Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

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    Prixlezub
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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Prixlezub on Wed Jul 31, 2013 8:24 pm

    The demon glanced to Lawrence and Jo respectively as he heard them agree with his words. The robot would have just kept the money, and Jo would have demanded an apology and kept the money as well. Ah, to slight the demon prince in such a manner if possible, an apology and keeping his earnings would not be all that the demon would have looked for.

    The demon's expression turned from stoic to flatter than a board as Kev continued on. So, he presumed that Swindle was too embarrassed to not accept the money or correct the mislead alien? Not only did that seem dubious, but cowardly as well in ways that were hardly honorable. He shook his head, looking towards the green alien who was now being closely cuddled to Zurg's... Bosom, apparently. "Embarrassment is hardly an excuse for such behavior." He rumbled disagreeably, smoke curling from his grill. "In fact, it seems like something that would warrant some payback for such a slight." He added thoughtfully. Perhaps some humiliation on an equal or even greater scale...

    Prixlezub had to agree with Jo.He could not see her dancing around on some pole either, especially not while being with an alien like Zurg. However, the demon prince noted that it seemed Kev had learned his lesson regardless. It was regrettable that the alien's choice in story had seemed more pitiful than humorous like Jo's story, or intriguing like Lawrence's own story regarding the fongloids. As for who was next to tell a story...

    "I believe that would be Zurg, since he agreed to go before me." The prince replied, nodding towards the monarch. That was quite a grip he had on Kev though... If anything the alien may either have the best seat for hearing, or he would be unable to hear through Zurg's thick arms.
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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Zurg on Thu Aug 01, 2013 8:00 am

    A hernia... You mean a brain hemorrhage, maybe. Zurg didn't see any reason to go flying off into the cosmic black hole, instead leveling his temper at a steady plateau. "If I'm not home, you could run around naked for all I care. Just... make sure to clean up after yourself." The mental image of Jo stripping down entirely and swinging from the light fixtures was a horrifying thought. And while he did occasionally become incensed at her manners, they would never sully his love for her - Jo's quirks simply came with the package, after all! If he was allowed to roll in her laundry with the cats, then she was allowed to run around fun and fancy free.

    Kev wrote:"But aren't you curious, Zurg?"
    See the look Zurg was giving you, Kev? It said, and he quotes, "Kev, I really don't want to know about Jo's fantasies, alright? If you want to know about them then you can ask her when I'm not around." You are pricking his comfort bubble, stop pricking it! And how in the blazes was Kev supposed to be cuddly!? You know what, let's find out. Zurg reached over and rubbed the palm of his bare hand over Kev's chest, assessing for himself. Touchy-feely times, initiate!

    "Hmm, I don't know..." said the monarch, sounding rather official. "You're a wee bit on the scaly side, Kev. Not sure if sandpaper in texture or..." Zurg felt again for good measure, not finding this strange at all.

    No xeno-homo, bebe.

    And his precious Kev-child! The monarch pulled his scaly baby even closer, practically squeezing Kev in his strong, manly arms. "You aren't ready for the world for another... oh, generation. Now, let me love you~!" And love, Kev will come to find, came in the form of Zurg rocking his friend back and forth like a poop-secreting infant. Oh, and one can not forget about the rumbles, too. Resonating rumbles, mind you. It was like Kev had been trapped by a purple, blubbery washing machine that showered him in nothing but warmth and softness. At this rate Zurg was going to soothe himself to sleep...

    But, as fortune had it, the monarch eventually laid onto his back and resumed keeping his deathly-strong grip on Kev. The rumbles slightly lessened; they were nowhere close to ceasing, however. Rrrrr... Rrrrr... Rrrrr... What was that about being a cuddler, hmm?

    Better Give Shrimp wrote:"I believe that would be Zurg, since he agreed to go before me."
    Oh poo... His turn already? With a lazy stretch, Zurg's body shivered like a cat's disturbed from a deep and relaxing slumber. Well, if they insist... He had no intentions of letting his cuddle-buddy go so early. "Let's see, a story for all of you..." the alien rumbled. Jo already did humour and Kev had just told a tale of woe - no, he must recite something else! Something exciting, yes. "I think I shall tell you about the time I fell into a fissure and nearly became bug-food." This audience ought to appreciate a good action story and they would also be enlightened about his homeworld. A double-dilly! Now, to set the stage...

    "While during one of my numerous rebellions against my father, I, being a naive pile of x'u x'u dung, had, once again, ventured onto the x'uutl (show-dil) of my homeworld - that's our basic word for plains." But first, some background text. "The plains are... Well, just imagine an endless ocean of green, green waist-high grass for as far as the eye can see in every direction. Nothing but flat, open land... At times, should you be fortunate enough, you can see the wind race through the expanse in waves. It's rather beautiful and serene, really." Zurg always did favour the plains over the North's subterranean lifestyle and the South's floating platforms. "But! The plains are quite dangerous and it would be foolish to venture too far without companions or adequate firepower. That said, guess who had neither?" That's right, this dummy. Zurg chuckled at his youth's complete lack of intelligence - stupid is as stupid does. "Of course, after digging for roots to eat and blindly walking in the tall grass, X'ki, whom had been tracking my ignorant hide, happened upon me." This is the part where Zurg growled, recalling something distasteful. "...He also pulled me around by the wrists and whipped the back of my scrawny legs. Craters, I hated that old shepherd at times."

    Anyway, the monarch didn't dwell on that for too long. "In any event, he had good reason to chastise me. Out on the plains, where there is no cover from both sun and predator, many have perished for being reckless or inept. Should there be, say, an adult X'rghuutl (shurg-OH-dil) worm, you would be royally screwed. They are big enough to swallow Prixlezub, you know." What a pleasant world, X'rghthung.

