Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    Fear and Order

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    Kev
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    Posts : 2426
    Join date : 2010-04-06
    Age : 58
    Location : Lovers' meadow/225 Broadband Boulevard
    Level : 60

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    Fear and Order

    Post by Kev on Tue May 06, 2014 4:26 pm

    Time: 8:19 AM
    Date: May 6, 0004

    The walk home wasn't as peaceful as it usually was. He didn't admire the flowers he came across, the sun as it rose in the sky on this early morning, or the fresh feeling of the sunlight being absorbed into his skin. He didn't feel calm and at ease. He continuously glanced behind himself, even though Judge Fear said he wouldn't follow him home. He tried to keep an eye out for the Judge, find him following behind and run away as fast as he could, but it was perhaps worse that he didn't see the Judge yet. Because the Judge still haunted him in different ways.

    When the Kryptonistanian spotted his cottage in the distance, with a newly build barn where the livestock were fast asleep, he quickened his pace until he was running almost as if he were being chased. He stomped up the stairs of the porch, threw open the front door, and nearly flung himself inside, leaning his back against the door and panting heavily. He felt a little safer, now. He walked into the little hallway, into the living room, and was greeted by some hungry dogs. He walked into the kitchen to begin feeding them, and found Marvin was already in the process of doing so, though he lifted his head to look at Kev with his wide optics.

    "Are you okay? You were gone all night..." The alien's sudden appearance into the cottage, as if death itself was going to claim him if he didn't manage to get inside in time, had not gone unnoticed. And neither had Kev's right eye, which was oddly blood shot with angry, green blood vessels.

    "Yeah yeah yeah, I'm...I'm okay I just had a long night. Did a lot of...of talking and lost track of the time." It wasn't a lie; there had been a lot of talking and he had honestly lost track of the time. "I'm sorry for staying out so late...I really didn't mean to." Kev came to the robot's side and hugged him tightly, nuzzling into the cold, metal skin of the robot. "I need to sleep now though..."

    "I understand. You must be tired." Marvin wrapped his arms around the alien loosely, hands holding doggy bowls full of food. "Sleep well, Kev." The alien pulled away and trudged his way up the stairs. He didn't even bother with changing, he merely flopped into his bed as he was and relaxed, eyes staring up at the ceiling. Though the quiet really didn't make him feel relaxed.

    Judge Fear wrote:Sssee what I have ssseeen!

    The night had already been going pretty badly when he had 'lost his eye' and became infected with ugly cyclops cancer. Death and Judge Fear tried to convince him to let himself be killed so he could refresh himself and gain back his eye, and it was a tempting offer. Death had left, the subject had changed...and it changed to Jak. That was about where it started to go in a direction that made Kev uneasy. Even now, he could see; he was on the mountain side, watching as Judge Fear, his brother, and a few other figures he couldn't quite make out, all went after Jak. Remembering the cold air on the mountains made Kev retreat underneath his blankets, and the smell of death and decay made him shove his face into his pillow. But the thing he most couldn't ignore were the feelings. Fear, so much fear, fear for someone he loved. Though, he didn't love Jak at all, so he knew that had to be Nyreena. Anger, so much anger that could really be anyone's, but he had a feeling it was Jak. He didn't see how Nyreena died, if she did die, and Daxter had died, he knew, but he didn't really know how or what had killed him. Jak's death was loud and clear, though. Judge Mortis had touched him and the man had decayed in a manner not that unlike how Kev had first died. He decayed, and the smell of it...it was terrible.

    Spoiler:
    Thisss isss what you wanted, isss it not? The purging of a fool mossst arrogant. Rejoice, Kev. Rejoice, for what you have asssked hasss been granted.
    Its too much! You don't have to show me this! Please!
    Asss you wisssh. Are you not sssatissfied? The very sssource of your hatred hasss been made to atone for hisss crimesss. How ssstrange that you expressss reluctance to enjoy hisss death in full.
    It just hurts...its awful. His feelings, her feelings...so much death. I don't like death.
    Awful, and yet you desssired it. You wissshed death upon them. By all meansss, you ssshould not be allowed to expressss regret.

