Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

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    Zurg
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sun Feb 20, 2011 11:19 pm

    Huh. This was all news to the pleasantly plump minion and the Chef took a while to discern the information. No, it was not a gossip, but boy was this some juicy material. "It vould seem..." Chef started slowly, rubbing its chin with a most pensive hand. "...zat you and ze Evil Emperor are close. Per'aps closer zan I realized. Zis can only mean one zing..."

    And this one thing was the darnedest thing Jo would ever see on Planet Z.

    "Did you two do ze kissy-kissy~?" Chef smiled broadly, kissing the air as best it could. The moment was so ridiculous that its kisses even left little heart shapes in the air! What was this, madness!? Curse you, cartoon physics!


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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Feb 20, 2011 11:53 pm

    "Sure we're close!" Jo grinned, finally placing the food cube on a plate. "As close as a Jo-Adian is to bunzel!" And that was pretty close, mind you all.

    But Jo definitely wasn't prepared for what the chef asked her next. "Kissy-kissy?!" She went beet-red. "We haven't--that's none of your bunzel beeswax!" Why did everyone always ask about that aspect of their relationship?!

    "I mean...." She calmed down a bit, realizing that she might have sounded offensive. "I'd rather not answer that question. Besides, Zurg can't even kiss." As if that amounted to anything, but she decided to just toss it in. For extra credits and all.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:30 am

    Oh, like a Jo-Adian to bunzel. My, that was close. And her reaction was almost frightening! In the classic grub reaction Chef cowered and shielded its face with a pot, peeking nervously from underneath it. "I see, I see! I did not mean to intrude!" It squeaked, hoping she would calm down and have mercy.

    Chef was so spooked that it may get vapourized that the poor minion wasn't going to comment on the subject further. It just gave a shaky laugh and gulped. "V-Vell, look at ze time~!" Here came the excuse. "You better be going, yes? I imagine you 'ave much to see of Planet Z, ze most evil planet in ze gamma! Yes, yes. A busy schedule for you; don't vant to vaste it all 'ere, hmm?"

    Please say she'd leave. Bad, painful things followed her!

    ((Ack, I am sorry, Jo! I forgot to say thank you for wishing me a happy 4000 posts! Or... did I already thank you. My mind is gone today.))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:48 am

    Jo didn't have a watch on her, but she knew she had lingered for far too long. "Yeah, I should probably go. Thanks for having me here and putting my cooking skills to shame. Enjoy the pancakes or feed them to Coco!"

    She gave the Chef one last pat on the shoulder, then grabbed her cube and left the kitchen. The line was much smaller now and the cafeteria almost full.

    Could she even find a seat now?

    (( No, you didn't, but that's okay. You're welcome! ))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:53 am

    Of course she could find a seat! Despite most minions cramming food down whatever orifices they had, there were plenty seats available. Take the one near the garbage compactor, for instance. Noisy, yes, but also remote and away from chattery grubs or nosy brain pods! Or, oh, why not the seat near the Hornet post? Sure, the robots didn't talk habitually, but they would ensure she was safe. And if neither sounded particularly chummy, there was always the seat closest to the sealed door at the far side.

    No minion would sit near it, of course. Why, how could they? Any door with a big, bold Z equated pain and misery and thus, they did not dare approach. What lurked beyond was anyone's guess, but all minions knew one thing: it was bad.

    Now that Jo had three options, let it be known that there was a fourth. If she didn't like either of those choices, as who could blame her, there was a seat in the midst of a batch of grubs. They seemed to be content chatting away, however, sniffing the rare finds of other grubs and gossiping elaborate stories. Such exaggerators grubs were!


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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Mon Feb 21, 2011 1:05 am

    Jo grabbed a tray and placed her cube on it, selecting a couple more as she passed by to sustain her. She looked around the cafeteria then, examining her options. She could either sit by the trash compactor, the Hornets, a large door with a large Z emblem on it, or the ever popular seat between some babbling minions.

    Well, Jo wasn't eager to mime things with robots, develop a headache from too much noise, or be branded more important or special from the others by sitting by the big, evil door. So she made her way to the midst of babbling grubs and sat in the free seat.

    "Hi, guys! How's it chillin'? Enjoying your cubes?" She took another one, the hash brown cube, and nibbled. Mmmm, this was actually better than the other times. Poor Chef, he really did try to make things better. Jo made a mental note to prepare something for him in thanks later. She would have to ask Zurg whether Chef liked anything in particular besides food.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Mon Feb 21, 2011 1:37 am

    Now there was a sight.

