Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    A Child Still

    Share
    avatar
    Livewire
    Terabyte

    Terabyte

    Posts : 495
    Join date : 2011-04-06
    Age : 6
    Level : 60

    Character Sheet
    Defense Bar:
    65/65  (65/65)
    Health Bar:
    650/650  (650/650)
    Stamina Bar:
    120/120  (120/120)

    A Child Still

    Post by Livewire on Sun Nov 18, 2012 7:54 pm

    Time: 6:00 PM
    Date: November 18




    She walked quickly. She needed to go, she needed to just get away, get far, far away from the Sanctuary, from people she knew, from Karkat. She had asked, she had asked and she wished she hadn’t. She wished she hadn’t but she had to because she was terrified of what he would say.

    The walls and doors of buildings were a blur to Livewire as she walked down the sidewalks, no destination in mind but her stabilizing servos carrying her onwards to a place she knew not where. Her head was at the same time silent and screaming, raging and empty as she played over the scene she was running away from. Yes, she was running away, there was no shame in her for admitting that.

    Livewire wrote:”Karkat, may I ask you a question?”

    He had been cooking when she came into the kitchen, some sort of soup as far as she could see. He didn’t look up at her when she asked it, as the meal he was preparing held his attention. He didn’t look like someone who had done anything, at that moment. He looked just like he usually did.

    Livewire wrote: “Is Gaara dead?”


    Livewire didn’t know what she was expecting him to say. She was hoping, praying even in some small part of her that he would say that Gaara was still alive, that when Terezi told her that Karkat had taken him to space it just meant that Karkat had left him there for a while, some sort of extreme form of time-out. She had hoped so much that Gaara wasn’t dead, but she had wanted even more that Karkat wasn’t the one that killed him.

    Karkat wrote: “I'M NOT GOING TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION TO YOU.”

    Wh-

    Karkat wrote: “I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS.”

    Oh no.

    Karkat wrote: “I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.”

    And there it was. In that denial, that contradiction, Livewire had her answer. Karkat had killed Gaara. Karkat had KILLED Gaara. Karkat, whom Livewire had no small amount of ill feelings towards when it regarded the subject of a certain red-haired boy, had killed her friend.

    Karkat, in what seemed like not very long ago had worked with Gaara, had helped him deal with and defeat his very literal personal demon, who had sat there with Gaara and became his friend before in what seemed like the flip of a page had destroyed their friendship for reasons the cybertronian couldn’t care to remember right now, had KILLED HIM. Karkat had built Gaara up and then tore him right back down, and Livewire had taken it upon herself to try and pick up the pieces.

    The sound of doors closing behind her barely registered to the femme as she stormed through the entrance to the Olympic Stadium. Her feet carried her through the halls on auto-pilot as her mind raced and the Training Center grew ever closer. For such a small form, Livewire’s clenched fists and glowing eyes displayed an overwhelming amount of mottled aggression, stained with the colors of rage and mourning. This shouldn’t be hitting her so hard, this shouldn’t hurt so much but it DID. Gaara was dead, her good friend was dead, and Karkat had killed him. She didn’t know what to think, she didn’t know what to feel, and she couldn’t control either at the moment.

    The figure of a practice dummy stood out in Livewire’s peripherals, highlighted by the targeting system that had activated itself in response to Livewire’s distressed state. Her systems registered its form but her mind saw everything that pained her right then. She saw her rage, her sadness, in this lifeless mannequin she saw Karkat and heard his dismissal of her, she saw Nepeta and her denial of the news of Gaara’s death in order to save Livewire’s feelings, she saw the Karkat months ago who had held Gaara’s hand and helped him up and she saw that same Karkat who had thrown Gaara away like he was no more than trash. As her blades locked into place she saw herself, and all of her failures. She saw as she was finishing up Gaara’s mittens only a night ago, and she realized that while she was piecing together those colored strings Gaara was being murdered a thousand miles away. She saw herself every single time that she was near Karkat and had done nothing. Karkat had been deteriorating, turning into a paranoid shadow of who he used to be, and she had just ASSUMED that his family would take care of it like her family took care of her. They were the problem children, in a way. Always making the big mistakes. But this time Karkat had gone too far.

    Stuffing and styrofoam flew around Livewire as the training dummy fell apart in front of her. Hardened resin and fibrous support split like eggshells beneath her claws as she beat against the mannequin, unleashing the torrent that had built up so suddenly and swiftly that she was defenseless against it. Livewire’s only sound was the turning of her gears and the slashing of her metals, the torrent in her mind deafening any vocal contribution she could have cared to give. Her face was impassive as the detailed expressions she had copied from all those around her fell away in this time of trial. Mannequins and dummies fell beneath her blade and claw, walls were gouged deep by her talons in her fury.

    She sliced, she cut, she threw, she beat, until there was nothing left about her but destruction and foam. The femme fell to her knees and grasped at her head, her rage and sorrow turned inwards now that the outside world had run out of scapegoats. Livewire took in all that was around her, this paltry display of power that she had created and in that moment realized that she was nothing. When an enemy falls there is an empty satisfaction, a pride and purpose even though you had no place in their demise. When a friend is felled at the hand of an enemy there is sorrow and shame, and then comes the knowledge that you did nothing to stop it. But when a friend is felled at the hand of a friend there comes the true worthlessness, the time when you can count each and every opportunity you had to stop it from happening. This is where Livewire was now.

    This child, known for her sunny disposition and her cheer, was a coward. There was no way to talk around it, no way to sugar-coat it at all. She was a coward in every fashion. A coward and a fool, who threw the ropes of emotional bonds around each and every person’s neck but was too scared to maintain them. The sharp rise of static broke itself free from Livewire’s mouth as all of the shame washed in after the tide of rage had passed. She had failed so horribly. She had failed Gaara, in not doing more for him to try and keep this from happening. She had failed Karkat, in not paying enough attention to him and being unable to see that he had been falling apart for a long while now. Livewire slumped down and wrapped her arms about herself in a pitiful attempt of comfort. In her mind a cowardly child lived, and right now this child was going through a thousand “what-ifs” and “I wish” ‘s to try and directed the blame away from itself. Livewire held herself and was completely still as she wished that Gaara was alive and that she had just interpreted Karkat’s answer wrong. She wished that this was easier, that this hadn’t happened, and that she could just press an ABORT option and that this would all go away. Livewire wished so hard, so desperately, that she was someone else.

    But she wasn’t. And none of this was going to go away.

    The femme raised her eyes from the floor and stared in front of her. Like a child passing out after a tantrum, the display of violence had helped to clear the femme’s processor and allowed her to actually think.

    Gaara was probably going to come back. No, he WAS going to come back. But, if he followed the usual time for a stay at the Pool of Souls, then that wouldn’t be for a while. When Gaara returned Karkat would still be here and there was little doubt in her mind that this would happen again. She couldn’t do anything for Gaara now, but Karkat was another matter. She had failed at intervening once, but this femme would not make that mistake again. Livewire stood up and picked the bits of dry stuffing and resin off of her form before stalking out of the decimated training room. She would come back later to fix it, but not right now.

    She had things to do.

      Current date/time is Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:24 am