    "Fortunately X'ki carried my weak, emaciated carcass to a nearby clan - the Sh'yooluquroorudi (sh'yew-loh-qoh-rew-roh-deh). They're a very nice people, but be sure to call them Sh'yooluquroorudi and not Sh'yooluqurooruDII (sh'yew-loh-qoh-rew-roh-DEE). That's another clan, one to the far east." Just thinking about this brought back memories. But a story must be told! "Upon being brought to the clan, a feverish mess due to being left out in the sun for too long, all the women abducted me and proceeded to give me a thorough scrubbing. NNNGH!" Again, Zurg shivered but this time out of terror. "They touched me everywhere! And not only that, but they also took turns giving me affection! It was AWFUL." All the rubbing and the cooing and the cleaning and the - "GNHGGhghghlghlghlg!" This trip down memory lane was turning into a one-way ticket to nightmare fuel.

    Zurg needed a moment to cringe, faint sobbing being heard.


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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Lawrence on Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:27 am

    Lawrence watched Zurg and Kev, trying not to feel too jealous at seeing all that snuggling. It had been a while since he was able to indulge in the same. Hell, he could feel some of that rumbling all the way from where he sat.

    Then, finally it was time for a story from Zurg, and it sounded like it was something that happened during his youth. Lawrence narrowed his optics at the mention of X'ki . . . this would've been the real one, though he sounded just as bad as the annoying construct. "My, it seems he was just as charming when he was alive..."

    The story went on, of how Zurg wandered out onto the plains, ended up rescued by X'ki, and was then taken to one of the varied clans that lived there. Getting a bath and some affection didn't sound all that bad to the butler, but he remembered how the monarch sometimes had issues with being touched. He wasn't entirely sure what to say in this case, but a bit of perhaps clumsy comforting was in order... "Zurg, it's all right . . . I am sure what happened was a very long time ago. Take a moment to collect yourself if you need it before continuing . . . we do not mind."
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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Fri Aug 02, 2013 6:59 am

    Woo! She was in the clear to walk around in nothing but her underwear when Big Z wasn't around. And as for her kink? "I was mainly joking to get a rise out of Big Z," Jo admitted, not feeling shameful at all. Not a wink~! "But if you want a real kink, well... I'm not sure if I have a few or if I'm relatively kink-free." Actually, no. She did have kinks in her back but that was besides the point. Anyway, the mechanic took note of Kev's and Big Z's no xeno-homo antics, quirking a brow at their most likely alien shenanigans. "Oh brother, a pork chop for the large ham," she jokingly groaned. And all that rumbling!

    Jo had to place a hand on her chest, momentarily afraid that her heart would come leaping out. She could only imagine how Kev must be doing, given how close he was to the epicenter. "Ack, Big Z! You're going to have my brain ooze out of my ears!"

    The rumbling thankfully toned itself down but Big Z did not let go of his sleeping buddy. Welp, Kev was a goner.

    Rumbly-Tumbly wrote:"I think I shall tell you about the time I fell into a fissure and nearly became bug-food."
    Huh. Jo didn't think she knew this particular story. She did, however, recall the day that both Big Z and her nearly ate it that one time while visiting his homeworld. Talk about some messed up stuff! Big Z's planet was a downright frightening place to live. Although oddly tranquil, now that she was picturing how the plains were... "Hmm, I remember being out on the plains once," Jo nodded. Those freaking worms were huge, too. "It was certainly peaceful but I could have gone without worrying about whether or not I was on something's menu every five minutes." Big Z, you blockhead - why did you rebel against your father in such a reckless way!? Most kids just, you know, smoke a little dope or stay up real late and watch TV. At hearing the familiar name, X'ki, Jo had the same reaction. "...And you consider the man a friend?" Getting the back of your legs whipped wasn't really amicable... Then again, Big Z probably deserved it. If her parents had caught her running away out somewhere dangerous, a whooping would have been the least of her worries.

    Can You Repeat That Again...? wrote:"Fortunately X'ki carried my weak, emaciated carcass to a nearby clan - the Sh'yooluquroorudi."
    W-What? Jo looked positively bewildered. "And here I was, just about to think that your language couldn't get any more complicated... Silly me." How in the heck did you pronounce that!? Space whale magic, she tells ya. What's worse, the mechanic could barely recognize the difference between the two clan names. "Yeeeeeah, I don't think us confusing the two will be a problem, Big - ?" And then, out of nowhere, he proceeded to curl up into a ball and start blubbering. "...?" Oh. OH. He must be reliving the horrid nightmare of the women giving him a bath. "If you were outside in the sun and left to bake like a potato, then you most likely needed that bath, just saying," she pointed out. Not to be insensitive or anything, but Big Z's kind could really stink up a place!

    But being touched everywhere, considering he was deathly afraid of being touched in some places, she could understand. While Lawrence tried a softer approach to the situation, Jo looked around for a rock and lightly tossed it Big Z's way. Snap out of it, man!

    ...Dink!

    Bullseye! Right on the head.
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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Kev on Sat Aug 03, 2013 12:48 am

    Kev looked back at Zurg, almost oblivious. "Oh, okay." Turns out it was just a joke anyway!~ And by her own admission, Jo didn't have any real kinks anyway. "That's fine~! I don't think kinks are 'required' or anything.~" Probably better that she didn't. Her relationship with Zurg would be that much more uncomfortable, though he fully understood Zurg's discomfort with sexual fantasies and all of that. He thought of Carrie, and how she wanted to fix his 'not mating' ways, and shivered.