    He wanted to stop thinking about it...to just close his eyes and sleep. He really wanted to sleep, but the past few hours were strange, and made his insides twist and squirm. It wasn't too long after he had been shown Jak's death that the conversation took a turn that made him even more conflicted and scared. Power. They talked of power, power to make people pay and enact revenge. Power to kill those who deserved to die. Power to kill someone like Ridley. The discussion made him feel vulnerable and afraid, not least of all because Judge Fear knew. He looked inside Kev's mind and he knew.

    Spoiler:
    Do you not sssee the order death hasss broughtt?
    I do.  I see it, and I'm glad I don't have to worry about what he's done lately. But I killed him myself once and I couldn't take any joy in it. And seeing it just now with you...I-I'm not a killer, Judge Fear. I can't do it.
    You, yourssself, are grateful that Mar isss dead. But you are a killer, Kev. You sssimply lack the willpower to do what isss right. Nothing will change in thisss world if the sssinful are left unchecked.
    I've tried...I've tried that. I died instead.
    Try again.You think I ssstopped after my original body had been dessstroyed? No. I continued, and my determination wasss rewarded. Law wasss brought to our world, the ssinful eradicated! Failure hasss no meaning to me, and I do not intend to let thisss vexing realm deny my professsssion's calling. You too, Kev, could bring about order amidssst the chaosss.  I have peered into your mind, your heart, your sssoul... You desssire revenge, although you are afraid of unleassshing thisss raw ssstrength.
    I'm afraid of a lot of things...Fear, I don't think this is my calling. I'm not strong enough to kill people. I can barely watch you do it!
    That isss not what you told yourssself during Phazon. You can bring about jussstice to the lawlessss. I have ssseen it.
    That's different...I was insane! Mutated with that junk!
    Were you? Were you truly? Thossse thoughtsss... they originated from within. Deep within.

    That was when he felt well and truly exposed before the Judge. He'd looked inside of Kev and seen what had happened during the Phazon incident. And...he was right. Megamind's mistake during the Phazon was that he assumed that when Kev had been infected and half dead, yelling at him about how he felt, how he felt used by him, that he was merely talking because of the Phazon. That Kev, the real Kev, was content. The truth of the matter was that he had become increasingly aware of how the alien seemed to just fall into trouble, how he always needed someone to help him. The kind of help that wasn't reciprocated. The Kev that yelled at him and accused him was calling out for help. He cared about Megamind, and didn't want to think he was just being used. Megamind was his brother. But the words Kev had said seemed not to be absorbed by the alien. He didn't comprehend what Kev was telling him. He didn't care.

    Kev abruptly crawled out of bed and paced around the room in a small circle instead, hoping that maybe walking would make his thoughts go away and let him sleep in peace, but it didn't help. Because the fact that the Judge had seen, and known, that the thoughts during the Phazon were deep within just confirmed a worry he'd had ever since then; that deep within, he was a monster. All it took was Phazon...or a bit of distilled evil. Or even a song from a Siren. Those things were all it took for dark thoughts and intents to rise to the surface. For him to hurt his own friends. For him to kill people he didn't want to kill. For him to take revenge. One of the first things he had done, after all, was fight with Gaara. Even though he had been losing, he knew the Phazon was why he even had a chance in the first place. There were times in fights now where he would glance down at his fingertips and wish he still had those awful talons. Where he'd look at his limp little arms and wish they were muscular again. The blue from the Phazon had even looked rather nice with his eyes. Those moments usually lasted only a few seconds and he always felt terrible for it...but they kept happening.

    The Phazon had given him power and strength, it gave him something he didn't exactly have. But, he always had strength...he didn't need the Phazon to kill Jak. To beat up Vegeta. To kill Nyreena, when those Sirens had gotten to him. To help kill that beast or beat up Hazama and his goons, he didn't need Phazon to do that. He didn't even need Phazon to have a chance when he fought Ridley. He'd had power all along. He just needed to know how to use it. How to not hold himself back so much.

