Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    The Home of Our Dreams

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    Jo Pistonne
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Wed Jul 27, 2011 5:43 pm

    That was... pretty downright nefarious and crafty. Oh, Zurg, you had such a brilliant mind for scheming at times. And ample time on your hands to await the results! Fingers in all the pies indeed. Now if only he could get those fingers in another cherry-topped pie... *shoots RPer* But yes, Jo could understand how some people would betray others for personal gain. It was something she saw happen every day on Tradeworld. As long as they could keep their head on their shoulders or make an extra unibuck, even their friends and family weren't safe.

    A hundred years? Okay, that was really stretching it. Jo would be a wrinkly, old lady by then, unless the whole you-don't-age thing on Portal Breach was true. In that case, she could wait... maybe. With some difficulty and a buttload of willpower. But if Zurg was willing to experience the sensation of her lips on his skin more, she'd be willing to give him a helping hand or two~ *shoots RPer again*

    "Uh-huh," Jo nodded, looking around. It even smelled like that old person smell. If this turned out to be the home of their dreams she hoped they could get rid of the smell! If she could smell it imagine how well Zurg was smelling it! Yuck...

    "It's not that bad, but I'm curious to see the rest of the place if this is how the front hall looks like!" Now, where else could they go? Jo checked the floor plans, wondering what the difference between a parlor and a chamber were supposed to be.

    "Let's explore this floor first. To the right!" Side-stepping the furniture, the mechanic slipped into the first room on the right, which was labeled as the parlor on the floor plans, but looked more like a regular living room -- as regular as an old place like this got.

    "Well, it's... different!" she finally decided, looking around. "It's definitely got character."


    (( I sure hope so! And those sellers always say "coming soon" but mean in a decade! XD But time for work again, so bye bye! ))
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:20 am

    AUUUUUUGH! If there was one thing this RPer absolutely detested it was cherry pie. Ew, gross, Jo! What's an honest man to do with cherry-stained fingers!? And what's this about helping hands or two? My good god in every religion known to the universe, Jo was just downright dirty today! She's lucky my shotgun is away for some needed cleaning.

    Indeed the place did smell like old person, and old cats, leaving Zurg rubbing his eyes and trying his best to prevent water leaking out of them. "This couple, whoever they were, certainly loved animals." He sniffed. Oh, no. That itchy sensation was making its rounds. The alien was never known to have allergens to pet dander, but then again not much was known about Zurg in the first place. Cats. Always with the cats. Homo and Shalti were just bad enough! "Lots of cats. Lots." With a piece of tissue he dabbed his eyes and followed Jo, this room thankfully not quite as infested but certainly riddled with the dander.

    Upon seeing this grand chamber the man placed the tissue within his very own pocket and clapped his heels together. "Josephine!" He suddenly shouted, tone now rather... full of itself. If she turned around she would notice a... what!? How'd he suddenly produce a monocle over his left eye!? Was it from his toolkit of tricks? "Tis a lovely time for a Friday drive, don't you think? Pip, pip, and cheerio."

    Ohhh, that's it. He was feigning his best Tangean accent because this room looked like it could be owned by a couple of Blue Bloods!

    Cue the absolutely British Tangean music.

    "I rather think this place is quite dashing, but it is giving me a strong aura of pompousitis. They said it's contagious, I'm afraid." Why... did Zurg sound like a very convincing Tangean nobleman?

    (See you!)


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:48 am

    It was worth it just to see your reaction! We must find a pie that's more attuned to your tastes for the future~ And yes, she was, and it won't stop easily I'm afraid, so man up for some more dirty jokes in a couple of posts!

    Zurg began to wheeze and it seemed like his allergies were acting up. Cats, huh? There must've been a lot of cats for his allergies to kick in this much. The next room was better, at least, but it still appeared far too fancy for Jo's tastes.

    But when he suddenly called her by her full name, she turned her head to look at him so fast that she felt her neck crick. What in the -- no one called her by that name besides for Proxy! She felt so unused to it, it was like she'd suddenly aged about a dozen years. But wait, he sounded different too and he was... wearing a monocle?

    Oh!

    He was pretending to be a Tangean! A very convincing Tangean she might add. Well, he certainly got cookie points for achieving the snobbish accent spot-on! The mechanic could do nothing but laugh as she saw his display, clutching her stomach and gasping for breath.

    "O-Oh, stop that!" She patted his chest, still snickering. "I'm allergic to pompousitis!" But he did have a point. This house looked really prestigious and might have possibly been lived in by a snooty-nosed Tangean. Hey, speaking of Tangeans, there was one on Portal Breach! That Mira Nova who owned the cinema... she seemed a little stranger from other Tangeans, though. She didn't have the incredulous accent, for one. Huh.

