 'wise' Master speak. The first step, was to study the Ancient Arts of Chaos and Disharmony. Only after dedicating himself to this duty could he undertake a valiant quest. A quest, for the ever important...Toilet Brush of Dishar-destiny...? The alien gave a muffled snort, amusement in his eyes now rather then rapt attention. "What if I got the Toilet Brush of the Public Room of Rest? Would I harness any chaos magic or does it have to be that specific Toilet Brush?" Perhaps he could cheat and get that magic...

    The cat's paws continued to move in their usual motion, up and down, claws retracting and jabbing into the alien. Upon being rubbed behind the ears, Shally nudged her head into Kev's hand greedily, silently demanding more pets where she craved it. Meanwhile, the alien focused on the draconequus, hand still scratching. "A chimera? What's that?" Must have been a big ole cat if it wanted to eat Discord! The alien tilted his head when one of Discord's wings gave a little flutter. For the cat though, her head instantly snapped to attention at the sound of ruffling feathers. Her eyes trained on the wing, she hunkered down low on Kev's lap, staring with wide eyes. The alien continued to scratch at the air before he realized that Shally had moved, glancing down. "Hm?" Shally's shoulder blades wiggled, tail lightly wagging with interest. Purrrrr...


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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Discord on Fri Aug 14, 2015 4:25 pm

    Normal humans seemed to be the equivalent of your typical pony here on the Breach… He still wasn’t quite used to that, ponies being an unusual species. He wasn’t even sure how there could be a “normal” species on the Breach, considering how the only thing many of them had in common was being humanoid in some way. Anyway, Kev’s point still stood. ”Precisely. It’s not every day you’re randomly ‘hexed’ by who knows what,” he said with exaggerated air quotes around “hexed.” That would never stop being funny. Getting hexed by a zebra… Those girls! It was one thing when Applejack and the others assumed it had been a hex, but when even Twilight Sparkle was convinced of it...

    Discord snorted judgmentally. ”Only the Toilet Brush of Dishar-destiny can aid in the control of discordant magic!” he declared haughtily. ”The only ability you would gain from the Toilet Brush of the Public Room of Rest would be the ability to sleep on benches without getting scolded by cops.” Or was it the ability to projectile vomit on one’s enemies on command? So many toilet brushes to keep track of, how could anyone be expected to know what each and every one of them was capable of? The more important question was how to tell them apart, anyway.

    So apparently Kev didn’t have chimeras on his planet, or this one… That was actually probably a blessing, considering what Kev had said about his people and their vulnerability. Chimeras weren’t the friendliest of creatures, and had those ridiculously large and incredibly pointy teeth for a reason. ”It’s basically just a bunch of animals mashed together,” he answered with an inconsequential wave. ”Kinda like me, except it’s a combination between a tiger, a goat, and a snake instead of a dragon, a pony, a bat, a goat, a deer, and the kitchen sink. They appear to be mostly tiger, though.” He felt that counted as a cat. Most ponies just counted them as monsters, though, mostly because of their aforementioned hostility.

    YES, his tantalizing blue feathers had attracted the attention of the mighty predator! Successsss… ”Ha!” He stuck his nose up, his eyes closed and a pleased smile on his face. ”Nothing, not even a little cat, can say Discord isn’t interesting!” His mission had been flawlessly accomplished! So, naturally, he was so caught up in praising himself for winning the cat’s attention once again that he forgot that he was still wriggling his feathers for her…
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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Kev on Mon Aug 17, 2015 11:48 pm

    "Yeah. At the very least, it's a definite conversation starter." The alien's eyes widened some at the finger quotes, but otherwise he didn't comment on it. Hexed sounded about right to him! As for Tally being hexed, she would definitely have mentioned it. It wasn't everyday that you became hexed, though sometimes you'd find yourself being changed in some way...Discord himself had some experience, seeing how he'd been draconequus-napped! "I think people keep closer to the city, nowadays. So unless some of it sprouts up in Central Park, people are probably safe from the Poison Joke." It made him wonder just how long the Poison Joke in the forest had been there...perhaps as long as the first pony to ever come to the Breach.

