Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

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    Jo Pistonne
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:56 am

    Suffice to say, Jo was stumped. She was in awe at all the robots, the mechanic in her silently giddy, as she watched each robot, listening to their explanations, making sure not to step in the way of any conveyor belts. The kitchen was massive! She had no idea how she'd fix something up just for herself when clearly each robotic device was made to cook for hundreds at the same time.

    "I do, I like it very much," Jo said, doing a circle as she spun in place to get a better look at her surroundings all in one go. But then the chef had to go and ruin it, pestering her about her ample backside again.

    "I don't--I--argh!" That outburst made her feel a little better, so she relaxed, crossing her arms. She smirked and said, "Alright, I will. I'm up for the challenge." She motioned im forwards with her hands. "Bring it on!"

    Let's see if she remembered anything from her cooking lessons with Zurg.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:20 am

    Very promising. Who was Chef to deny the woman her right to boast and stick up for herself? With a might clap of its palms, the kitchen came alive. Several robots pumped themselves, including one that fell from the ceiling. It had descended from seemingly nowhere, the bulk of its body attached to a series of thick tubes and cables, and with its jointed multiple arms it began to set forth necessary components that Jo would need.

    Flour, meal, sugar, salt, and spice were some bags it left for her upon an unused counter. The ingredients were rather bland looking, to be honest, but the best chef could create something gourmet from nothing. To join the robot, another machination came out of the cupboard and laid necessary utensils. Bowls, measuring cups, a laser cutter, and even spatula made their way to the woman and she was set in this department.

    Last but not least, a smaller robot designed like a cart, came rolling through and skidded to a halt before Jo. On its body it carried delicate matters such as eggs, butter, cheese, milk -- perishables that required special handling.

    With basic ingredients, tools, and proper agents ready to go, it appeared Jo had all but the most important object at her disposal: her imagination.

    "You may begin vhen you are ready." Chef practically purred, having a seat upon a stool and crossing its arms to watch. "Show me vhy 'e speaks 'ighly of you."

    ((Holy pulsars, it's raining and I almost fell asleep. Good night, Jo! Hope to finish this later today!))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Feb 20, 2011 1:06 am

    (( Sorry! I would have replied earlier, but I was just too tired last night. XD Here's to finishing this today! And congratulations on reaching 4000 posts! ))

    Robots laid ingredients and utensils out before Jo. She stared at what was available to her, hands on her hips. How could she make something just out of flour, sugar, salt, spices and grain!? There weren't even any eggs or milk or--but her thoughts were cut off when one last robot rolled forwards, with the remaining ingredients on hand. Jo relaxed a little, reminding herself not to jump to conclusions again.

    She scowled at the grub. So, he wanted her to show him what she could make. The comment tossed her way twinged only a little. She wanted to show this grub that just because she didn't like his mush cubes it didn't mean that she wasn't worthy--she quickly cut off that star cruiser of thought and rubbed her hands together. She could do this.

    She grabbed a large bowl and measured a portion of flour into it, adding salt and sugar and mixing it all up. After that, she broke two eggs into the mixture, whisking them and then mixing it all together. While she whisked, she carefully added milk here in there in small portions to make the batter and tried to smooth it out as much as she could.

    Next, she took a measuring cup and grabbed the butter. She cut off a portion of it and dropped it in, putting the cup in the microwave robot--it had a Hornet head as the timer knob--then deposited most of it into the batter, adding the rest to a pan and heating it up. This, too, looked like one of Zurg's robots. And once the pan had heated up, Jo scooped portions of the batter with a ladle and carefully tried to lay them in the pan. She'd use the spatula to try to give them a proper pancake-looking form, then flipped them over a few times.

    And soon, after a few minutes, Jo had about ten or twelve pancakes ready. She killed the fire, put the used utensils to one side to either wash herself as soon as Chef had his say or not and pushed the plate of pancakes forwards.

    "There! Pancakes, a proper breakfast." She crossed her arms and waited to hear his verdict. And she hoped that those pancakes tasted darn good, too.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sun Feb 20, 2011 2:10 am

    And all the while Chef watched with its unblinking, buggy eyes. Ohoho, it knew what the girl was making. Flour, butter, eggs, milk -- the makings of a pancake. A cheap but easily done source of food. Suffice to say, it was not overly impressed but it was impressed that the girl could even turn on a stove. A miracle before its very eyes.

