Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

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    Zurg
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sat Feb 19, 2011 1:17 am

    And sure enough, there was a text for her.

    Oh, and a word of warning: the minions are gossipers. Notoriously. But I'm sure you've already discovered that. Try to be more careful next time, hmm?

    Well, not as bad as she thought, right? Right...? The minions suddenly crowded around her, eager to see what she had been sent, their eyes glued.

    "What does it say, what does it say?!"

    "Are you going to be sent to the Torture Division!?"

    "Will you be fed cake?"

    Everyone couldn't help but stare down at Grub-068, unamused.


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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sat Feb 19, 2011 2:34 am

    Jo read the text, sighing in relief. She'd been afraid that Zurg would have been mad, but he didn't seem furious. Just... disappointed. She'd really have to make sure to keep her mouth shut around the minions. At least about the important things.

    She saw them crowding around and pressed the PDA to her chest so they wouldn't read it. "Uh, nothing! It's none of your business! Just get back to waiting in line for mushy food cubes!" She waved her hand at the closest, trying to shoo them away as she exited the message and stuffed the PDA into her pocket again.

    Well, that was a disaster.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:02 am

    Nothing, huh? While the grubs were satisified with the answer, the lackwits not knowing any better, the brain pods weren't fooled. "Uh, yeah. What do we look like, lady, pickled noodles?" Brain pod 24 snorted, rolling its eyes. "I mean, hellOOOO! We're brains! In JARS. We can figure out things for ourselves!"

    "Yes, it's called inductive reasoning." A fellow brain pod huffed up proudly.

    "That's deductive." Snorted a grub, hands upon hips.

    And thus, the minions fell into a spat about the difference between inductive and deductive. Chaos ensued and the line had been disrupted as that was the final bunzel to break the moozle's back. The Hornets quickly activated their stun prods and zapped a few unruly peons but even they were severely outnumbers. Jo caused this. There was no doubt about it. Through all the noise and racket, trays being used as clubs and morning stars, at least one thing shone was a silver lining: the line was gone and Jo was free to slip away undetected to the front!


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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:10 am

    If that was a disaster, then this was a nightmare.

    Jo wasn't even sure just how she'd caused this ruckus, but she had. Trays started flying everywhere, angry shouts escalating, and the Hornets stepped forwards with their stunner pikes at the ready and already zapping a few helpless minions. But that did leave the opening clear!

    Jo grabbed a tray that flew in midair towards her, then ducked, slipping between brain pods and grubs and skidding below stunner pikes as she made for the front like a crater viper. The line was so big that it took her a minute to get to the front of the line, but even here there was fighting. So what did Jo do?

    She slipped right in front, tray at the ready, eager to be served with an extra-large portion of food cubes. She had better get an extra helping after all this!
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:26 am

    Jo was a clever girl. She successfully navigated the mayhem that was breakfast and just in time; more riot control Hornets had come marching in, zapping and tapping anyone who got in their way. Needless to say, the minions were rather rambunctious today! My goodness. If the Evil Emperor were here these little slackers would have behaved in a jiffy! Look what Jo did.

    At the front of the line and out of that awful mess, the mechanic was free to observe what was on the menu. Awaiting her would be piping-hot cubes that were supposed to taste like bunzel cakes, cosmic biscuits, hash browns, ghlaarf sausage, and other common breakfast dishes. And if one did not want any of those listed above, they could opt for the protein bar -- which had a sickly green texture and seemed... rough around the edges. A classic for the brain pods who craved brain food.

    Drinks were further down the counter, punch being the bountiful one. Milk was, sadly, not on the menu and instead was replaced with a white, watery substitute.

    Ew....


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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:37 am

    Jo stood on the front of line and looked over the menu curiously. Apparently there were all sorts of tasty dishes--correct that, cubes that tasted like tasty dishes. And she was definitely not getting the protein bar. And as for something to drink, she'd probably get the punch. Probably.

    "Craters, why does it have to be food cubes?" she muttered to herself, reaching out for some of the hash brown cubes. She'd go with those, along with some glhaarf sausage, and maybe some bunzel cakes and cosmic biscuits on the side.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:41 am

    But the moment would think to wrap her little fingers around a tasty (depends how you look at it) morsel, she would suddenly feel a sharp, instant pain upon her knuckles!

    WHACK!

    An oblong and firm shape would fill her vision in a blur and before the mechanic could realize what had happened, there came a nasally voice ahead of her. "You are not zinking of taking one of my creations, no?" Came the wary tone. There, behind the counter, was none other than a very portly, thick grub. It wore a white suit and apron complete with a chef's hat, and it even had a fake curled mustache glued to its exoskeleton!

    This was none other than Chef, and it was not pleased to see Jo take food without asking!



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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:47 am

    "Ow! Cosmos!" Jo instantly drew her hand back, wincing. Craters, that had hurt! She fixed the portly grub with an angry glare as she rubbed her tender knuckles. "Why not?" she demanded. "We're supposed to eat the mush cubes, aren't we?" If she could have things her way, she'd be eating a glorious burrito right about now.

    She looked the grub up and down, noting its apron and the fake mustache. "Are you the chef?" She had some things to tell this chef and it had everything and anything to do with his precious creations.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:50 am

    "Yah." The Chef gave Jo the best sarcastic 'duh' face ever. "You are supposed to eat ze cubes, yes. But zat is NOT vhy I am smacking you!" It brought up its rolling pin to smack Jo's other hand when it noticed her trying to give it the old fake-and-switch routine. Hey, as Chef it knew the drill with sneaky minions. "But you." It then pointed the tip of the pin at her, squinting with a single eye.