    As soon as the thought hit him, he seemed to crumple in on himself. He leaned against the wall and took several deep breathes. No, no, he had to hold himself back. That was what power was really all about. Because with power, on one hand he could make those who had hurt him pay. He could make them feel how he had felt. Yet on the other hand, he could hurt his friends. He had people who depended on him. He couldn't just run around killing whoever he thought had hurt him. And what if someone tried to stop him? Would he kill them too? Zurg had had great power, he'd been there and known it for himself. Zurg had done whatever he pleased. But he could also see it; regret. Regret was written all over Zurg's face like a tattoo or a scar. He had done whatever he pleased, and he felt bad about it. He'd done things he hadn't wanted to do. Things he looked back on and felt terrible, for. That was something Zurg didn't want for Kev, and that was why he'd hold him back, calm him down.

    And yet, in holding himself back...Kev became something of a target. In the pecking order of Portal Breach, he was pretty low. He was picked on, rather easily. Daemeon, for example, had become a lot more handsy recently. Nothing Kev seemed to do would make him stop. Ignoring him taught him nothing. Trying to hurt him only excited him. And Kev honestly didn't want his friends to fight his battles. It wasn't a pride issue, or even one that dealt with power. In fact, it went right back to Megamind. Ever since he had noticed, felt used by the alien, he was scared of using people. He was scared that by relying on others to help him, he was going to become like Megamind. That a friend who happened to hate the same guy as him and wanted to kill him for his own agenda was going to become an attack dog. That a friend who wanted to make him feel better was going to become what he and Megamind had devolved into. Even though he asked for help sometimes, most of the time he really wanted to do it himself. Do things on his own so that his friends wouldn't have to do anything. But...he couldn't. In the end, he would always have to ask his friends for help, or tell them something someone else was doing that made him feel bad, and they would help or stick up for him. And he appreciated it every time, even though in the back of his mind, he wondered...am I using them?

    All he wanted was happiness; he wanted to be happy, he wanted his friends to be happy. He wanted everyone to be happy, and safe. He looked at the world and saw the things that had happened in the past, and wanted to stop them from ever happening again. He saw history when it began to repeat itself, and he tried, so hard, to get it to stop. To push people on the right path. To talk sense into people. Even though he shouldn't care, he could see history in front of him and he wanted to stop it in its tracks, because he knew where history was going to go. When he looked at Jak, he saw Valerie, Delila, and Carrie. He saw Metal Man, and Hot Shot. When he looked at Nyreena, he saw Sam, Dani, Vlad, and Deadsilver. He wasn't sure if anyone else could see it, but he could and he always tried to intervene, and for what? Nothing but heartache and anger. He looked at Ridley, and could see the Phazon all over the city; the look on Aya's face when Phazon or Kev's death during it were ever mentioned. The looks on his friends faces when they had seen him on Phazon. The dying, Phazon covered form of Mary. He could see it all with one look at that dragon and he wanted to stop it from ever happening again.

    Spoiler:
    You know asss I do, Kev, that allowing the dragon to live will only tempt hissstory yet again. He will bring forth additional sssuffering upon thisss world and your loved onesss.
    It can't be me, Fear. Even if I did prepare, he's too strong. And it'll be a miracle that I kill him once, let alone however many it takes to end him!
    Correction: you cannot becaussse you ssstill cling to your mortal ssshell. No living creature isss too ssstrong asss to resssissst death.
    ...
    By sssacrificing my mortality and what made me like you, I transsscended into the realm of undeath. I, Kev, no longer fear both worldsss. And I, Kev, have the fullessst authority to punisssh the wicked. They cannot kill what doesss not live.
    That's you, though. That's the laws of your world. You are different. I can't do that. I can't become undead.
    You can purge Ridley and thossse like him, but you cannot do ssso while chained to sssin.
    Unless...Aya bit me or something...
    The lawsss of my world were harsssh. However, the processss of undeath isss not ssso unobtainable asss you may think.
    ...What do you mean?
    It isss interesssting, that word - can't. You sssay can't asss if thisss world limitsss you.  Sssimple, Kev. There isss a way, a method, to turn the living.
    Maybe its better if I don't learn this...
    To not learn isss to accept your fate; that you will allow yourssself, and continue to allow yourssself, to be bullied. You can no sssooner protect yourssself asss you can thossse you care for.