    "Ready to see the next room, my dear chap?" Jo asked, assuming her own Tangean-inspired accent. She even waved her hand in that flowery manner and pretended to dab at her nose with a nappie. "I do believe we've lingered far too long in this room and it's made us experience the first symptoms of pompousitis!"

    Blast it, this was fun.
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:56 am

    What? He couldn't call her Josephine? Well! Zurg saw how it was and he sniffed arrogantly at all her extravagant flourishes. "Would you prefer it if I called you Madame?" Not to be mixed up with the senior woman who ran a brothel. Unless if Jo wanted to take it that far, of course. And she better not call him butler or anything like that! He was no Lawrence!

    Almost letting out a gurgled sound at her mockery of everything Tangean (a sound of amusement), he followed her without problem and eagerly awaited what else this charming little home had in store. "I do believe the Victorian style from Earth does not suit your needs, Madame Josephine."

    Oho, let's see her glare at him like that again~?


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:09 am

    "Ew, no!" She wrinkled her nose and snorted in a most unladylike fashion. "Just Jo, please, or Jojo if you must. I can't stomach Josephine at all let alone madame." Oh cosmos, such an old lady's name, such an old lady's name!

    She shot him another scowl for good measure when he spoke both words in the same sentence again. Jo was definitely not a happy camper right now and she even gave off an imperious-sounding sniff befitting on a Tangean Royal.

    The next room they came across was a kitchen, which had just about as much character as the previous rooms, but this room actually looked pleasant with the wooden cupboards and floor. Almost classy. It was connected with the dining room which gave Jo that air of pompousitis again, but she actually really liked the kitchen and eagerly went back to it to examine the cupboards and their polished surfaces. She couldn't tell what kind of wood it was supposed to be, but it looked darn good!
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:28 am

    Oh, and what sort of double standard was this? Zurg just gave a devilish snicker and he wasn't at all bothered by Jo's recent case of holier-than-thou syndrome. As a horned alien responsible for much evil he doubted any charm she crafted would break his infernal will. As much as she'd like to try, of course~! "So. I can't call you by your full first name but you can say mine, hmm? I see how it is, Jo. I see how it clearly is." Why didn't she like her name? It sounded an awfully lot better than his, you know.

    Upon entering the kitchen he gagged and found the wallpaper just dreadful. "I can't cook in this." He remarked. "This kitchen is fit for a Tangean, alright, but not me. And would you just look at all this strangely-coloured wood! Who uses wood anymore?" His knuckles rapped upon it for good measure and he wasn't sure he liked the sound of it. Wood... And if he thought the kitchen was something to balk at then wait till he got a load of the dining room. Glass table, wooden chairs, ornate fireplace, and hand-painted portraits of humans. That last bit got him to sneer just a tad and he turned right back into the kitchen where Jo remained rummaging.

    "As much as this wounds me to say, I don't like the purple house." His favourite colour and ruined with Tangean-style furnishing! AUUUGH.


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:48 am

    Just listen to him snickering. Wicked Devil. If Jo put her mind to it she bet she could break that infernal will of his~! "Since when do I call you by your first full name? Even your real name's like a nickname without the proper title attached to it or something, right?" Something about mee's and long, long titles, she couldn't even remember it all. She just remembered the important bit and that was how to say his name simply and with no titles in the way. And she barely even called him that because, well, public places and all that. It did sound nice when spoken aloud, though. Rolled off her tongue quite nicely~

    Aww, he didn't like the kitchen? She'd found it comfy and welcoming. Sure, the wallpaper wasn't all that nice, but it could be replaced. But she really liked the window and shelving. "It's not the best, but if we do get this house we could probably replace all the furniture with something less Tangean-looking. Don't you think?" Unless he thought this place was beyond all hope! In that case, they'd probably have to start looking at House #4 to see what's what.

    Was it after noon? Jo was feeling a little hungry... and it wasn't from standing in a kitchen, nope.
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:58 am

    Look at her, getting all defensive and indignant. "What? Oh, name. Right." He threw a hand and looked off to the side, pretending he found something worth his momentary gaze. "I forgot that humans abbreviate. Well, if you can pronounce this -- " Suddenly harsh growls and organ-jostling rumbles penetrated the air, glass in the cupboards and dishes laying jittering about in place as he spoke what was his full and lengthy name. " -- then you can say my full name whenever you pleased. But since you can't, and I can say your full name, then just shorten it to X'iita. Note, that is NOT X'it." Zurg quickly cautioned with waving hands.

