Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    The Home of Our Dreams

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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Mon Jul 25, 2011 6:06 pm

    If he was the shadow, then that made Jo the person -- the person that sometimes turned off the lights and left the shadow at the mercy to the dark, but; hey, so long as she turned the lights back on then he'd be there to help her out. That is, if she still had a body for him to return to... Sometimes Jo just got herself in the most strange of predicaments.

    And... what? "Why would you like to be on your knees when the floor is dirty, and people walk upon it and stuff..." Clearly someone didn't get the hint, and Zurg just gave her this you're-a-strange-dish look. Alas, she had realized he was stuck right along with him, and he sighed. Of all the days to appear the fool, he had somehow chosen this one. Perfect. His life was a golden poem in which tragedies and comedies were one. Things only took a more hilarious turn when Jo reached out for his wrists and tugged. "Aaaaaauuuugh!" Now what? Zurg let out a pained wheeze, and he resisted. "Ow, ow, ow! Jo, not the wrists and ankles! Never the wrists and ankles!" Due to biological feuds, evolution had ordained that his wrists and ankles be brittle and thinner than most bones in his body. Because of that, any applied pressure there was bound to be uncomfortable and the alien shook his hands in order to alleviate the wrists. Just one of the few things he had to shortchange in order for having much more interesting biological adaptations. Wait, what did she call him?

    "Sweetcheeks?" He repeated with a snort, crossing his arms now. If only so that Jo wouldn't grab at them again. "If I'm Sweetcheeks then you're Puffythighs. Oh, the nerve." The nerve, he said!

    Never one to give up, though, Jo had gotten the bright idea to urge him out where he was stuck. If... only she didn't go at his thighs where he hadn't been expecting any touch today. Or any day, for that matter. With a hissing inhale, the man jolted at the unexpected feel of Jo's hands and he grew quite flustered. "Jo, really!" He cried out as if being accosted. Here came the scolding. "I know you have grabby-hands, but it's not polite to grope me while in such a place!"

    There was a pause. "Bathrooms are dirty, you see." Cue the awkward BLoSC trumpets.

    Oh, this man was a piece of royal work. So bathrooms were dirty, but he didn't mind Jo groping him? Or... was he saying bathrooms were dirty and Jo shouldn't be groping him. You know what, it wasn't even worth the effort trying to solve. It's Zurg.

    As much as Jo tried to muscle her way through, this would require finesse. And we all knew that Zurg was all about finesse. "This isn't working." He said, shaking his head. "You can't move me with those little arms. Why don't you head back to the front and get out the crowbar and oil from my toolkit? Should be on the first layer, next to some power tools. Oh! Beware the stink beetles. I was supposed to eat them for snack, but I forgot. They probably roasted in there due to the heat..." Eeeee! What else did Zurg have in there!?


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Tue Jul 26, 2011 1:47 am

    Nah, she wouldn't leave the shadow at the dark's mercy. She could cuddle with the shadow if it needed cuddles. Don't anyone let you think that Jo was not a generous or grateful person, especially towards her shadow. Her currently stuck shadow who was wedged so tight in this small bathtub that no amounts of tugs or pulls or pushing and prodding could get him loose!

    She could feel how brittle his wrists seemed and immediately apologized. Well, that hadn't worked! She went to Plan B, but that didn't seem to work either, no matter how much of his thigh she grabbed and tried to tug outwards.

    "Puffythighs, eh? Says the one whose thighs are stuck tighter than a victim in a Raenok's jaws!" Those Raenoks and their unruly habit of eating their prisoners at times. It must be nasty for their dental hygiene, absolutely nasty. And she wished this had more implications to it, but she'd have to burst your bubble and admit she got no satisfaction from grabbing at him the way he was stuck like this.

    "It's no good! You're stuck for real!" Maybe Jo should've brought her toolbelt along, but all she really had with her was a wrench in her pocket. But his suggestion was the only thing she could think of as an alternative, so she nodded and went back to the front of the house where he'd left his toolkit by the door. Ew, stink beetles, by the way! Jo sure hoped they hadn't gone bad. She also hoped they weren't fresh.

    Locating his toolkit, she pried it open, spotting some alien-looking power tools, a regular-looking crowbar, and some oil. She also noticed the stink beetles and they reeked! They were large and fat and overturned on their backs, a leg or two still twitching. Had they been roasted alive by the heat? Cosmos!

    She grabbed the oil and crowbar, shutting the toolkit quickly to keep the stink bug smell from being too overpowering. Yuck! "Got them! Shall we apply the lube to the crowbar before insertion?" she called, walking down the hallway with a giggle.

