Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    A Taste of Liberation

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    Aradia Megido
    Inactive Account

    Inactive Account

    Posts : 254
    Join date : 2013-06-23
    Age : 17
    Location : The Hive, Sixth Floor
    Level : 32

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    Health Bar:
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    A Taste of Liberation

    Post by Aradia Megido on Mon Jan 20, 2014 3:56 am

    Time: 4:20 AM (Blaze it)
    Date: January 20th, 2014




    It felt so good but so bad to cut herself off from a world that could hurt her. It was funny how some distance from the rest of the world could be so gratifying, enlightening, electrifying, and it minimized the rest of the world. It made you on top of it and you could feel solace as if it were soothing warm milk with a drizzle of honey stirred in gently. There was no feeling better in the world than that, and Aradia Megido, least of all, could deny that. If she was a fool, she didn't feel like one. And it didn't matter to her if she was, because once this was all over, she'd be herself, and not a fool. Fools were people who tried to be someone they weren't and people who broke their promises and drew others in their messes. They made what felt to be a true kinship and connection into a farce that was all but naught because in reality, it was smoke mirrors. Everything was smoke and mirrors when it came to Jak Mar.

    But she couldn't blame him for how she felt, no matter how much she could try and try and try. She could blame him for not listening though. She could tell him honestly how she felt, and she did. Although he was upset, it freed her greatly. Talking with her friends freed her from being afraid that her camaraderie with a whole range of people would be gone. It never was a duty to be his friend in the first place. Her original promises to help him were fulfilled and though she could not solve his problems, it was enough. Trying to interfere, to kill the threats was wrong. He was the only threat he had. She was lenient; she had chided; she had loved (but in a platonic way). Now, she had had enough. Their relationship was like a spider and its web. The spider looked a pretty blue but the web made its prey get stuck. Good thing that the spider was fairly weak. It did not eat its prey but the relationship it had to the snakes of this world was abominable, and it just kept on coming back for more.

    But Jak himself wasn't poisonous. Though he was human and six years older, he had confessed his love for her only after a few days since he had first died. It was ridiculous and confusing. He was funny, noble to an extreme, not bad looking, and confident, but sometimes he was too much of most of them. He was interested in adventures and racing but not in the way she was. They weren't all alike, so what was the necromancy keeping this relationship alive? Well, to be honest, the two kept on telling each other they cared about each other. But caring for each other eventually became a chore and she couldn't take it anymore. Their relationship was transparent and dead like cobweb but nonetheless sticky. When he was doing stupid things, she tried strangling him at first. That bred contempt from his dark eco infested self, and to be honest, no one wanted that in their face as grotesque and incomprehensible Dark Jak's appearance was. And then she saw Light Jak, who tried to act nice, and ended up being a total creep by kissing her.

    Maybe Eridan was right; the curly horned troll could be a loli but she didn't want to be that way, unless if they both did their ends of the bargain. While she did not believe Jak Mar was a terrible person, he was hopelessly thickheaded, and she, to be honest, didn't lie to herself at all about it. In the end, she just tried to do things with twice the effort and half the results, and she gave up, leaving the human to himself. It was for the greater good, she thought, and maybe she was crippling him by trying to help him. And she crippled herself too. Intentionally, because she thought he'd do something if he quote-on-quote cared, but he didn't. And he didn't listen to her about Hazama. Exhibits A and B on why he couldn't have possibly cared about her nor did he trust her, and it was about time she got away from him. When Aradia did manage to liberate herself from this gray zone, the vicious blame game still remained.

    That was to be expected, but there was glory in silence, happiness in your own company. She pranced and danced and leaped and pirouetted enough that it was almost guaranteed she'd piss off Eridan Ampora and Laharl. Flonne, not so much, but she was always a possibility. To soften the impact, she layered up on rugs and a metal barrier between her and the door. That wasn't the child of some kind of paranoia, but to lock herself up like this gave her plenty of time to think and it made herself safe from all but herself. However, the Aries troll was confident that she herself was in fact exactly what she needed. There was no need to be stigmatized because she was Jak's friend and there was no need to be afraid of resenting him because some of her friends didn't. That man couldn't take care of himself and he couldn't take care of his friends. Dude, love and cherishment, even platonic, was a once in a lifetime opportunity. It wasn't the gallops of pity she had generously gave him before because there was nothing left of a friendship but its marrow-dry skeleton.

    Now, he had no pity to be gained, not even from Daxter. It was all from himself. Everything he had seemed to be from himself. He took everyone's advice but not once heeded it, except when he trusted bad guys. He made contracts and got himself into situations he couldn't be. Jak Mar wasn't a villain, per se, but there just was more he could do to take care of himself, because somehow someway, he could get people to care about him. All he was doing now was alienating himself from others. Aradia never ever hated him, but she did despise how much of a fool he could act like, no, be. It was no excuse to not do anything about him, but nothing, not even death, seems to work on a man like him. He, of all people, needs to see the consequences of his actions, and if his friendship with her was real, really real, he'd try to fix it. But if he tried to fix it because he was looking for her pity, that would never work. Nothing like that ever was going to.

    But now, all the smoke and mirrors were gone, and she was free at last, free at last. From the smokes and mirrors she had given herself and the absence of a solid presence (like Jak seemed physically there but he wasn't really there was a friend), she had a taste of liberation, and forever, she'd take away the pain and the confusion and the self-blaming and self-pity she gave herself, and smash the mirrors, wave away the smoke, vanquish despair, or else. Even if it starts with working or jumping up with glee until she and the entire room was disheveled.

    One taste of liberation was all it took for her to be happy again.

    One taste of liberation was all it took for a cycle of terror of her consequences to start all over again, but still--

    One taste of liberation was all it took for her to gather up wisdom and courage, instead of blind rage, to face those consequences.

    One taste of liberation, in fact, was all it took for her to destroy those smoke and mirrors.

      Current date/time is Fri Sep 22, 2017 1:08 pm