    "You do not like my cooking, ohoho! I am not thrilled to 'ear zat! No!"

    This was apparently about Jo's comments saying that the food was horrible. It had pride, woman, pride!


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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:55 am

    "Ow! Stop that, blast it!" That rolling pin hurt! If Jo could have her way she'd grab it from him and break it. That ought to teach him for using a cooking utensil as a weapon.

    "Well, I don't like it 'cause it's just cubes." But her stomach betrayed her and growled loudly at that point. So she had to add with another small grumble, "Why make cubes when you can make actual food? Which would probably be more fulfilling and tasty, too."
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:07 am

    "Just cubes...!?" If there was one thing Jo should have never said, it was saying that a Chef's food--their art--was just cubes. With a angry shriek the grub let out a fearsome war cry and waved that rolling pin around menacingly. "Zis is not just cubes, silly girl!" It practically spat at her. Jo should also be aware that Chef, as it was called, had quite the funny accent.

    "Zis is my life's vork! Zis!" It gestured to all the steaming cubes before them both upon the counter. "Vhile ze cubes are not ze most appetizing, I am vorking vit a budget! I cannot simply enjoy ze leisure of popping in somezing into ze microvave and call it food! No! 'ere, on Planet Z, I am given a task and zat is to make sure ve do not go over ze budget on ze food!" Chef ranted as it leaned upon the counter to give Jo the stink eye. "Besides, you do not even know 'ow much it costs to feed over four-hundred people each day. It is bad enough zat I cannot get ze Evil Emperor to eat more zan a measly salad." It concluded on an extremely prejudice note.

    "A salad! 'ow paltry for a man of 'is size! YOU should eat ze salad, chubby!"
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:23 am

    Cosmos hath no fury like a chef scorned! Jo raised her tray defensively just in case he tried to use that rolling pin on her again, but he just waved it in the air like it was a beacon of justice as he went on to explain just what those cubes really were.

    "How do you make them in the first place if you don't have staple food?" Besides processing them extensively and squeezing out the essence of the flavor. Or however the system worked, Jo wouldn't know. She could understand that there was a budget, but would it really kill him to make something a little more appetizing? Really?

    And all Zurg ate was salads? Well, it wasn't cubes, was it? Right now, she'd probably go for the salad herself. Anything to get her hands on some real food! But the grub needn't even worry. "Relax, Big Z's got that name for a reason, you know."

    But then he called her chubby. Oh, that would so not fly. "Me? Chubby!" She snorted. "I've only got cushion for the pushing! I'm just fine the way I am." She puffed her cheeks out sourly.

    And Jo had just successfully made two dirty jokes in less than a minute. You can blame her RPer for that, if you want. It's late.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:30 am

    "'mph! Zat is 'ighly inappropriate talk for a proper lady..." The Chef was not going to stoop to her level, or even bathe in the metaphorical gutter. If the girl wanted to dispute its art, so be it! "Come! If you zink you are fine ze way you are, zen you will not mind accompanying me to ze kitchen and producing your own food. After all, one must not lose zeir cushion when it comes time for ze pushin'. 'mph!"

    Mandibles in the air, the Chef hopped of its stool and closed the bar. Metal fencing slid over all the food, thus keeping Jo out, and forcing her no choice but to follow. If she wanted to eat, she would heed her stomach and go!
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:35 am

    "I don't care what people think about me." She did a little, sometimes, but for the most part she could care less about whether she didn't talk like a "proper lady" like she was supposed to.

    Jo puffed her cheeks out even more. She didn't know how to cook. She bet that fat grub knew that somehow. But she'd show him what a real breakfast was supposed to be like. She'd find their staple food, alright. "Fine, I'm coming. And I'll push some cushion, alright!"

    She left her tray on the counter, not even casting the hidden mushy cubes another look as she followed him into the kitchen. She did briefly wonder whether the other minions would ever be fed at this rate, but right now it was time to show that chef what a real breakfast looked like.
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    Re: Let's See This Freak Show Staff....

    Post by Zurg on Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:42 am

    And she was going to put those words directly into her mouth by the end of this. Like a proper lady.

    Inside the kitchen it was far from the ordinary, average domain of food prepary. Like the robot factor and weapons facility Jo had seen during the first few days here, the kitchen was really no different. Giant robots integrated into the floor, the ceiling, or the walls functioned with impressive noise, their appendages and bodies modified solely for cooking. One resembled an oven, another a hot stove top, and there was even a tiny one as a blender! Conveyor belts zigzagged all around, creating a labyrinth of rotating gears and churning surfaces. It was just like a regular assembly line, except it created food and not things to harm people with.

    "Do you like it so far?" Chef asked, twirling a finger around its fake mustache. "Zis is ze kitchen floor, vhere ve prepare--zat is, ze robots and I--ze food for ze consumption. 'ere we 'ave ze oven, ze stove, ze compressor, ze mincer, ze blender, ze--" And so it went. It would be a good fifteen minutes of Chef explaining the various machines and contraptions within the factory-sized facility. Who knew a kitchen on Planet Z wasn't like the one back at Jo's apartment?

    When it finished listing off the various cooking ware and appliances Chef turned to Jo, satisfied and smug that the woman would be in awe. "Vell? Do you still vant to get vit ze cooking and ze making? Or, are you content to push ze cushion vit zat planet-sized rump roast of yours."


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