    Sounded an awful lot like -- "Hey, Jo, look~!" Talk about short attention spans. Zurg abruptly changed subjects and started messing with the stainless steel refrigerator. Opening and closing it, he continued to inspect it fully before giggling and going right into it. You read right. Zurg had officially gone into the refrigerator. "This is rather nice and cooling." A muffled voice struggled from the metal beast's belly before he re-emerged, horns and bits of clothing covered in light frost. With a good shake he rid himself of icicles and was already wanting to go upstairs to see the rest of the place.

    "Lunch says the upstairs is going to be worse than the downstairs." Oh, what a wisecrack.

    And why did he go into the refrigerator like a piece of meat...


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Thu Jul 28, 2011 3:35 am

    Jo just stared at him, blinking. Well, no there was no way in the universe she could pronounce all that, could she? But it made her chest and insides jiggle from the vibrations, and she even had to clutch her stomach for a moment to settle it down. And there he was, just saying his name like it was okay. Well, okay! "X'iita, X'iita, X'iita, X'IIT," she said in a sing-song voice, ending the last word on a harsher tone before bursting into giggles. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist~"

    Look at what? WAIT, WHAT WAS HE DOING. Entering the refrigerator like that, it was a wonder he didn't get stuck in there! And not just because of his size, but because, oh, maybe the door might close on him and trap him inside? And in the dark? It's one of the first things you learn as a kid. Never hide in the refrigerator, the washing machine or the oven!

    "Alright, Senior Coolstuff, let's check the rest of the place out before you give me another heart-attack." She nudged him towards the stairs and checked the floor plans again. "And I bet you lunch that the downstairs was the worst!" Nothing could be topped by the dining room, nothing.

    Upstairs, the only rooms they had to check were the bathroom and the bedroom. Jo decided to check out the bathroom first, and the first thing that came into her mind was that she'd definitely feel awkward being naked in this room.

    "...Okay, moving along!"

    The guest bedroom was simple and practically unadorned save for a lace-made bed with a matching dresser. The master bedroom on the other hand was much better-looking than the rest of the house. Jo didn't know what to think of the skinny statue, but the rest of it looked pretty nice and comfortable to spend time in.
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Thu Jul 28, 2011 3:43 am

    "NOT X'IT!" Was the first thing that riled Zurg up. The second thing that rolled his knickers into a twist was, well, you can take a good guess now, can't you?

    Up the stairs they went, into the bathroom, and the tub thus claimed. He stepped both feet in it like a great big cat, walked around in a static circle and curled up within the polished porcelain. Ahhhh, even his legs could fully outstretch and he reclined back with arms draping over the edges. "Finally..." Zurg sighed happily, sinking into it and his voice becoming silenced just a tad. "A tub that can actually fit my size... Oh, this is wonderful. How come the house can't be just as great?" Not like Jo had heard him, however. She was probably too busy inspecting the bedroom. This was his bedroom to put it bluntly. BUT. He better go see what she was doing so she didn't break anything.

    Up, up, up and he was in the master bedroom along with her. Implications? Many. "It's very... bright in here." All this white! Ack! Well, more so ivory but gah! And that statue! Zurg made a face at it and looked away. "There's a naked statue in here... eying the exact location we are standing in right now... I don't know if that's intentional or just... a fetish." And again, too big of windows! What was it going to take, someone sniping him again!? Sheesh!

    The Serviceman pressed his hands into the bed, noting how soft it was, but no fluffy downiness was going to deter his mind. This house was a bust. "The only thing I liked about this place was the purple colouring, and the bathtub. Oh, and the refrigerator. It was quite nice." He then glanced over at Jo who was doing who knew what. "What's your verdict?"


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Thu Jul 28, 2011 3:59 am

    And there he went into the tub just like Jo had figured he'd be doing at every house they went. Look at him, sprawling inside it like a big, fat cat. Too bad he didn't have any fur or whiskers or else Jo would be giving him some proper kitty lovin'. But then again, she could give him plain, old loving without him having to be an actual cat~

    "Alright, mental note. Whatever house we get needs a tub at least eight feet long and four feet wide." Gotta have space if you wanna even use the tub! She left him to his own devices as she inspected the master bedroom, and after a while he followed after her, spotting the self-same creepy statue that she had. "It's a weird statue," Jo agreed, unnerved. Art was pretty strange at times.

    But when she saw Zurg testing how soft the bed was, she just couldn't resist and plopped down on it, laying on her back with her arms spread out. "Ahhh! Now that's what I call soft~" This bed was comfy. Really comfy. She rolled onto her side and felt like curling up in it. "So soft and fluffy~" she cooed.