    The shivering stopped at the sensation of a hand rolling over his chest, Kev's eyes widening as he looked down. "Z-zurg!" He squeaked, flustered. That scaly chest was sensitive! "Sandpaper, you say?" He felt his chest for himself. "I must be getting close to a shedding, usually my scales are quite soft!" Not unlike those of a snake. Finally the chest touching stopped, only for him to be embraced closer. He was rocked from side to side, eyes closing slightly at the motion. Zurg's rumbling got a contented trill in return. "RRrr..." Zurg laid back and Kev, in the death grip, found himself being laid atop him. A combination of the rumblings and the lack of blood circulation was beginning to make him sleepy...so sleepy he almost missed Prixlezub's response.

    "Payback...? Sure, I could do that...Swindly Loo could be my hooker..." His eyes were closing even more, slumbering lightly on Zurg's chest for a moment. When Zurg began his story he snorted awake. "'M listening..." So a rebellious young Zurg went out into the plains with his big boy pants on. Like a corgi of maximum derp, Zurg went out into these dangerous plains with nothing but a point to prove. The growl roused him a bit more, Kev lifting his head to peek around at his surrounding before laying his head back on Zurg. X'ki found the lost lamb that was Zurg, and gave him a whooping on the legs for doing such a thing. He could have been killed after all. He listened to the story, though he lifted his head again at one detail.

    "Emaciated? How long were you out there?" X'ki carried him to a clan to be taken care of, and he had even contracted a fever! "Oh Zurg..." The story became one of horror though, abducted and scrubbed and touched? Oh, the feverish thing must have been petrified! He nuzzled the sobbing alien. "Sssh...ssh...rrrrrr~" Listen to the comforting trills, Zurg!~ And then suddenly, a little dink!

    "...Wazzat a rock?"


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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Prixlezub on Sat Aug 03, 2013 3:09 am

    Prixlezub's claws threaded slowly, listening to the monarch as he decided to tell his story. Ah, a tale from his youth? Interesting... Though the demon's mouth twitched into a small smile as he heard Kev begin to sow the seeds of revenge. Yes, make that robot your hooker, Kev, make him earn back all your money with his metal butt. The demon prince stayed silent however, as Zurg began with his tale out on the plains. Although he would find the demon curious about the strange terms he was using. "What is a x'u-x'u?" He rumbled curiously. It seemed similar to a few other things he had heard in the basic language. Long grasses, lush and as far as the eye could see... Gentle breezes and lovely climate, along with massive worms that apparently were large enough to swallow the demon whole if they so wished. Apparently Jo had the honor of being on the plains of Zurg's home world. "Did you encounter any of the worms during your visit?" He asked evenly.

    The wildlife seemed reminiscent to his own home.

    However, it would be time to tell such a story later on. For now, there was Zurg. Prixlezub continued listening as he talked of his meeting with X'ki, albeit a painful one at that. Inwardly the prince wondered if such a whipping gave the alien welts. The village X'ki had brought the young alien to sounded like a pleasant one from what the monarch had told, complete with a long, strange name to accompany it. "Hm, I wounder what such a name for the village meant." If it could be translated, that is. Though it seemed the most traumatic of situations were actually being bathed by the village women. A very affectionate bathing from what the monarch described, such horrors worthy of the alien needing to take a break to sob. He watched as the others gave their reassurances, staying silent as he awaited Zurg to continue once he had calmed.

    Although he doubted that rock would have done any good.
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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Zurg on Sun Aug 04, 2013 6:55 am

    Typical wrote:"I was mainly joking to get a rise out of Big Z."
    There were a few grubs and brain pods that would like a word with you, Jo.

    The monarch was going to make do on his good behaviour and not give into any tempting back-sass. He had a story to tell and his audience demanded clarification! "Ah yes, I remember when you first walked onto the plans, Jo. That had been rather dicey, hadn't it?" She nearly got eaten if he recalled correctly. "And a x'u x'u is our equivalent of a pack animal, Prixlezub. They have no eyes, multiple proboscises to determine their surroundings, and are very hairy. Not to mention smelly and large, too. In fact, you can always tell a shepherd from the rest of a clan - they typically aren't the best company to invite over." And that was because of both smell and demeanour. "Although they aren't the brightest creature ever to walk upon X'rghthung, they are oftentimes the hardiest, the swiftest, and most loyal out of all the plains animals. Having two sturdy legs in exchange for a lack of arms makes them well-adapted." Still, it was ill-advised to sleep near x'u x'u if one could help it.

    Naturally both Jo and Lawrence, two individuals who had met the construct known as X'ki, voiced their dissatisfaction with its stored personality. "Well! I... suppose the term, friend, is relative," Zurg answered back. "You will have to bear in mind that what you may consider as friendly qualities are not necessarily what we may consider as friendly qualities. X'ki was a good, honest man. Perhaps not the most compassionate fellow I've ever known, but it's hard to judge; his life wasn't very kind." For a curmudgeonly xul, the old shepherd was simply following expectations.

    And as for how long he had been out there, on the plains? Zurg held up a hand, ticking a few fingers while counting. "Hmm... I want to say, oh, two or three days? That sounds about right, because I could only smuggle so many supplies on my person. I ran out of water, first. After that, it became very hard to stand against the heat and consume any food - too dry and bitter."

    A winrar is Zurg.

    Back to his blubbering, the monarch was actually surprised to find people comforting him. "...You know I'm just being melodramatic, right?" Granted it had been a terrible ordeal in the mind of a child, but that was long in the past. He was a big boy now, yes? ...No? Oh, alright. You got him there. "But I do appreciate the concern; rather touching, re - " Dink! " - ..." Was... Was that a rock to his head? Of course it was a rock, Zurg pausing to pick it up and stare down at the puny thing incredulously. Jo, you need to take sympathy lessons from Lawrence and Kev, you terrible, terrible person. With a huff the monarch threw the stone behind a shoulder, having since ended his whimpering. "I'm going even going to bother," the man grumbled before laying back down.