    He didn't want Ridley to hurt more people. Even though he had no Phazon, the dragon still had the urge to make people suffer. And what would he turn to instead? Something even worse than the Phazon? Something that was going to end them all? Destroy everything? He had hoped that someone stronger would come along and decide to kill him, that had happened in the past, after all. When it came to villains, it was a dog eat dog world and someone surely wanted to eat Ridley. But no one else, to his knowledge at least, had tried. Hazama was the same, Hazama was still around and he had no good things planned. He should be dead, dead before he hurts people with that chain, and yet he felt so powerless to do anything against him. At least Judge Fear wanted to kill everyone for reasons he saw as right, not because he liked to hurt people. He was also polite enough to wait for Kev's own 'okay' to kill him. Remembering the 'calling card', Kev took the cigarette out of his pocket and fiddled with it. Judge Fear was the lesser of two evils. Judge Fear wanted to help. Kev opened a drawer and shoved the cigarette in hastily.

    He wouldn't agree until he heard Fear's own conditions. What he wanted out of this, because even though he was the lesser of two evils, Kev could not ignore that he was a evil. He might want something really bad, and he'd want to know first before he agreed to this. But...he couldn't help but want it. Fear knew things others didn't. Fear wanted to help. Fear could help. And maybe...maybe Kev ought to let him. Not enough to become a monster, and he would NOT hurt his friends. But...he had to do something. No one else would. And he had to stand on his own two feet. He couldn't rely on his friends forever. He had to do something and maybe...maybe this was it. Even though Kev had finally found some peace of mind, he didn't feel much like sleeping. He walked out of his bedroom door and nearly crashed into Marvin, who was walking up them. "Kev?"

    "You know, Marvin, I don't think I'm tired after all! I'm gonna go ahead and get an early start at work, okay? Hold down the fort here, you know what to do!" He gave the robot's head a brief pat before maneuvering around him and continuing down the stairs. The robot plodded behind him, stubbornly.

    "But Kev--you haven't slept all night. You need sleep." Marvin urged, pulling lightly on Kev's cape.

    "Its not the first time I've gone to work on little sleep, its fine! Don't worry. I'll be fine. If it makes you feel better, I can even nap up in the break room. Okay?" He stroked the robot's dome while trying to yank the cloth out of the robot's fingers. "Please. I'm not tired. In fact, I'm so full of energy that I have to go and be productive at my job!"

    Reluctantly, the robot let go but not without wrapping his strong arms around the alien and holding him close. "Okay..." His optics again went to the bloodshot, irritated eyeball in Kev's face. "But don't be late tonight...please?" The alien leaned into the robot's embrace and sighed a bit.

    "I'll be back by ten at the latest...promise." He needed to get to the City Noise and occupy his time with music, cds, customers. If he thought about what happened anymore, he was going to go crazy. And he shuddered to think of what he might dream about when he went to sleep. The alien patted the robot, gave the dogs a few good pats and was out of the door in an instant. As soon as he left the cottage, he could feel that worry in his skull, that Judge Fear was stalking him or following him again. He quickened his pace and tried to think of all the shortcuts to the city he knew. Marvin watched him go, and couldn't help but feel worried.


    _________________
    "I'm Kev, and I speak through the power of telepathy. It is represented by italics and the color code #33CC66."

      Current date/time is Mon Aug 21, 2017 1:54 pm