    The grubs hushed up almost instantly, the silence startling, when Jo came to sit beside them. They stared, and they stared, and they stared. Not a peep, not a sound, not even a murmur off from the side. It was deathly quiet, and none dared to speak at this... outsider amidst their tightly-knit group.

    And then there was 68.

    "It's cool, she's a girl and smelly, like us."

    The awkward grub's recommendation for Jo spoke volumes and while a second ago the grubs had been silent they were now extremely talkative and chummy. In fact, they treated her like one of their own at this point, talking about this and that! Of course, Jo being the outsider here, she wouldn't have understood a thing they said as most of it was too fast-paced or coded in clicks and slang.

    Would she be brave and step up to the plate, asking a question and having her voice heard?
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Mon Feb 21, 2011 2:23 am

    At first, everything was quiet. But when 68 spoke up they all started to talk together all at once. They seemed to accept her sure, but Jo had no idea what they were even saying! She didn't say anything for a bit, breaking the cubes into manageable pieces and popping them into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully.

    As she listened to them chatter, she felt that something was missing. Sure, they seemed happy and chatty, but they still lived under a shadow and seemed rather.... wimpy? Jo wondered whether that was because of Zurg or an inherent thing all grubs had. They seemed to have different personalities just like people, though, so that probably meant that some were smarter than others. Maybe they needed something to relax and enjoy themselves with. Maybe they needed something like....

    "Hey, which one of you likes music here?"
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:14 am

    ....What?

    It became deathly quiet again and the grubs slowly turned their heads to her, confused. "Mu... sic...?" 68's antennas twitched. "What is... mu... sic...?"

    If that didn't help the situation a snooping brain pod craned its capsule to overhear, and it pried. "I don't mean to bother you..." The one known as 33 spoke up. "But music isn't really... allowed here. That said, I like jazz!"

    "And I like classical!" Another brain pod cheered in.

    "Me, opera!"

    "Rock!"

    "Deep space bass!"

    "YODELING!"

    Soon the entire cafeteria was once again awash with loud chatting, and the Hornets started to crackle their prods menacingly. However, since no one was fighting and gathering into large groups, it would seem they could only remain menacing! Jo was starting music revolution!


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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:31 am

    "You guys really don't have much in the form of entertainment, do you?" Jo asked, resting her chin on her hand. Craters, Zurg had them all wound tighter than a a metal coil. At least the brain pods knew more than the grubs, but that meant that they had to be educated!

    "Tell you what, guys!" she started brightly, reaching for her toolbelt. "How about I find us a music channel to get us into the groove for some boogie? And before you guys ask me how we'll manage that, I'll show you!" Jo could make anything if she had enough materials, after all. And make something for them, she would!

    She took out a set of earplugs she had that she used to chat with Proxy every evening. She snipped the end off and revealed two thin wires, which she tied around a hairpin she was using to support one of her jumpsuit straps.

    "Hold still, now," she instructed the grub next to her, carefully wrapping the end of the hairpin around one of its antennae. Once she had secured it, she connected the end of the cable to her PDA and turned it on.

    After a little (and a few adjustments to the grub's antennae) sound filled the cafeteria. It was a fast, upbeat tune, and the mechanic smiled. "Success! Our very own portable radio! Now time to let those grubby feet of yours groove to the music and dance!"

    (( I was thinking that they could dance to the music that plays here at 1:03. Too bad they never released a soundtrack, but I always figured this was Cosmo's Theme. XD ))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:47 am

    What? Produce music? On Planet Z?

    That certainly got the minions to murmur amongst themselves, unsure and cautious. Wasn't Planet Z radio-free? Had not their master explicitly stated that music of any kind was banned? That enjoying one's time was a crime and that their sole purpose was to work in the name of evil and nothing else? But most importantly will this bring them immense, excruciating pain?

    "I dunno." Brain pod 12 shrugged. "It sounds like a fine idea. It's not like Flat-Face can hear through these walls, right?"

    But a grub, 91, disagreed. "His Evilness can hear eeeeverywhere. It's true. One time, down in maintenance, we were talking about him when he had contracted an illness from the main world. 20 and I were sent to laundry duty for a week!" It squeaked, the other grubs shivering at the mere mentioning of laundry.

    Laaaaaundry!

    But despite the level of uncertainty with the minions Jo had gone ahead with her plan to create *gasp* happiness and fun on Planet Z. Woman was going to get yelled at, but what can you do? Grub-113 was selected, gulping, and it trembled as the girl conducted her vile, cruel experiment. It hadn't taken more than a minute, and then...