    Back to the story and Prixlezub's next question. "Sh'yooluquroorudi loosely translates to The Children Who Chase Mother's Breath - they were known to produce fast runners, almost as fast as the wind itself. That is, of course, an exaggeration as with all clan names to some degree." Nobody boasts like a xul, they say!

    "Anyway, after getting vigourously cleaned and experiencing places I didn't even realize existed, the women dressed me up, placed all sorts of jewelry on me, and sent me on my merry way - with X'ki." Ugh, remember that bit about shepherds being malodorous? Zurg grimaced and wasn't afraid to show it. "I don't know how clans could have stand him. I really don't. Sure, he's a great shepherd and knows the lands better than anyone else I've met, but the smell..." It was enough to make you gag. "Since I didn't have any parents or relatives in the clan, I was forced to bunk with X'ki in his yurt for the entire duration. Interestingly enough, X'ki could always convince a clan chieftain to let him stay for a while. I never figured out how he did it; maybe he exchanged information or tracking advice? Regardless, living with X'ki, of all people, is downright torture. He's picky, he's always irritated at something, and he never smiles. All the men, women, and children loved to make fun of him, you know. It's not common for an individual to roam around the plains without a clan name or a family." The monarch may never know why X'ki hated everyone and everything, this being one of life's greatest mysteries.

    He could only shrug, now sitting up with Kev still in his purple clutches. "Oh well. I had a roof over my head and someone who cooked everyday. Not that X'ki created meals based on flavour..." Sometimes it was like eating dirt and grass. Probably was, too.

    "Despite some obvious shortcomings, I learned quite a lot under X'ki's wing. He taught me how to tend the herds, how to pinpoint signs of predators or danger, and he even allowed me to spend time with the women. I don't think he appreciated me coming back in layers of beads and flowers, though..." Zurg didn't mind, personally. The women had been nice and they each took turns parting with a little knowledge pertaining to weaving, sewing, and sometimes botany if they knew how. "I can't really say the same for the men, however. Apparently xuls - a race of people on my homeworld - follow stricter gender roles. Women take care of the children and domestic duties while the men go out to hunt and protect the clan. I'm... not a very good hunter. Lawrence knows what I'm talking about." As a child, Zurg didn't want to hurt anything! Especially not adorable, innocent x'u x'us...

    There was a point to all this yapping and the monarch began tying it all together.

    "Reputation spread that I was effeminate, which created a ripple effect through the clan. The women were furious and the men thought it cute to be cheeky whenever I walked by, but those backwards hybrids were the least of my worries." Why? Well let him tell you. "The other children were the cruelest." Nope, Zurg crossed his arms and audibly grumbled, "Stupid little brats... They're lucky I didn't initiate a eugenics program." Memories, memories; it was all coming back now. "Those worthless sacks of x'u x'u dung had the nerve to bastardize my name, too! They called me X'it (...Shit)! And not only that, but they found it real adorable to mock my supposedly "outlandish" mannerisms. I can't help it if I'm raised by Northern standards! It's perfectly acceptable to display characteristics of either gender, hmph."

    Oh, but he was rambling on a tangent. Zurg reined himself in and went back onto the beaten path. "One of them, and I distinctly remembered his dopey grin, was called Sh'yoosansa. Ugh, how I just wanted to smash his teeth in... Ha ha ha! Look at X'it, walking like a woman and spending time with the girls! He's so scrawny that even the x'u x'u take pity on him!" Yep, he was definitely holding this grudge for centuries.

    "Okay! So I was a tad on the skinny side!" the monarch admitted hotly, voice raising. "It's not my fault that I took after my mother!" Sweet, sweet Mother. And screw genetics. "It wasn't very long until the other boys joined in, poking fun and even going so far as to imitate the way I carried myself. Ohh, those ingrates... If they knew who they were talking to, they would have thought TWICE!" Do you see why Zurg reacted to your insults when he first met you, Jo? It was a sensitive sore spot with him! "And once the teasing didn't amount to anything, they decided to challenge me - before the men." Here Zurg groaned into his hands, wishing he could forget this particular moment. "Hey X'it, you confused boy! Why don't you prove to us that you have a x'i x'i and go into the nearby Sh'kliile Scar?"

    ...Didn't sound like a place to have a vacation.


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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Lawrence on Mon Aug 05, 2013 8:56 am

    Was that a rock? Granted, Lawrence had a feeling Zurg might've been overdoing it, but throwing a rock wasn't necessary! She could show a little more compassion than that, come on now.

    Lawrence glanced to Jo with an expression that roughly read 'see, I was correct to be worried about you going to X'rghthung' at the mention of her short trip there. She was probably almost eaten, he just knew it.

    Soon enough Zurg recovered from his hamming it up and got on with telling the rest of the story. As he went on about X'ki, Lawrence kind of sighed a bit to himself. "Well, I certainly was not the greatest at friendship either, for most of my life . . ."

    The butler listened as Zurg went on, optics again narrowing, this time at the enforced gender roles. As a robot, Lawrence technically had no gender, though he did identify as male. Aside from the whole robot taboo the whole planet suffered, he probably would've faced the same thing as Zurg. Is it such a crime to want to look your best, and possibly be a bit fabulous while doing it? He tried not to go overboard, but people who don't like that sort of thing tend to always pick up on it.

    As for the xul children being nasty, well, that was to be expected. "Given the opportunity, children can be little monsters... typical that they would challenge you to prove your 'manhood' by sending you into a horrible sounding place like that."
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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Mon Aug 05, 2013 3:30 pm

    What!? She knew Big Z had been hamming it up with a side of eggs! Of course, she could have chosen a more sympathetic response. That much is true. But still! The mechanic stuck out her tongue to Lawrence, pretty much saying Wah wah wah! Yeah, going to Big Z's homeworld had been pretty dangerous but if given the option she would have gladly done it again. Just... the worms she could have done without.