    Wait, her verdict? She thought about it for a bit. "I only liked a few things here and there. But this house reminds me too much of what my grandparents might have had, if I ever met them and they were rich. I don't even know if they were that well-off. It's not my style!" she finally decided.

    But blast it, this bed's mattress was divine. So soft~
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Thu Jul 28, 2011 4:02 am

    Yep, she didn't like it. He really didn't blame her.

    "Don't get too comfortable." He warned. Why did he have such a mischievous hint in his voice... Oh, because he was suddenly at the side of the bed and lowering his entire body weight without any warning.

    PLOOF!

    Retch went the bed, and up went Jo. Talk about a fatty! Now it was Zurg's turn to admire how soft it was and he took her space, sprawled out and studying the ceiling. Eh, beds. He preferred sleeping on the couch or on the floor. He would never get a human's fascination for sleeping on clouds. But, he will admit it felt rather nice. Helped his aching lower back a little too. "So, did I win the bet, or do I have to cough up lunch?" He asked before lazily yawning. "And where's the next house? Anywhere close?"

    For some reason he felt another bus trip...


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Thu Jul 28, 2011 4:10 am

    Hmm, now why did he sound like he was up to something with that tone of voice...?

    Without warning he jumped on the bed beside her, and she shot into the air for a few brief moments before falling back down and on top of him. She yelped in surprise, then oomphed, then scowled down at Zurg playfully. Look at him, wanting in on the fun and taking her stpo! Jo wondered right then and there if he was at all ticklish... and that tie was right in reach! Eeeee!

    She began to play with his tie and pretended to think about it for a bit, running lazy circles along one of his collarbones with the fingers of her other hand. "I think you need to cough up some lunch, Big Z. You packed us some stuff in that knapsack of yours, right? We can eat on the next bus because we need to head for the suburbs again! But this time we're heading north," she added. It was sometimes nifty, how many districts there were. Portal City was huge!
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Thu Jul 28, 2011 4:15 am

    Yes, he was dastardly. The bed was his and then -- OOF! Suddenly, Jo on his chest and harshly. "Nnnngh... I didn't think my plan all the way through...!" He wheezed. Jo was no lightweight, that's for sure! It was all her combined burritos. Once the brief pain subsided from his body he let out a tired sigh and just... laid there. What was she talking about? Lunch? Suburbs? And ooh, that felt rather nice. With a soothed gurgle from deep within his body the alien stretched and he was just content right where he was. "Can we talk a nap first...?" Zurg was feeling a massive cat nap. Augh, this bed was so soft and Jo was so warm... please say they could take a nap.

    But, knowing Jo, she wanted to eat and when she wanted to eat... The Serviceman wiggled his back into the bed's lumps and he somehow shimmied the traveling pack off and left dangling from an arm. "Snacks are in there... some fruit bars and nuts." He slurred lazily.

    He was just... going to shut his eyes for a moment. Jo wouldn't do anything.

    ....Right?


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Thu Jul 28, 2011 4:34 am

    That was pretty obvious! What goes up must come down, so Jo came down atop him. Serves him right for stealing her spot. But she edged off of his chest a bit so he could breathe until they were both comfy. Hmm, this reminded her of sleeping on the couch with him. And she absolutely loved the way he just gurgled and went limp at her ministrations. A nap did sound nice, but if she napped she'd need two hours. Zurg was the lucky one who only needed ten minutes tops.

    "Alright, we can take a break before catching the bus," she agreed, holding on to him as he wiggled the knapsack free for her. But right now, she wasn't exactly hungry...

    She laid her head against his chest and listened to his steady heartbeat, much slower than the beating of a human heart. He took a breath every now and then, but they were few and far in-between too. She considered rolling off of him to give him some personal space, but she found this rather comfortable. With a small sigh, she held him a little tighter, nuzzling his chest. He smelled so good and it was... different, seeing him like this. So docile and at peace. Just sleeping away all his troubles and worries.

    The mechanic shifted her posture slightly, propping her head up on one of her arms to look down at him. His face was smooth, with no worry lines or anything, but she knew better. She traced her fingers along his cheek, then along his ridge. It was almost funny, how this man had been galactic menace number one back in their galaxy and now she was here, with him, and knew him not for the Evil Emperor Zurg, but simply Zurg. Big Z. X'iita. She had opened herself to him like she had never done to anyone else, and she had the feeling that he'd done the same for her.

    She stuck her hand into a pocket and fiddled around with something. Should she do it now? No, best to save it for the end of this day. She wanted it to be a surprise. So she righted herself again and laid her head atop his chest again, simply settling for tracing her fingers along his skin and kissing him here and there every now and again until he woke up.

    It shouldn't be long now...

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