    Forgive the RPer for it was late and she was still on a dirty joke kick. She has no excuse for her behavior, really.
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:11 am

    Oh, no excuse at all.

    He just sat there like a great, unhappy lump of grumpy purple while Jo went off to fetch what he had asked. Maybe he should have also warned her about some other questionable foodstuffs, but that was privy information! If Zurg heard a scream, then she found out. If not, no reason to mention a thing. "My thighs aren't that big..." The Serviceman mumbled irritably, even going so far as to feel one. Well, maybe a tad rotund, but he had been jogging these past few early mornings! Perhaps he should lay off the worms?

    Ewww! "And I don't have lube in there! If I wanted a zesty snack I'd put in organic lotion!" Another missed joke.

    While the mechanic was out and away, this left the alien to look around and admire -- if you can call it that -- his surroundings. Now, the bathroom was nothing too awful, mind you, but there was something about it that bothered him. Never mind the tiny tub. This mysterious detail took him a while, but when he found it, he gasped. "This bathroom has a mirror, and it's facing the toilet!" Okay? What was the big deal about that? "I must take it down immediately." But if he was stuck, then how was he going to do -- and then Zurg got up; got up and walked right on over towards that mirror to take it down. Yes, sir! He took it down carefully and set it aside, nodding to himself with triumphant pride. "Now this bathroom is 100% Zurg approved, if I may say so."

    Footsteps could be heard from down the hall and he looked over towards the open door as Jo came into view. "Oh, Jo! You got the oil and crowbar!" Just like he asked. Now she could apply it and get... him.... out....... The thought suddenly donned upon him and Zurg glanced back at the tub and then back at her. "Riiiiiiiiight. You retrieved the oil and crowbar because I was stuck."

    Oh, how these awkward pauses were just... awkward.

    "Guess that... solves that, then! Marvelous." Zurg clapped his hands together, producing a loud ringing, and he smiled with a slight guilty look in his eye. "I know what you're thinking: I... even amaze myself. Now, shall we go see what else is in store, or are you finished?" Knowing Jo, she probably wanted to hit him with that crowbar.


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:27 am

    Lucky for him Jo didn't hear that. No more dirty jokes would be made in the meantime. What a shame.

    But by the time the mechanic got back to the bathroom, with the bottle of oil in one hand and the crowbar in another, something was decidedly different. "Sure did! Got 'em right here. Now let's get you -- wait a parsec." What was wrong with this picture? The mirror was facing the other way, Zurg right in front of it, and the tub was Zurg-free.

    It also dawned on Zurg too, and all Jo could really do was just give him this look that meant she wasn't exactly thrilled with his performance. "Really? All it took to get you out of there was to flip around a mirror?" Talk about being self-conscious!

    She handed over the crowbar and oil and set the mirror right again. Okay, it hadn't sustained any damage. Imagine if it cracked! They'd have to pay for any damage done even if they wouldn't be purchasing the house! "At least you got out! Guess you aren't so fat after all, huh?"

    Now, they could see the rest of the place, there was only an upstairs left, but it seemed that the tub fiasco had sealed the deal. If Zurg wasn't comfortable in the tub there was really no point in inspecting this house further, was there? Jo didn't get the vibe she was looking for either.

    "I think I've seen enough. This isn't really what I'm looking for. Do you want to try another house around here?" Did she even have any houses in the same suburbs on her list? She pried open the manila folder and inspected it over the bridge of her nose.
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:38 am

    Dat look. Well, he had it coming so no use arguing there. He did, however, make a fuss when Jo placed the mirror back up. "Hey, what are you doing!?" The Serviceman promptly stepped out of the mirror's reflective path and lingered in the hall, disturbed. "You don't put mirrors in bathrooms! What's wrong with you humans?" Oh, this must be another alien quirk of his. Mirrors in bathrooms? Never heard of that one before apparently. At being subtly called fat, he scowled and rolled his eyes, already heading for the rest of the house.

    "We're already here, Jo, so let's see what else this place has." If only to satisfy his snooping craze and to inspect everything. He was rather nosy like that, like Kev. But, if Jo insisted then he would be out and ready for the next house. Her time, after all.

    Hm, Zurg wondered if this house had an attic... He always wanted to see what an attic looked like.


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:58 am

    "Of course you put mirrors in bathrooms! How else will humans groom themselves properly?" This was another one of those alien quirks, wasn't it? He already had a big quirk with mirrors regardless of what his people did or didn't do. Say, what did his people do with mirrors? "Why, where did your people put mirrors in the house?" It didn't hurt to ask something like that, did it?