    Same with the mental image about Swindle earning back all that money with his metal butt. Ew!

    "Considering I hadn't known you were doing that terraforming-thingy when I arrived? No. No, I can't say that had been a walk in the park," Jo commented. Would it have killed Big Z to have given her warning ahead of time? "And you forgot to mention that x'u x'us are very inquisitive little buggers that will slobber up and down your entire body if you let them." Oh, and one more thing... The mechanic eyed Big Z with a knowing twinkle in her eye, a lopsided grin forming. "And I still would like one as a pet~!" she said. HAH! Jo hasn't forgotten, Big Z. C'mon, you miser. It would be adorable! Better than a dog, even! "Yep! I think having a x'u x'u eat all of the Cardigans' flowers will be well worth the penny on transportation spent." And you could ride it up and down the block, too.

    Prixlezub wrote:"Did you encounter any of the worms during your visit?"
    And good feeling gone, because Jo absolutely hated the worms. "Two, actually. One I accidentally stumbled upon," and she emphasized this by sending Big Z a peeved look, "while the other tried to get the drop on me as I recovered from having my crap pushed in. Did manage to stop the baby worm from snacking on me, though. The second? ...Not so much. It was huge, Prixlezub." Jo even spaced out her hands accordingly, holding them apart at about five inches and then suddenly expanding that measly increment to as far as her arms could spread. "Huge!" she said again. Her tune changed when Big Z next tried to offer his best explanation about X'ki.

    "The man is still mean, though..." To the point where X'ki appeared to enjoy it. Who could befriend a person like that? "And you're a great friend, Lawrence. A little snarky to the touch, but you're not intentionally unscrupulous like X'ki." The more Jo listened to Big Z tell his story, the more she could sorta see why. X'ki found Big Z, with fever and empty stomach, and carried the silly boy to a safe place. Was it a nice place in every aspect? From what she was hearing, no. But it was a safe place, and X'ki was looking after Big Z despite all of his grumpy flaws. For all of the shepherd's smelly, irritable, and otherwise hostile demeanor, he... was kinda like the misunderstood uncle-figure who really had his nephew's best interest in mind. Provided you could get past the initial personality disorder, that is. "And you don't know why X'ki never had a family or clan, Big Z?" Jo asked. That was definitely strange. She would have thought that Big Z, of all people, would have known about the shepherd's enigmatic life. She smelled a mystery... Oh, and...

    Big Z wrote:"Anyway, after getting vigourously cleaned and experiencing places I didn't even realize existed..."
    Ooh la la~! And spending time with the women, too! "Big Z, is there something you're not telling me about?" Wink wink, nudge nudge. There must be a reason why all the women just loved to doll you up. Oh ew, gender roles. Jo's mischievous nature was quickly exchanged for one of disapproval. "Eh, men who flaunt their so-called manliness are just overcompensating for something," she pointed out. Hey, Jo had seen enough of them on Tradeworld to know. "I think it takes a real man to ignore gender roles and do what's the best for himself and those he cares about, regardless of what society thinks." Because who cares about society, seriously? Not a Pistonne! So Big Z does dip his toes into both gender puddles; he wasn't a chauvinistic pig and he wasn't completely dainty. When the going gets tough, he steps up to the plate. And when the going requires a more delicate touch, he handles it with finesse. Can't say that about a lot of men she knew and had known.

    Apparently it was bad to express a heterogeneous gender perspective with the xuls, though. Jo got the feeling that the other races, she couldn't remember their names, were much more accepting than those who lived on the plains. "Oh yeah, children can be little terrors." Lawrence was right on the money. And look at Big Z, fluffing at the britches and talking about eugenics. "Your people and the need to purify genes," she spoke up.

    PFFT! wrote:"They called me X'it!"
    "...!?" Jo barely managed to catch herself laughing, immediately clasping a hand to her mouth. They called him...! They called him...! They called him SHIT! Oh wow, she knew it wasn't funny but that name. That name. And knowing Big Z's people, they probably didn't even realize how that name translated to Galactic Standard Basic. And aw, Big Z took after his mumsey. "You were a scrawny guy...?" Could have fooled her, you big beefcake! And yeah, she could see why Big Z had been extra touchy about having his gender orientation poked fun of. "I'm guessing the men demanded that you also go into whatever it is you said, huh? And... what's a shee-shee?"

    TMI wrote:"...typical that they would challenge you to prove your 'manhood'..."
    Oh. OH. Jo wore the dopiest look on her face, an innocent smile betraying how awkward she felt. Cue the automatic defense mechanism that required her inserting a foot directly into mouth. "Good luck on that. It's mythical."
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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Kev on Wed Aug 07, 2013 1:51 am

    Prixlezub asked a good question, what was a x'u-x'u? He almost thought he remembered hearing about that in the past. And obviously it was a creature from Zurg's planet, but what did it look like, what was it? And oh, Jo had almost got eaten by a worm? Sweet Gods! And lo, a x'u-x'u was described! ...Did not sound like much fun. An animal without eyes, that right there was just...odd. If something didn't have eyes, there was likely something wrong with it. From his descriptions though, they sounded not unlike a sheep!

    Kev didn't have much experience with X'ki. He could only remember the one instance he interacted with him, and it had scared the x'it out of him. Significantly more awake now then he was before, Kev decided to comment on the old xul. "He cared about you enough to get you out of those plains. And he cared about you enough to whip your legs. A weird way to show care, but sometimes you hurt those you love because they scare you. And with you being young, that was likely discipline." Oh yes, spawn were expected to mind their Elders. And if they didn't, they were swiftly made to mind their Elders in the future! Mind, Kev wasn't about to go down to the Orphanage and get to whipping on the kids there, they weren't his or his responsibility. "Plus, he could have left you out there. So its the thought that counts~!" The thought of 'oh, let me save this young chillen'.