    ....Music.

    The sound was so foreign, so outlandish, that the minions recoiled away from 113 in fright. Was this allowed!? Would he hear!? Could this endanger them all!?

    "Hey, guys, look!" Grub-113 suddenly broke out into dance, swinging its hips and swaying its hands overhead. "I'm dancing, and I'm still alive! It's safe! C'mon!"

    And thus, the seed of was planted.

    With nods all around and happier mumbling the minions slowly but surely began to partake in the dancing. Brain pods twirled their fellow intellectuals, grubs did their conga lines, and a few even mingled and danced with each other. It was utter pandemonium on Planet Z! Right was left, up was down, and pink was purple! Even the Hornets were doing the Robot! The Robot! And through all the commotion Chef came out, wiping its hands upon its apron, and watched with mandible agape.

    Oh, no. This was bad. Actual social events on Planet Z! Unregulated! Chef scampered behind something and remained there, quaking. It knew better.

    But they didn't.

    They can enjoy their fun. For now...

    ((Ohoho, but they DID release a soundtrack! Somewhat. And yes, alas this song is not on it. Shame, really. An excellent choice!))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:56 am

    Pleased, Jo grabbed one of her last cubes and stuffed it into her mouth before she jumped up on a table and began to dance too. Not that she could dance all that well, but what mattered was the motions of the ocean and the swaying of the hips and the bumping of the butt.... or whatever it was they all did for dancing. She jumped up and down the table, doing a spin as she jumped down from it.

    They were all having a blast! Even the Hornets had joined in on the fun! Jo spotted Chef come out, then drop down behind a counter, and a most evil idea came to her then. She ran over to him and grabbed his grubby little hand. "Come on, Chef! Let's dance!" She pulled him up and twirled him around, twirling him straight into a brain pod. "It'll be fun!"

    She grabbed another brain pod and danced along with it, then another, and then a grub. And you know what? She was liking the idea of dancing more and more. She laughed and even shared a dance with the Hornet, trying to pull off the Robot herself.

    No one could spoil their fun, right?

    (( They did?! Craters, I never even heard of that! But that sucks, I wish the soundtrack had all the songs. You'll have to tell me more about it sometime. And thank you! ))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Mon Feb 21, 2011 4:12 am

    Oh, and just when it couldn't possibly get worse... it got worse.

    "No! No, I do not vant to dance!" But Chef's refusals were on deaf ears and the rotund little sucker was swept off its feet and handled like a salad! Through all its cries and pleading the girl had taken it for an unwanted spin and it twirled right smack into a brain pod; which, in turn, danced with Chef like raving mad.

    Madness! Absolute and total madness!

    "Hey, who wants party hats!?" A grub shouted with a wide smile.

    Cheers were everywhere and party hats were passed out, along with streamers, confetti, and noise makers! It was a regular hootenanny! Everyone was having such a great time -- laughter, joyful cries, and clapping filled the air. Music was such a great thing! Why had they allowed him to ban it? How could they function without such a thing? Why this? What that? How come?

    Such dangerous thoughts were not wanted in a productive minion, for free thinking created educated minds. And educated minds were not useful to an evil overlord.

    And speaking of evil overlords. You remember that nasty, scary door in the back? The spooky one with the Z? You knew this was coming, dear reader. And you probably wished for it.

    Well, wish granted.

    Hearing all the commotion from two levels and up, the Evil Emperor Zurg had abruptly halted all his current doings and took a short-cut. He was only allowed to use it, of course, and as he made his way closer to the mess hall the sound of... glee and hope filled his horns. Now, dear reader, was that right in a bastion of total and unshakable evil? Of course not! So watch this carefully and learn.

    As the door in the back whooshed open the Evil Emperor couldn't believe his very, wide eyes. Dancing! His minions were dancing! They were all dancing! Brain pods, grubs, Hornets; all of them! And was that music!? A piece of confetti landed upon his plated shoulder and with a furious hand he reached up and crushed it. Oooh, he was mad.

    "What, is the meaning of THIS!?" Zurg shouted at the top of his lungs.

    And to make matters worse, his eyes flared a brilliant crimson and all the party hats, all the streamers, all the confetti, noise makers, and shred of joy was evaporated into one glorious, unified--

    *Poof!*

    No more dancing, no more music, no more anything.

    But it didn't stop there.