    He had a point. They might as well see the rest of the place, at least the bedrooms, so they could get an idea of how they were supposed to look like and what they were looking for in terms of space and design. "Okay. From what I read, it's got a bathroom, three bedrooms, and a closet." Not too shabby, actually. One room for her, one for Proxy, and another for any guests. Unless they converted one of the rooms into something else.

    She climbed up the stairs, reaching the top floor. It even had some space for more furniture up here before leading off to the other rooms. The smallest of the three rooms only had one window and felt cramped and closed in. The second was bigger and had more windows, but had a sudden corner jutting out of one side of the walls that Jo didn't really fancy. The third was more attuned to her tastes, with two windows overlooking the backyard. And lastly, the bathroom was connected to this last bedroom, complete with two sinks, a toilet, a bathtub and a shower. The last bedroom was also connected to the rumored closet, and the first thing Jo blurted out was, "I don't have nearly enough clothes to even fill this closet!" Sure, she had a good number of clothes, but not that many.
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:09 am

    Of course asking him a question about his culture wasn't off limits! But he did give her a flat look that spoke a thousand words before he added -- "We didn't use mirrors. That was considered vain." Oh, well, the more you know! Mirrors were considered vain. How did you feel about that, Jo, human woman?

    Questing up the stairs and seeing what the house brought, Zurg preferred the spaciousness to the second floor than the first. Still too many open windows, but it was easier to duck and cover up here. And the carpet felt rather nice, at least. As for the rooms? The Serviceman actually admired the smallest room to the rest; the rest were quite generous for living habits, but the small reached out to him as if to say: remember the yurt you shared with ten people? He made a small noise in his throat, much like a human preparing a fat loogie.

    Fun times, fun times.

    The rest was just a breeze from then on in until, naturally, he spotted the second bathroom. You know what he did next? Like a cat with boxes and new, tight places yet to be explored... he went on over towards the tub, sat within it, and looked up at Jo. Deja vu. "Why are human tubs so tiny? Do you not know how to properly bathe?" Okay, clearly someone over here who won't be named was just on a streak to day. Snorting and thankfully not stuck this time, he got back out and covered the last portion of the house: the closet. And you know he had something to say once Jo made that remark.

    "I know what's missing from this picture." What did she mean she didn't have that many clothes? He practically washed them all by hand! She had tons! That woman. Not bothering to let Jo answer, Zurg went into the closet and turned around to face her. "Cockroaches~!"

    Yes, it was time to go. This clearly wasn't what Jo was looking for, and he agreed.


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:19 am

    "But then how did you see your reflections to... prune your horns or brush your teeth?" That look made her feel like she was intruding on territory that was off-limits, but she found the lack of mirrors mind-boggling. What if you had something stuck in your teeth? How'd you get it out if you couldn't see it? Jo remembered having a bit of food stuck between her teeth once and thought she'd gotten rid of it only to find it still there when she got home one night and finally looked in the mirror. At least she hadn't smiled too much that day.

    But the explored the top rooms, far more spacious than the ones below. Zurg sounded like he had a frog stuck in his throat once, but Jo didn't comment on it. She found it hard to resist commenting on him sitting in the tub... again! "This is going to be a habit, isn't it?" she observed, crossing her arms over her chest, the corners of her lips twitching as she resisted the urge to grin.

    But he got up in due time (at least he didn't get stuck this time) and they made their way to the closet. And you know what Jo had to say to Zurg's cocky roach comment? "Better be careful about those! Maybe you'll find one of those suckers in your food since you like eating bugs so much!"

    Yes, today was a fun day, but their search was far from over. It was time for the next stop!
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:28 am

    How did he prune and brush? Zurg shrugged and gurgled a noise very related to I dunno. "When it was time to prune and brush, you just... knew. There were no mirrors needed for it; you just knew." Pruning one's horns commonly came during the winter, and brushing one's teeth -- pseudo-teeth, as they were -- came during the night after you had eaten for the day. Technically, though, the pseudo-teeth did not collect foot particles and the true teeth in his mouth was the set that required brushing. A person who rarely ate would only need to brush once a week, even! It sometime depended on your breath, as well. Seemed humans needed things to hold their hands. Awww, poor Jo~! Loving his life, however, he didn't tease her.

    Well, until the bathroom. "I like to inspect my bathrooms thoroughly." The alien huffed. "As a place of filth and grooming, it must be done! No buts or ifs! Must be done." Did he ever tell Jo that he didn't like germs or cooties, as he called them? Well, now she know just by seeing his actions regarding restrooms.