    Two or three days then? "Wow...you must have been starving." Alien biology meant that Kev had no idea how long Zurg could technically last without food. Kev himself could only last three days without even a glimmer of sunshine. And lo, it seems Zurg's trauma was a melodramatic act! The rock, however, was not. Kev stifled a giggle since he was still in Zurg's arms, and merely listened. "Why do they chase their mother's breath? Are they hungry?" Baby Zurgy Thingies ate like birds, right? The name was meant to denote speed though. After a cleaning, they dressed Zurg up, put jewelry on him, and he stayed with X'ki for the rest of his stay there. "He sounds like an interesting person." Grumpy, hated people, just the type of person Kev would probably try to befriend. In fact, the more he heard about X'ki, the more he wondered if Zurg's friendship with the man lead to him becoming...well, sorta like him in some ways. At least in the past.

    Time spent with the clan was a time of learning, both from X'ki and from the females of the clan. The males seemed indifferent to him, being busy instead with hunting, while the children...ooh, the children. They sounded terrible! He might not have understood a lot of the insults they threw at him, but boy was Zurg heated! He patted the purple alien's chest from his spot in captivity. "There, there. Its okay Zurg. After all, they're dead now, and you're alive! So you get the last laugh." How...cheery.

    Aaw, Jo's take on the gender situation was rather sweet! "Does that mean I'm a real man?~" He asked, batting those bambi eyes. Though in all fairness, Kev and his gender were technically seen as the submissive one, although specific gender roles didn't exactly exist. You were as you were, and to base who you were based on a simple mating part was odd, and silly. A wangdoodle did not take hold of how you carried yourself, or what your personality was like, and neither did a watchacallit. Although the females still had a reputation for being aggressive...

    A scrawny little Zurg adolescent, did that mean in his day, Zurg was no different from Kev?~ He gave the man's muscular chest a quick thump as if to ponder how it would be if it were...thinner. Though then Jo said something that caused Kev to look at her. And stare. A mythical manhood? Oooh boy...thanks a lot Jo, you weren't in the line of fire! His head snapped back up to Zurg, blacks of his eyes tiny slivers. Would he take that joke well? Or would Kev become boots by proxy?


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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Prixlezub on Wed Aug 07, 2013 8:46 pm

    The demon stayed silent, listening to Zurg (and Jo at some points) as he described the strange creatures that were the x'u-x'u. Smelly, hairy, slobbery and inquisitive. Not to mention blind as well it seemed... They certainly sounded like a prey animal if he had every heard of one. Prixlezub was vaguely reminded of the bovine creatures that the humans would herd around back on the Material Plane. However, the demon's attention was brought back over to Jo as she talked about her encounters with the worms. The demon gave a small, impressed puff from his grill as he heard that the first she had to fend off was but a baby. Even then it seemed the worms were made to be apex predators from birth, all the way to their massive, ferocious adulthood.

    "You were lucky escape alive." Prixlezub replied to her. "Nonetheless, it is impressive to hear that you managed to kill off a young worm, given what you described."

    The demon grew silent once more as Zurg went on with his story, the plains being just as merciless as they were beautiful. Arid heat, relentless sunlight... A leisurely walk for the prince, but for the alien, not so much it seemed. Especially with his lack of proper supplies. X'ki did not seem to be much better either, a grumpy and stinky man from his profession as a x'u-x'u herder. As the alien went on, it seemed the worst was yet to come, as Zurg spoke of how the villagers reacted to his different culture compared to the other xuls.

    Women were furious, men found it amusing, and the children were vicious little monsters. That certainly sounded like the mannerisms of a small village when faced with something different then their culture. Prixlezub craned his head attentively as the alien went on, his lips curling slightly in amusement as he started to go one about the bullies. Ah, but Zurg could not rightfully tell those children who he was, hmm? After all, he went into that environment to escape something, not for a vacation after all. However, the demon remained silent, interested in what happened next. Though something told him that whatever happened involved that grinning child getting his own taste of karma.
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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Zurg on Sat Aug 10, 2013 7:03 pm

    What, she still...!? "Jo, we are not having a x'u x'u as a pet," the monarch sternly chided. Didn't he tell her that before? "While you may find them to be humourous creatures with half a brain cell left, they can be quite demanding and they eat damn near everything. I am not going to subject my poor garden to such torture!" Although, now that he thought about it, unleashing a starving x'u x'u unto the Cardigans' yard was rather... evil. But still! No x'u x'u. The worms, however... Zurg threw up his arms, at a near loss with this subject. "You never bothered to call!" he countered. This was his alibi and he was going to stick with it like a fly to honey. "If you had let me known ahead of time like a responsible person, then I could have given you the warp coordinates to my location. But noooo, you had to make it a surprise and nearly get EATEN. Don't forget who saved your unsuspecting hide, you know. Calculating warp trajectories in mere seconds is nothing to shake a stick at! I could have accidentally sent you into the sun's core..." And then he never would have heard the end of it.

    From worms back to X'ki, and to quieter mentions of other things. "Don't feel so bad, Lawrence. You were most likely more friendly than X'ki ever was." Perhaps there was some truth to Kev's words, though. The monarch did have to agree, even if grudgingly, that X'ki must have cared if he carried the insufferable boy-Grace to safety. "He may be a mean old man, but Kev is, alas, right; X'ki either took pity upon my pathetic existence or was following orders from my father. I think I prefer the former to the latter, honestly." Nnngh, Zurg hated his father keeping tabs on every, single, nit-picky thing there was to his life.