    Now what was this? The Toilet Brush of the Public Room of Rest wouldn't help him to control discordant magic?! Kev huffed as if offended, both hands planting themselves firmly upon his own hips. His spine straightened and his brows narrowed, staring Discord down. "Now that just isn't fair! The Toilet Brush of the Public Room of Rest is the underdog of toilet brushes! It has so much more to offer than just being able to sleep on benches without being bothered by cops. I bet if someone were to give it a chance, it could let you control all of the discordant magic in the world!" The Toilet Brush of the Public Room of Rest just suffered from living in an awful place. Perhaps if it were given a new home...say, the restroom upstairs?

    Aah, chimeras were similar to Discord himself. "So, do you count as being a kind of chimera?" He asked before attempting to imagine the kind of creature Discord was describing. The muscular, feline body of the tiger, with the stripes to go with it...a lashing tail of scales, like that of a snake. Two curled horns atop its head, perhaps? And a goat beard on the chinny chin chin! Then again, Discord described it as several animals being smashed together like himself...so perhaps the chimeras body wasn't so smooth. At the description of Discord's own body, the alien's eyes seemed to grow wider with several species that was named. Though he blinked at 'kitchen sink'. Can't say he'd ever heard of anyone with some kitchen sink in them... "You cat-wrangler, you."

    The sudden laugh startled Kev, the alien jumping in his seat, but Shally was undeterred. He relaxed after a moment, chuckling to himself. "Her attention is really important to you, huh? You might regret that..." Attention from a cat was great, but it depended on why their attention was on you. Discord would find out in a matter of seconds, as suddenly the cat leapt down and charged towards Discord. A mostly black blur, the cat jumped her way up onto the couch Discord was on, though she could go no further. The wings were up higher on his body after all! So Shally did the next best thing, stretching herself to her full height. One paw settled itself upon his furry body to balance herself, tail acting as a counter balance. The other paw began to bat the air, before a claw managed to snag the very corner of one of his lower feathers. Gotcha!


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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Discord on Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:35 pm

    ((Sorry this took so long, school just started so I was trying to get back into the swing of things. :P In other news, never before have I written anything in which context is so important. Seriously, some sentences in this... xD))

    That was reasonable… Discord supposed that if he hadn’t lived out in the forest and hadn’t become so used to the various dangers of the wild over the past months, he would want to stay close to civilization, too. Of course, civilization had its own dangers, too, when you thought about it. “In that case, I suppose there’s nothing to worry about.” Unless he dropped some off at the flower shop, of course, but who knows if and when that would happen? It’s a mystery.

    The draconequus laughed aloud mockingly at Kev’s defense. The next moment, he was deadly serious; if their conversation had been more serious, his yellow eyes might have been boring into Kev’s hide. “There’s a reason the Toilet Brush of the Public Room of Rest is considered the underdog of all toilet brushes, but that, my scaly young grasshopper, is not it,” he said. He shook his head as he added, “No no, the Toilet Brush of the Public Room of Rest grants the wielder a very different fate.” The TBPRR for discordant magic… Ha! He was no common toilet brush! That would be ridiculous.

    Discord shrugged with a sort of grimace that somepony would typically don while trying to keep something simple by omitting “extremely important” details. “Ehh, I suppose you could say that.” He could only blame ponies for their narrow definitions of the magical creatures in their realm. They really enjoyed their rocks… Especially the ponies of the modern world; nopony was willing to venture away from home sweet stone to investigate the magical creatures of the world anymore. He supposed that was good for their continued existence, but still! Anyway… “Yep! Tha’s me,” he said, a light-colored cowboy hat appearing on his head for just long enough for him to tip it before vanishing with the same small flash it had appeared with. Cat-wrangler indeed. And a wrangler of various other forest creatures, too.

    Haha! “Wait, what?” Why would he regret-- OH CELESTIA! As the little blur flew at him, he pressed himself as far back on his seat as he could, his wing still extended and an alarmed expression on his face. There was suddenly a little furry thing on the couch with him, and then it stretched up and began batting at his feathers. “Gah!” The yelp sounded more humorous than genuinely terrified. Even so, he actually was afraid to move too much lest the cat’s claws come into action to keep it from falling. Instead, he stretched his wing away from that swiping paw as well as he could. It wasn’t enough; the paw found its target, those little claws catching hold of one of his feathers. A red exclamation mark burst over Discord’s head with a little 8-bit noise of alarm, and he flapped the further half of his wing frantically in an attempt to dislodge the paw. He wouldn’t be surprised if he lost a feather or two in the process, but it would beat being a chew toy by a mile!
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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Kev on Tue Sep 01, 2015 12:45 pm