    As for Jo's reply back in the closet, the last area of the house... He thought over what she had said as if he were seriously contemplating eating a cockroach before he finally shook his head. "Nah. The cockroaches back on my world used to burrow out of your stomach and lay eggs in your muscle walls. They weren't even that tasty for the risk." Like she needed to know that.

    This house at last finished, Zurg lead the way back down towards the front hall, picked up his tools and opened the door for Jo. Sunlight poured in, the alien momentarily blinded, but he tried to brave it as best he could. Wretched yellow day star. "After you, Jo. You know where the second place on our stop is, after all. Right? .....Right." Just checking, because you never know... Jo was terrible with directions.


    Last edited by Serviceman Zurg on Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:41 am; edited 1 time in total


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:41 am

    Phooey, aliens had all the good stuff and humans were left in the rear to follow behind like dumb, senseless animals. Just knew... humans didn't "just know" things like that! Evolution, why'd you show such discrimination!? And hah, here he was talking about grooming and he was also admitting he needed no aid for it. Why were things so backwards like that at times?

    At that cockroach thing, she just stared at him. Like, really stared, all wide-eyed and everything. Before she began laughing, the sound punctured by snorts as she doubled over and clutched her stomach. Big Z really was a gem. A shiny, one-of-a-kind gem. Ah, he always made her laugh, rain or shine. It was nice to laugh like that.

    "Okay! Our next stop is..." She peered down at the map on the leaflet as she climbed down the stairs after Zurg, thanking him as she stepped outside and into the bright sunlight again. "Latency Lane! That's like a ten-minute walk from here. Shall we go?" She offered her arm to him with a broad smile.

    She knew some directions! Some, if she had a map.
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:53 am

    Yes, evolution liked to mess with creatures, but Jo shouldn't be complaining! She could eat sugar, cool down, enjoy superior tastebuds, and mess with her very own hair. Zurg? All he did was gain heat and just did ventriloquist acts. It was nothing special save for the fact that he could hold his breath for hours on end. Nothing special.

    Her laughing only got him to cross his arms, and he narrowed his eyes. "You find that funny, do you? You find it funny that I eat different things? Well." Snorting was starting to become a favourite pastime with him. "I don't say anything when you eat dairy products or a glass of milk when, technically, you're still consuming from a teat while still an adult." Because, you know, most mammals these days stopped drinking their mother's milk once they were of age to eat things for themselves. The way humans clung to the stuff was just unnatural...

    Moving on along, they were finally outside and searching for the other house. Which... was not too far. Why did Jo plan it like that? Hopefully it wasn't another cookie-cutter box that looked big on the outside but lacked much on the inside. And no beige! Please, no beige! When he went back to Planet Z he was going to ban the colour! "Let us go." Arm around his, they started to mosey on down the sidewalk, and he looked around as he normally did. Observing was just something he did. As an alien who had not grown up or been introduced to this style of living, it was quite strange to see... front yards. And back yards. It was also strange to live so spaciously with houses having some room in-between. He was much more used to apartment style living. Think Kowloon Walled City.

    All this space was just a luxury to him.

    "So, what did you think about the first house, Jo? Anything you liked or didn't like?" He asked her in passing. Hey, they had ten minutes. You could do a lot with ten minutes like... walking, talking, breathing. Yes.

    What, did you think something else? Oh, how naughty. Does your mother know you think like that?


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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Tue Jul 26, 2011 4:12 am

    She nodded breathlessly, clearing hr throat. Oh, but laughing like that sure felt good. And that was a low blow, all humans did it! But Jo had a comeback for that. "Hey, that's milk from moozles and it's very nutritious. It helps keep your bones strong!" She even flexed her arms for him so he could "see" just how strong her "bones" were. Oh, wasn't he quite the spoiled one, getting such a show~!

    But outside, Jo's curiosity was getting the better of her as she tried to take in all of her surroundings at the same time. She wasn't used to all the front lawns and the roomy houses, which was a privilege only open to the rich back where she was from. She almost felt out of place out here, like she was trespassing in an area she wasn't allowed in and someone would come up to them and tell them they weren't allowed to roam around here anymore.

    "Hmmmm." She thought about Zurg's question for a bit before finally settling on an answer. "I liked the windows and how it didn't feel like you were boxed up when you were in the big rooms. Upstairs and the kitchen weren't too bad either, but on a whole, I think that house was a bust."

    Despite Jo's fears and despite the ample naughty things you could do in ten minutes, no such person appeared, and after then minutes or so they reached Latency Lane, which was similar to Application Avenue. The houses here were thankfully not beige, and they finally came to a stop in front of one of the houses, the next one on Jo's list. It was a pale blue, almost white, with blue shingles and another garage.