    Jo wrote:"And you don't know why X'ki never had a family or clan, Big Z?"
    "Well, I never thought to ask," was Zurg's innocent answer. "I-I mean, X'ki would not have liked me prodding into his personal affairs. If I had, he might have hit my head with his crook and told me to go scrub out a x'u x'u pen for my insensitivity." Yes, Kev; Zurg had most definitely taken a few mannerisms from the old shepherd. "An individual, especially a xul, not having a family or clan is considered a tremendous taboo to discuss. The only possible conclusion I can think of is that X'ki was either banished or marked - both aren't very good things on one's name..."

    Although that didn't explain why X'ki was able to weave his way into clans and be granted brief amnesty...

    In any event, the monarch rolled his eyes at Jo's impish nature and decided to forgo adding more fuel to the fire. Instead, he decided to spend that energy humouring Kev's questions first. "Yes, I was starving. And they don't really chase the wind; it's just an exaggeration to boost their clan's bragging rights. They were quite swift, nevertheless..." And... what the heck did Kev just say? "..." You know, somehow Zurg didn't find the joke all that funny. If anything, it brought his spirits down a peg or two. "Aha... aha... Yes, the last laugh," he sighed. Scumbag Kev, destroyer of dreams.

    But hearing Jo get all righteous about gender roles did pick the monarch back up. And maybe watching Kev bat his big, ol' eyes. "Well, if Kev is considered a man by those standards then I must be Superman." Jo, you better agree! All the metaphorical sweat and toil he does for you...

    ...Then Jo almost - almost - broke out into laughter at his rather upsetting nickname. Cue the hidden scowl and Zurg's eyes glowing from beneath his veil's shadow. "Yes, I was the scrawny guy," he grumbled. But look at him now! See these guns? SEE THEM!? He could crack Kev's skull open like a walnut if he so wanted. "Anyway," he continued, trying to put that all past him. "As I was saying, they challenged me before the men of the clan. Naturally, as clan rules go, I had to perform the challenge or die trying. Well, maybe not so much literally as express a decent amount of effort, maybe. I doubt X'ki would have let me - "

    Jo wrote:"Good luck on that. It's mythical."
    " - ..." Hear that? That was the sound of dishes breaking in the background.

    "That DOES IT." No more of your crackshots, woman! Zurg got up, guns ablazin', and proceeded to stuff Jo directly into her sleeping bag. Without really harming her, of course. He may be large and in charge, but he'd never be violent with her. Rather, he was just going to lift up the bag, like so, and give it a happy little shake~! Rustle, rustle, rustle. Like so, thereby forcing Jo to fall to the bottom and be absolutely helpless while Zurg ties a great big knot at the top. And there we are! One sleeping bag turned into a sleeping sack. With a smile on his face and a song in his heart, the monarch set Jo's comfortable prison down and happily whistled as he walked back to Kev's space. "My x'i x'i is about as mythical as the sex you're never going to get~!"

    BURN. There's some ice in Kev's house (maybe) if you ask politely enough.

    Now, where was he... Zurg closed his eyes and upturned his not-nose, sniffing. "That's right, the scaaaar... Ahem! So! Scars; they're pretty much expansive fissures that have fractured our homeworld at the middle. They're quite dangerous as a hazardous gas, known as Haze, is released from them; which either kills within seconds of contact or corrupts. Scars are also known to contain the biggest, scariest wildlife known on X'rghthung with the exception of its oceans. You will find all sorts of nasty insects there but also, in a twist of biological irony, the best fungi and foods, too." That brief backstory given, it was time.

    "I was given a night to prepare a bag filled with supplies, my challenge? To survive reaching the bottom of the Sh'kliile Scar and climb back up to the living." Sounds simple enough, no? To be continued next post, because Zurg is a windbag and Jo is a scamp!


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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Lawrence on Sun Aug 11, 2013 12:25 am

    Lawrence sighed in relief when Zurg refused Jo asking for a pet x'u x'u. Ugh, he could only imagine the mess one of those things would make of the yard and garden. It would probably be smelly, and shed, and all the other disgusting things herd animals did . . . it was bad enough dealing with all that cat hair from Shalti and Homo. Although, unleashing it in the Cardigans' yard might be amusing...

    As for X'ki and his lack of a family or clan, and yet still being welcomed by others briefly, the butler had to give that some thought. Granted, he did not know as much as he would like about X'rghthu society, but he did have to wonder if perhaps there was something else going on. "Hmm . . . if not either of those, perhaps X'ki was the only member of his clan remaining? It would certainly explain a few things..."

    Kev's comment got a bit of a bristle out of Lawrence, especially given Zurg's reaction to it. The noodly alien would be on the receiving end of one of his icy glares for a few seconds. "Kev..." At one point, he might have believed that the monarch was responsible for the end of his people, but now that he knew Zurg far better, that couldn't be the case. Zurg cared far too much, even at his most raging moments. Something else had to be responsible for his race disappearing . . . which make Kev's joke in quite poor taste.

    And then suddenly there was a Jo in a bag. That earned a chuckle out of Lawrence, she should've known that was going to happen. "Well, with that interruption taken care of, do go on . . ."
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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Tue Aug 13, 2013 7:26 pm

    Was Prixlezub incredulous that Jo could actually kill something about to eat her, or was he honestly impressed? It was hard to tell, either way. She figured to take the compliment (she thought it was?) and not worry over it. "Thanks, I... think." That worm had been bad news and the mechanic didn't need to relive it. And that was his reasoning for not having a cuddly new pet!? Okay, so Jo didn't really think having a x'u x'u around the house was a good idea - she still thought it was a funny what-if, though. Imagine the turds it would leave behind! "I wanted my arrival to be a surprise," she emphasized, arms still crossed. "And I am, too, responsible! I come home after work, don't lose my keys like some people, and I follow a regular sleeping schedule. I'm an adult!" Big Z, don't you even start.