    "You no good, lazy, ungrateful HALFWITS!" The Evil Emperor snatched a nearby brain pod by its neck cable and throttled it mercilessly. "I turn around to leave you unsupervised and you go and DANCE!? On MY time!?" He screamed at the thing before tossing it aside into a shrieking pile of grubs. Not finished yet, Zurg stormed through the parting sea of yelping fools and he found the source of the trouble: Grub-113. And the poor thing was still dancing, the music too loud for it to hear the Evil Emperor's footfalls.

    Ohoho, but it did see the black, horned shadow drape over its body and with a surprised yell Grub-113 spun around and cowered.

    "Ah, how quaint~!" Zurg feigned a smile, holding up a pinkie. "I see you've used your talents to make a little radio. Know what I have to say, hmm~?"

    The grub shook its head, knees and elbows rattling.

    "No~?" That's when the Evil Emperor flipped. "THAT YOU SHOULD BE USING YOUR TALENTS FOR SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE!" He lifted up an index finger and let electricity surge through it, its glow casting a wicked light upon everything within the chamber as the Evil Emperor inched it closer to the groveling minion. Minions all around covered their auditory organs and sensors at the high-pitched whine and they looked on in absolute fear. This was the Evil Emperor they knew. Jo knew a completely different one!

    "You want to dance~?" Zurg whispered, his grin now a full-blown horn-to-horn smile. "Then dance."

    If no one stepped in, this grub was going to get it good!

    ((They did! 28 tracks, I believe. 29 if you count the unofficial track from Torque's Armada, and you're welcome!))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Mon Feb 21, 2011 4:25 am

    Jo had been having a blast, putting on a party hat and grabbing a noise maker as she tossed confetti into the air. Finally, the dreary place that was Planet Z was starting to lighten up! It was about time that these grubs and brain pods learned the true meaning of fun.

    But like all things, it did not last. There was suddenly a very loud and very familiar voice and everything evaporated into soot. Startled, Jo looked around to see none other than Zurg. But he was very different from the Zurg she was used to seeing. This was the Evil Emperor, and cosmos was he mad. She gulped, reminded for the second time that day of their rocky start, as she saw him find Grub-113 who had her makeshift radio still on him.

    And he thought the grub was responsible!

    As he lifted that cruel finger with that sphere of electricity ready to fry the poor sucker on the stop, she cried, "Big Z! Stop!" running and pushing through the minions. Once she had made it to the front of the crowd, she instantly ran in front of Grub-113 and stood before it protectively.

    "I made the radio," she explained. "I thought that I could cheer the minions up a bit with a little music. It's my fault. He shouldn't be punished for something I did."

    She had to admit that she was actually a little afraid right now, but she could't let 113 take the blame and hurt when it wasn't even his fault to begin with! No, like we had said before, Jo was not a dishonest person. If she was the one to blame, she would take the blame and whatever punishment came along with it.

    (( Those are a lot of tracks! I wish I had the soundtrack! And do your worst! Jo's a tough girl~ ))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Mon Feb 21, 2011 4:37 am

    Now, before anyone jumps the shark, it should be stated that Zurg wasn't an unreasonable fellow. On the contrary, he was actually quite open for discussion. But it just so happened that he was mad, and when he was mad he just didn't see straight. A common trait in most people, yes? So, that said, the wrath in his eyes and the creasing of his teeth to form a smile were put on hold as Jo--Jo!--stepped forth.

    And she apparently had a very startling and troubling confession.

    She had instigated all this. The dancing, the music, the happiness. She had disrupted his carefully controlled work environment. No. No, that was impossible. And Zurg wasn't going to believe it. He wasn't, he won't! But... he had lowered his finger nonetheless, caught off his guard.

    "....You?" Everyone in that hall could hear the shock in his voice, the previous air of dominance stripped. He now sounded vulnerable, meek, mortal. "No. No, no, no." The Evil Emperor put on a small chuckle and waved a hand carelessly. "I see what you're doing. You're sticking up for the little stinker, aren't you? For a second there I almost thought you did start this. Silly me!"

    Drawing his conclusion the Evil Emperor picked up his finger and let it spark one more time. "But I'm afraid your tactic won't work, Jo. Not this time. Now, please kindly step aside while I administer social control. Maintaining dominance over minions is very rudimentary to running an evil empire."

    Was he in denial.

    Brain pods and grubs that were NOT 113 watched in silent apprehension as something was about to go down, and Chef could only shake its head. This was why one didn't disrupt the pecking order of Planet Z.

    ((Dohoho, I plan on it.))

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