    "Now this is more like it," Jo said, admiring the shade. She felt a small twinge, which meant they were on the right track. But would this be the house of their dreams? They'd have to enter and find out, but first impressions were very important. "What do you think, Big Z? Does it have more personality than the first house?"
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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Tue Jul 26, 2011 4:27 am

    "Mmm..." Can't say he was too impressed with Jo's showing off, seeing as how Darkmatter had consistently did the gun show routine many moons over. "Yes, that's very nice, Jo." If he were a Raenok he would have admired her display of confidence, but as it were... he was more civilized than that and the alien was just the wrong alien. The woman probably had more testosterone than him, too. That would explain all the lip hair.

    Ever so polite, he didn't voice a word and instead listened as Jo spoke her mind. The kitchen was nice, he agreed, but all those windows? "I personally like that cramped feeling. Reminds me of home. Some areas in the house were much too open for my liking." He was relieved that she felt it was a bust, and if push ever came to shove... she could always let him live in a closet like some horned boogieman. Hey, he'd make that closet look like the best room in the entire house! And it'd be up to housing code.

    Approaching the second house on her list and the ten minute walk at an end, the first thing Zurg wasn't a remark, but... His eyes immediately fixated on the house and he covered them, once in awhile peeking through some brave fingers. "That is so bright...!" He squeaked. Oh, would you just look at how the sunlight reflected off the colouring!? It was blinding him! Goodness gracious, he didn't like the beige, yes, but this wasn't much better, either! How come Jo couldn't pick sensible hues and shades!? He was the colourblind one, not her! Now, Jo had to understand that Zurg was going to speak his mind and that he wasn't already set out to crush her heart. He was just experiencing an ocular attacked, that's all.

    "Jo, my dear." He said through covered eyes, that hand upon his face still. "It's much better than your first choice, but you do realize that some of us have a low colour tolerance? I think it's best we get inside as quickly as possible. Just a friendly suggestion."

    And so he could cry out the burning sensation plaguing his retinas.


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    Location : 4224 Monitor Lane
    Level : 60

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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Tue Jul 26, 2011 4:53 am

    Oh, that was the complete opposite of her. After living in such cramped places on Tradeworld and at the inn, the mechanic was ready to spread her wings and look for something a little more roomy. Not too much, mind you, but just enough where she didn't go from one side of the room to the other in just two steps. But it seemed Zurg might be having a problem with windows in the future. She'd have to remember that for the next houses.

    And speaking of next houses, this very next house brought up a strange reaction in Zurg. He immediately covered his eyes, remarking how bright it was. She knew he had a problem with some colors, but she hadn't known that the problem extended this far. "Oh, I'm so sorry! Yeah, let's get inside as fast as we can."

    She led him by the elbow up the steps and inside, the house thankfully being unlocked again just like the previous one. But before they could observe anything than the front hall, Jo made sure to give the interior a quick once-over just in case anything else might aggravate Zurg.

    "Are you okay now, Big Z? I'm sorry about all these colors..." It seemed like Jo really had no luck with picking and choosing them today! "What colors hurt your eyes? Maybe we can avoid some white houses in the future."
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    Zurg
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    Posts : 5595
    Join date : 2009-05-07
    Age : 261
    Location : Portal Breach
    Level : 60

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    Re: The Home of Our Dreams

    Post by Zurg on Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:00 am

    At least Jo didn't manage to get them lost as of the moment, and they were soon inside. Whew! Talk about an adventure. He thought for sure Jo was going to get them lost in the *ahem* tall grass -- the front lawn. Now, let us see this front hall...

    Sensing that they were away from bright things, the alien lowered his hand and was... pleasantly surprised. "Hmm!" Note the interested sound. "Yes, yes... Not too fancy, not to plain... Some colour... Personality over here..." There was a hue of baby blue next to the beige -- ugh, that beige was like a stain -- but he paid it no mind since another colour was around to complement it. There were stairs again, going with Jo's two-story theme, and the Serviceman rather liked the feel of space. It wasn't too roomy and it wasn't too cramped. It was almost just right, and the bookcase gave it some flavour! Yes, Jo's second house was already doing much better and Zurg felt like he was in a comfortable element.

    The big baby.

    "No need to apologize, Jo." He stated with a grin, going this way and that and just being a general snooper. Hey, he liked to see things, okay? "We're out here for you, remember? If you choose a bright house I can always wear... glasses, I guess. Something like that. Life favours those who can adapt!" He stated again whilst holding up a finger. Now... what else could he find here?


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