    Yessiree, she was an adult and Jo made it her point to act like one. First, to civilly respond. "Guess the only way to know at this point is to ask X'ki himself." Who... was back at the house, no doubt enjoying the good life with the cats. Or, you know, zapping everything he saw and cackling while doing so.

    And dat joke, Kev. Dat joke.

    Jo wisely didn't comment on that, instead listening to Lawrence and Big Z handle it. Ooh... A very poor choice of words but it's not like the mechanic was a shining example, herself. Still! She smiled at her scaly friend and nodded. "You're a real manly man, Kev. So manly, you have Superman, over there, dine on your crap." Dirty! Dirty, dirty, dirty. But hey, at least she was agreeing. Jo kept her calm and simply listened on, ignoring that red glare no doubt meant for her. Not her fault you were a twig back in the day, Big Z. She was just enjoying your story with some precious commentary~! Oh, and speaking of precious commentary... Apparently her comment about his mythical manhood incited Superman to come out.

    So there she was! Sitting in the sleeping bag, minding her own business, when suddenly, out of nowhere, she was attacked! "Hey, what's the big idea!?" Jo demanded, feeling her body fall to the bottom end of the bag and awkwardly lay there. It didn't help that her limbs were all tangled and her spine wasn't meant to stay this way. To make matters worse, Big Z tied the top end of the bag, the end where she could breathe, and left Jo trapped.

    Hooray.

    She felt herself being set down and immediately the mechanic kicked and punched in her soft prison. "Big Z, when I get out of here, you're gonna be a EUNUCH!" Never mind the mythical sex! There were toys for that. Grumbling and mumbling, Jo soon became tired and didn't see reason to fight anymore. She just curled up inside like a little ball of brooding and rolled over, back turned to the group. This interruption wasn't coming out until it was time to eat. "Hmph..."
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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

    Post by Kev on Wed Aug 14, 2013 5:09 pm

    Jo and Zurg sure were bantering a lot tonight! He must have gotten un-used to their banter, he remember them tossing words like this in the past when Jo came to the Sanctuary more. Good times! Good times...and it was nice to see someone else make Zurg all heated, he sure did it enough on his own! "He has a point~" Yeah Jojo, why didn't you call first?~ Course, calling first wouldn't have made it surprising or romantic. But getting eaten by worms wasn't romantic either. Surprising, but not romantic.

    X'ki was a different sort of man, but he could see how he and Zurg were friends. Or at least friendly enough that Zurg had his personality in a little robotic thing. X'ki seemed to be a lonely man too, since he had no family or clan and Zurg didn't know why. Banishment was a possibility, as was being...marked? "What's 'marked'? And I think for whatever reason he was alone, it couldn't be his doing. After all, if he were some murderer who got banished for being evil and murdery, I don't think your father would want you near a man like that." Though if X'ki were like that, then maybe that explained how Zurg became the Evil Emperor Zurg. "Ooh, I see." Fast runners, dem Sh'yooluquroorudi!

    Sad Sack wrote:"...Aha... aha... Yes, the last laugh,"
    Admonishing Robot wrote:"Kev..."
    Kev's head tilted to the side, genuinely not understanding. He was the last of his kind too, and if Zurg had told him that his enemies being dead gave him the last laugh, he'd agree! Though he quickly remembered that Zurg had been the last of his kind before Alpha and his world destroying shenanigans and he gasped, covering his mouthless face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that! I just mean they can't ever say that stuff about you now cause..." Cause they're dead and Zurg's the last of his kind, dammit Kev stop mentioning that! "Cause...Cause you have Jo, who's a great little matey friend thing, and you have Lawrence, and you have me to show how manly you are by comparison~! Not that you need much comparison." He patted one muscular pectoral. Oh yeah, those idiots couldn't call Zurg stuff like that now~!

    Jo picked the mood right back up, making Kev feel quite secure in his masculinity. Even compared to Superman. "Thank you, Jojo!~ You're quite the independent female that has traits of both yourself, but in a good way!~" No more accidental insults today, nosiree! He snickered, feeling bad for Zurg. "In his defense, he didn't know it was poop when he first started eating it! Its not full of bacteria like other poop either, it just has a bitter taste to make predators not wanna eat us. Though obviously Zurg is an exception." A very odd exception but as long as it kept a steady flow of olive juice coming for him, he didn't mind giving Zurg his poop!

    Zurg continued with his story, though the explanations got forgoed for a moment after Jo made her comment. Kev stiffened up in Zurg's grasp, especially at his angry yell, though Zurg quickly climbed out of their sleeping bag. Kev watched, wide eyed, as Zurg proceeded to stuff Jo inside her sleeping bag! Why, he even looked like ole Sandy Claws, carrying a bag of presents! Presents named Josephine Pistonne. Zurg returned back to the sleeping bag, looking quite pleased. "Wow." See that Kev? That could be you. Jo was still breathing, kicking, and talking, so she was very much alive! Though she also seemed put out.

    "Aaw...Zuuuuurg..." He turned his eyes up to the purple alien, gesturing back to the Jo sack with his pupils. "She looks like a sad potato sack..." Go kiss and make up! Though there was still a story to be told! Those terrible little spawn issued their challenge in front of the clansmen, basically forcing Big Z to go through with the challenge. So basically his dare was to go down into the poisonous gassy place with dangerous animals and live through the night, then climb back up. "So how are you still alive? Did you really do their murderous challenge?" What sort of demon spawn were these?! Daring another to do stuff like that!


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    Re: A Sleepover? Is That What Normal People Do?

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