    ((It's no problem, school can really shake up one's schedule! Just glad to have ya back~ And welcome to Portal Breach, the website where context is important! And if you don't believe that, about half of the quotes in the funny quote thread are taken out of context %D ))

    The alien reached forward to scoop his porcelain up, pinching the handle between his fingers and letting the pinky raise straight up in the air like a raised flag. He held the cup close to his face, pretending to sip it before nodding in agreement with Discord. "Mmm, indubitably. Quite right, old bean, quite right. Nothing to worry about at all, yeeees." In his agreement, Kev had suddenly taken on a vaguely British, snobby accent. Indeed, those commoners in the City had nothing to worry about from Poison Joke! Those rapscallions and their fear of the wilderness! At least it kept them safe from the Poison Joke...and apparently Discord's silliness was as contagious as those flowers were.

    Speaking of, the draconcequus' mood seemed to switch on a dime. One moment he was laughing boisterously, as if Kev had told a hi-larious joke, and now he had become serious, eyes boring into Kev's as he continued to doubt the almighty underdog power of the TBPRR.! Or...perhaps Kev had gotten the brush all wrong? The cup was placed down again, and Kev rubbed at the bottom of his own chin lightly, thinking it over. Whatever could the Almighty Chaos Master be talking about? "What...what kind of fate? Is it a bad one?" Did the TBPRR merely trick people with its seemingly common appearance, causing them to let their guard down and become...killed?

    As for being a chimera, Discord's answer was a bit more...flippant then expected. Though he certainly didn't deny it, he didn't seem particularly pleased about elaborating. Almost as if he was embarrassed? Or perhaps the word was merely wrong, even though Discord was chimera-ish. Just because something looks like a duck doesn't always mean it's a duck... "Hmm..." You were an interesting one, Mr. Kitchen Sink. Very interesting...especially with such hat tricks! The scaly alien chuckled at the hat's appearance, becoming gradually used to Discord's penchant for creating things out of thin air.

    Ah Discord...you must not have very much experience with cats. Kev leaned forward, about ready to explain, but of course that was when Shally dove in for the attack! Kev jumped up from his seat, nearly stumbling out of it, and stared across the table at his guest and cat. Discord had definitely been startled, even letting out a small yell, but he didn't seem hurt. That was the important part, right? The blue wing moved, stretching to get out of reach of Shally but the cat's claws managed to snag him! The appearance of an exclamation mark and odd little sound of an alarm seemed to kick Kev into action, the alien shuffling around the table and grabbing Shally beneath her 'armpits'. She growled in response, paws curling in towards herself and ears flattening against her skull. The tip of her tail wagged irritably against Kev's torso as he tried to move her around, attempting to unlock her claws from Discord's feather as the draconequus flapped the top half of his wing. "No, Shally...! Bad cat!" MMMRRRROOOOOW... The cat seemed to buzz with the unpleasant noise, and her paws gave another yank, successfully pulling the feather she had snagged out of Discord's wing. With her now free from Discord, Kev pulled her back and set her on the wooden floor. "Shally, no. Just because he has wings doesn't mean Discord's a giant bird." But no amount of finger wagging seemed to be doing the trick. The cat merely gave the two of them a glare, folded up on the ground like a loaf with her prize pulled close to her chest. The cat leaned her face down to lightly sniff the feather...and then began to bite at it.

    Kev sighed, then turned back to his guest. "Sorry about that...she didn't hurt your wing, did she?" He stepped closer to inspect it, stealing a glance at the other, batlike wing as he did.


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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Discord on Sat Sep 05, 2015 10:50 pm

    ((Ah yes, one of my favorite threads... xD It cracks me up!))

    Oh-ho-ho! The tables have turned, have they not? Discord’s lips pursed and his eyebrows shot up in astonished amusement as Kev was suddenly quite British. “Good show, jolly good show!” he praised, calmly applauding the act. Perfectly random! Nines and tens all around, given the circumstances. Even he hadn’t expected that. If he kept up that kind of work, Kev may eventually get to the point where he wouldn’t even need the unfathomable powers of the Toilet Brush of Dishar-destiny. (Of course he would need massive amounts of work, but he could get there.)