    But now was the time to crush it.

    "Not bad, girl." Chef snorted with its nasally accent. "But not good enough. CHOP, CHOP!"

    Before Jo could even surmise what was going on the Chef had already started to dart around on its stocky legs in a blur of white and sea-green. Machines everywhere were starting to activate and the little guy stole the remainder of Jo's supplies. And with those supplies he had made wonders.

    First, by taking the flour and meal, he poured it into a funnel-like contraption. And in turn this contraption filtered out the ingredients and started the batting process. Eggs and milk were dispensed into their own counterparts and soon enough, everything cycled through a machine; which pumped and churned with a great deal of racket! After about ten minutes of noise, the process had finished. In almost exactly the same time Jo had taken to make 10-12 pancakes Chef had made around 50 cubes. Pancake-flavoured cubes, that is. And because it had made cubes more were able to be produced, cutting down on costs.

    A real go-getter Chef was.

    "So." The minion hopped onto a stool and leaned against the counter, eying Jo confidently. "You going to make over four-hundred pancakes today, or shall ve be using my method." He pointed behind her.

    Behind her were the hungry minions, all of them peering into the kitchen with their curious, confused eyes. Seems the fight had settled down, but they still weren't fed

    Would Jo do the honours?

    ((Today!? Do you know what time it is, woman!? XD Sorry I took so long -- admin issues.))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Feb 20, 2011 2:40 am

    (( It's okay, I can imagine that being an admin's tough work. And I know! It's past midnight here! We can at least try, right? XD ))

    Jo sighed in defeat. She knew she'd be beaten by Chef even before she'd come into the kitchen. She could make enough to get by herself, but it wasn't like she could cook for four hundred people. She looked down at the plate of pancakes, then pushed them towards the grub with a sigh. Her ten pancakes to his fifty cubes were incomparable.

    "We'll go with your method." She remembered how Zurg had told her that if one minion got special treatment it would be unfair to the others, especially regarding terms of food. Exemptions couldn't be made, for that showed favoritism. And despite what Jo was, she wasn't more important than any grub or brain pod standing in the line.

    She took one of his cubes and sampled it in resignation.... but was surprised to find how delicious it was. She chewed slowly, then swallowed, and slowly stared at Chef. "How'd you do this?!" she demanded.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sun Feb 20, 2011 2:56 am

    "Ohoho, it is my trade secret, no?" Chef, pleased with her reaction, got off the stool and waddled past the woman with its hands behind its back. It oversaw the machines quickly producing breakfast and when it saw the minion line start to move, the peons content with getting their meal for the morning, it then turned to face Jo.

    "Ze, ah, Evil Emperor told me zat you did not like my current style." It admitted slowly, doing best not to seem hurt as it sniffed proudly. "So I, eh, changed ze recipe a bit. Added some more spices. I needed to get rid of ze excess cinnamon, anyvay."

    And the minions seemed to agree with the small but important change as not a single one came back to complain.

    ((Try we shall!))


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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Feb 20, 2011 3:29 am

    Jo blinked. Now that was surprising. "You changed them for me? 'Cause Zurg said I didn't like them?" She didn't know what to make of that. She would have to thank Zurg for that, but then again Jo felt a little bad that the chef had been forced to change things just because she hadn't been happy about it.

    "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude when I said I didn't like them. I was just being honest," she apologized, hoping he wouldn't be more insulted than he already was. How embarrassing. "You shouldn't have gone through all that trouble.... But these taste really good now! I have no reason to complain about them anymore." Cubes still seemed a little measly to her, but she was not ungrateful. A little picky in her food, but never ungrateful.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sun Feb 20, 2011 4:12 am

    "Zat is Evil Emperor." Chef corrected sternly with a wagging finger. But it ultimately drew out a sigh and shook its head. "No, no. It is not zat I was forced, see." It held up its palms with a tired shrug. "It was because I 'ave gotten many complaints before and, vell, you are ze bunzel zat broke ze moozle's back. I vant people to eat my creations, not complain. Zat is ze dream of all chefs."

    But if Jo thought she had put a crimper in Chef's morning she would be pleasantly surprised. The fact that she found the cubes sufficient now got its eyes to sparkle and Chef rubbed its hands. A typical grub trait. "No complaining, you say?" It ended on an amused note, twirling its mustache a bit. "Vell, I suppose ze Evil Emperor isn't quite 'opeless in ze kitchen. Ze man has ze hands of a god. But you probably already know zat. NOW!"

    It went over to a machine and began to input the menu for lunch.

    "If you vould like to ask any questions now vould be ze time to ask zem. I am a busy grub, after all."

    Did Jo have any questions for the grub?

    ((Gack! Sorry this took so long. I was nodding off. At least we tried, Jo!))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Feb 20, 2011 4:24 am

    Jo could understand. A mechanic's dream was similar; for clients to be happy with what she built. If people came to her and complained, it would upset her, so she felt for Chef Grub and was quick to reassure him. "Nope, no complaining here!" Jo was eager to grab some of those cubes and have some breakfast.... even though the plate of pancakes was still there. Sigh.

    "He sure does have the hands of a god...." Jo smiled to herself, recalling a recent event with a happy smile on her face. She nibbled a bit on the cube, thinking back on that....

    And questions? Oh, she sure had a question to ask, alright. And it was a very important question. How fortunate that he was preparing lunch's menu!

    "Will lunch include burritos?"

    (( Oh, well. I'll try to get on early tomorrow! How does 5 my time sound? Good? ))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sun Feb 20, 2011 1:45 pm

    You know that saying? That there's never a stupid question? Yeah, Jo just broke it. Shocked, the Chef slowly turned to face the mechanic and it looked at her with concerned eyes, its mouth slightly agape.

    "I... do not zink zat... I 'ave enoug' supplies to make ze burritos." Chef stated slowly. Burritos? How in the Cosmos--! "A-Anyvay, do you 'ave any questions pertaining to myself? To vhy I speak zis vay? To per'aps 'ow I 'ave gotten zis unique position? Ze Evil Emperor said you vere a curious sort."

    ((That can work! I should be home by then...))


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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:48 pm

    Oh, well. It was worth a shot. But Jo had already pretty much known that burritos would be impossible. Craters, she was starting to go on withdrawal after a week.

    "Oh! Right!" She'd almost forgotten that he was a grub that spoke with a funny accent. Come to think of it, that was pretty weird. She had probably gotten so used to funny accents on Portal Breach that she hadn't even thought to ask before her craving for burritos. Shame on her!

    "How did you become the chef and start talking like.... however it is you talk?" She leaned on the counter to eye him, from his hat to his apron to the curly mustache stuck upon his exoskeleton.

    (( Right on the dot! ))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sun Feb 20, 2011 8:09 pm

    Finally, some decent conversation for once. Chef was beginning to think that the woman was daft and socially awkward just like the Evil Emperor himself! "Vell, since you asked so nicely..." The grub ceased tinkering with a boiler and spun to face her, as was courteous. "I talk zis vay because ven I was trained to speak ze language someone t'ought it funny to swap out ze normal Basic program vit ze Basic from Ma'ambas VI program." It snorted at the recollection with an aggravated snap of its fingers.

    "I speak zis vay because it vas the first zing I 'eard at ze time. Sadly I cannot stop talking like zis, eit'er. It is a part of 'ho I am." Now that this was clarified the Chef had a question of its own. "Now, tell me 'ow you managed to catch ze Evil Emperor's eye, girl."

    Ever so blunt, ever so fat.

    ((Almost! An hour late, alas. I blame traffic.))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Feb 20, 2011 8:33 pm

    Oh, that had to be annoying. Jo knew that a lot of aliens had problems trying to learn basic. Zurg popped into her head just then, who pronounced some words in a very distinct way. She found it nice, but she could imagine how it could be aggravating for someone who had learned Basic to find out that they had learned it wrong.

    "It's not so bad," Jo reassured him. "You're understandable and it gives you a certain flair. It's like it makes you more of a chef than you already are!" she added brightly, and speaking of which she hadn't heard how he'd become a chef either. "So how did you end up cooking for all of Zurg's staff?"

    And as for the chef's question, Jo didn't rightly know how to answer it herself. "I really don't know. The way we first met was bad. We hit it off on the wrong foot immediately. I won't go into details, but it made us both realize how we'd gone too far. So.... apologies were said and we decided to start over. We started talking, got to know each other.... and that's pretty much how it happened."