    As for the question of the fate of the wielder of the Toilet Brush of the Public Room of Rest… The only response Kev received from the mischievous spirit of chaos was a small, rather ominous laugh of sorts. It wasn’t quite evil, but then again… The suspense of waiting. Kev would just have to find and harness the powers of a magic toilet brush himself to find the answers to that question. Sadly, those were in…rather short supply, so it’d be best not to put off that epic quest for too long if one wanted to finish before they died of old age.

    No, he couldn’t say he was very good with cats. Or animals in general. He didn’t have butterflies on his rear end for a reason, as he was now demonstrating for Kev. His frantic flapping did basically nothing to dislodge the cat. At least Kev was having just as much difficulty as he was… His ego didn’t have to be nearly as bruised as it could’ve been as a result. With enough panicking on all three ends, they finally managed to detach the cat from his wing, along with one of his feathers. He couldn’t help the small “ye-ow!” that came out at the slight pinch. Having a feather plucked was never fun, but it sure beat having the cat trying to chew at it while it was still attached to him.

    As soon as Kev had Shally away from him, Discord jumped up to perch on the back of the couch, his back arched and eyes narrowed in indignation like a similarly ticked off cat. He glared at Shally as she chewed at her prize, his bottom lip protruding into a melodramatic pout. What, no glass display case? He could autograph that or something. Anything. Simply offensive, it was almost as if he were being mocked. He’d just come out here to have a good time…

    “I suppose I’ll live, somehow…” he groaned with an extremely heavy, deflated sigh. He then proceeded to practically melt back down headfirst onto the seat of the couch, ending up sprawled out on his back with his head nearly touching the ground and his tail still draped over the back of the couch. He had his “mortally wounded” wing sticking out so that it wouldn’t touch anything, but it was obviously uninjured. There was hardly even a gap where it was missing a feather. He continued to glare at Shally upside down as soon as he had stopped sliding, but it probably wouldn’t have much effect on the distracted feline… She got what she came for, and his face’s only point of interest was that beard (which had teeth guarding it).

    He looked back up at Kev. “See? I’m a cat magnet,” he said. “Usually not that kind, but what can you do?” He made no move to sit back up on the couch. “’Tis both a blessing and a curse,” he sighed wistfully. Yes, it was such a heavy burden for him to be so attractive to all sorts...
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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Kev on Thu Sep 10, 2015 5:15 pm

    ((I'm glad! I enjoy this thread too~ Also, sorry for the late-ish reply this time!))

    Ha ha! See, Discord? You weren't the only one that could be spontaneous at times! Though Kev's impression didn't really warrant the applause, Kev bowed his head and swept his arm out in a dramatic gesture all the same. "Thank you!" The magnificent things Discord could do were a bit more impressive than taking on an accent, really. If he had the same powers as Discord, he'd probably summon up a monocle to go with the impression. Alas, what he had to give was good enough to catch Discord off guard and make him clap! That was still an achievement, right? If not, the alien would certainly take it as such. The cup was set down once again, porcelain making a soft click on the wooden table before he straightened himself up to listen intently.

    The fate of the wielder of the TBPRR was very important to know, if Kev wanted to truly find it and wield it for the greater good! It could mean the difference between living happily...or dying in an agonizing death! The alien was on the edge of his seat, waiting for Discord's answer! Wide eyes stared at the draconequus, particularly his gray muzzle. What was the answer? What was it?! The response...? An ominous chuckle! An...actually very ominous chuckle that nearly sent a shiver down the alien's spine. No elaborations, no explanations...just a diabolical chuckle. "Gasp!" He gasped, both hands covering the bottom half of his face in fear. Truly, such a fate that was unspoken had to be awful. Of course, since this was all just a joke, that meant there was no true unimaginable fate of the wielder of the TBPRR. There probably wasn't even a TBPRR! As far as Kev knew, anyways...he was content to pretend to be horrified by the imaginary implications, finding it all to be in good fun.