    (( And I blame work and chores! XD ))
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sun Feb 20, 2011 10:01 pm

    "You say zat now..." The Chef wagged yet another finger. "...but once you start speaking ze way of ze foreigner zey mock you. Laug' at your silly little accent. It is cruel, no?" The grub gave a heartfelt tear and wiped it away with a whimpering mandible. Somewhere, somehow the planet's smallest violin had been playing. Just this itty, bitty little medley of sadness from a pipe. Just a bit. Of course, Jo's praise and support got the Chef to literally snap up straight and true. "You mean zat...?" It asked in disbelief, wondering if the girl was playing with its delicate, fragile heart strings. After all, Chef was a lover not a fighter!

    With a happy belly chuckle the portly minion rubbed its hands again. "I ended up like zis because I vas ze only grub at ze time 'ho knew 'ow to cook and not poison ze Evil Emperor." Chef began in detail. "You see, ze Evil Emperor is quite paranoid." It rotated a finger in a circle near the side of its heads, eyes derpish. "As such, 'e is vary of 'ho cooks for 'im. Besides, I make ze food 'ow 'e likes it. Salty, easy to chew, and othervise boring to make." It sneaked in a flat note, eyes cross. "It is not much room to be creative vit 'im. Somezing about sugar and lactose. I forget."

    Chef shrugged, thus concluding the short story of how it came to be chef, and it was instead interested in Jo's contribution amongst all the kitchen noise.

    "Let me guess." It twirled its mustache. "You insulted 'is dress attire. O', yes. Zat is very bad. 'e is quite sensitive of 'is choice in fashion." And at this Chef stuck up its mandible to the air, haughty. "A proper man in ze current vorld--vell, ze currently destroyed vorld--vould not be vearing a dress, but!" It held up a fast finger. "Ze Evil Emperor is neizer proper nor does 'e care vat everyone else zinks. Vell, except per'aps you. 'e obviously cared to make me change ze menu..." Oh, yes. A sore discussion was to be had later with the man. Change its menu? Not likely!

    "But back your story!" Chef smiled, intrigued. "Apologies, 'mm? My, zat is rare. Normally 'e 'as ze final say and zat is zat. Business as usual. 'e must 'ave 'ad some outside influence to come to ze conclusion zat an apology vas needed, yes? Go on, go on. Zere is more to zis, I know it!"

    ((And life!))


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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Feb 20, 2011 10:31 pm

    Jo could understand where Chef was coming from. People could be very mean and very spiteful at anything different. She too had fallen victim to it. And she'd been just as distrustful. Why, these mush cubes were only one example out of many how people judged before they tried something. She didn't fall prey to that very often, but when she did she felt bad about it.

    "It is cruel, Chef Grub," she agreed, patting his back. "And of course I do! I don't lie, Chef. I'm always upfront about what I feel." Like her not liking the cubes? Oh yeah, she'd definitely not shied away from admitting to not liking them, nope.

    "Zurg's lactose-intolerant and sugar can kill him," Jo reminded the portly minion. "And he does like salty and bitter foods." Funny how he loved cooking in general and could make amazing sweets as well as dishes but he just couldn't enjoy them! Poor Zurg.... she wondered whether he'd perfected that sugar-resistant pill yet or whether it was still in the planning stages.

    She sighed. "Yeah, I called him a cross-dresser. Bad move on my part, I know." She chuckled a bit, remembering how things had just gone from bad to worse, then fell silent, rubbing her neck. "But I like his robes now. They add to his personality. I think it's great that he doesn't care what others think about him."

    She was surprised to hear that he cared about her opinion, but then again she cared about his too. Zurg's opinion and maybe a select few others were the only opinions that mattered to Jo. And his staff was one of them. She wanted to make a good impression on them and she hoped she was succeeding with Chef so far. She didn't want to be attacked by the rolling pin again.

    "Actually, I didn't want to apologize at first either," Jo admitted, looking up at the ceiling as she recalled what had happened. "But Red--he stepped in and made Zurg apologize to me. I apologized too and.... well, here we are now." Jo didn't want to mention how Zurg had dangled her over a rooftop. The minions were notorious gossips and even though Chef seemed less of a gossip than them, Jo didn't think the story would fly by all that well with him.

    (( Yes indeed, and life. XD ))

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