    Not as much good fun was trying to get Shally off of poor Discord. The noise of pain was enough to make the alien flinch, thankfully for all involved, he didn't flinch when the cat was still on Discord. "Ouch..." Never having had wings himself, he could only imagine how much having that feather plucked out had to hurt. Kev had to blink and stare once Discord was freed though, as the draconequus had jumped onto the back of the couch and perched on it with his noodly back raised high into the air. He looked very much like a cat himself, doing that! Was Discord gonna start batting that lion paw now, hissing and spitting like a real cat...? Alas, perching on the couch was the only cat-like thing Discord did. Shally was a content loaf, teeth gnashing down on the delicate feather. The straight shaft became zig-zagged and the barbs, which had been evenly fanned out, were now clumped and drippy with saliva. Kev made a small noise of disgust at the sight before looking back to his guest.

    "Good, I'd hate for your feathers to wind up being some sort of 'weak spot' for you." In a rather fluid sort of movement, the draconequus slithered down from the back of the couch to reclaim his spot on the cushions, though now his head and tail both draped across. His head was dangling over the arm of the couch while his tail was flopped on the back of it where he had been crouched before. The pose reminded Kev of just how...long and skinny Discord really was. He was like a mostly furry snake with limbs! One wing stuck out like a flag, though it didn't look any different to the alien as he crouched to get a better look at it. Seems somebody was trying to get an award for their acting. "Oh yes, now that I've been witness to it, I have to agree wholeheartedly." Look at him, flopped all over the place...frankly, Kev was surprised he hadn't fallen off the couch yet. "Would more tea help your aching wing and heart?" He lifted the teapot and jostled it gently, liquid sloshing within. A bit of tea to soothe his woe!


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    Re: Breakeven

    Post by Discord on Sat Sep 12, 2015 10:26 pm

    ((:D It's all good!))

    At Kev’s melodramatic “gasp,” Discord’s spooky snickering turned into actual chuckling, the ominous tone dropping entirely after a moment. He trailed off with a slight sigh. Ah, toilet brush powers… He should start a scrapbook. Maybe he could keep a journal or something like the girls had once upon a time? Nah, too much work. He was content to just live in the moment. “A horrible fate indeed.” Surely some wise philosopher had pointed out that “there is no worse fate than wasted time” or something along those lines at some point? If so, then that would probably be a relevant quote to reference in this case.

    At least nobody could say he wasn’t entertaining, cat magnet or not. He snorted and stuck a snakey tongue out at Shally at the sight of how she was thoroughly demolishing her once-beautiful prize. He supposed he was rather fortunate that he had only had a feather plucked… That could’ve ended much worse. “Oh no, my feathers are not my weakness.” His pride and vanity, on the other hoof… At least he still had that. And his hide was in one piece; that definitely contributed positively to his wellbeing. He’d choose slightly plucked over shredded any day.

    He peered around the edge of the couch without lifting his head as Kev sloshed the remainder of the tea around in its pot, fixing Kev with a pair of teary saucers. He was obviously completely heartbroken by the most recent turn of events. “No, but it’s a start,” he managed, his voice catching as he overdramatically “struggled not to cry.” He slowly pulled himself back up until he was once again properly lounging on the couch, his limbs floppy and movements slow. The “somepony needs to get up for school at five a.m.” kind of slow. It was all very dramatic.

    He glanced at the cat on the floor once again as he leaned forward and retrieved his cup from the table. “I wonder if anything will ever be able to fill the void that Shally has chewed into my heart…” he half-sighed, half-grumbled. “I suppose it’ll have to be iced tea, though… Unless you were planning to reheat it. Whichever you prefer, of course.” It’d been so long since they’d actually touched their drinks that he was certain that water would be lukewarm at the very least, if not ice cold. Kind of like Shally; that cat would leave a trail of broken hearts in her wake, no doubt about it. She already had at least one in her collection. Not that his was one, of course; he didn’t fall for the kind of kitten that stole and brutally maimed his gorgeous feathers. He was much too vain for that sort of thing.

    “So perhaps I’m not quite so good with normal cats,” he admitted reluctantly. “Or rather, I’m a little too good with them… The ones that can talk are definitely easier to deal with.” Who knew that speaking the same language would lead to easier communication? That was probably why Fluttershy managed to be so good with all of them… He shook his head slightly; it was as if he were shaking the thought away, but to Kev it may just seem as if he were simply reminiscing about talking cats.

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