Portal Breach: The Collision of Worlds :: v.4.0


    Something smells like... BUSINESS!

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    Zurg
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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Zurg on Sun Jan 09, 2011 4:56 am

    "Ooh, yes!" Zurg clapped his hands together and practically bounced out of the chair, gliding over to Proxy like a shark in bloodied Bathyosian waters. He took not once, not twice, but three circles around the poor robot before draping an arm around Proxy and pulling him close in a squeeze. "Do so entertain me, my dear Proxy." The Evil Emperor finished in a low whisper with a sinister smile.

    Oh, yes. He was going to enjoy this.
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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:05 am

    "If you do not mind, Zurg-Emperor, I am attempting to work here. I must not lose my count when doing inventory." That was a rather weak argument since Proxy was a robot and couldn't possibly forget where he left off in counting, but he felt weirded out by Zurg being so near and practically all over him.

    "Play nice, boys!" Jo grinned. "I'll go grab something from the fridge and check on the machine downstairs." And before Proxy could ask Jo to stay, she had already left the room.

    Proxy hoped Zeb came to his aid. But judging by how much he was concentrating on his own work, the chances were highly unlikely. Proxy was trapped!
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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Zurg on Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:35 am

    "Don't be silly, Proxy, my boy! You're a robot, you don't lose count." You will have to do better than that, Proxy, in order to trick someone who programmed robots himself. Much better than that! Zurg did appreciate a good game of cat and mouse, though, and he pinched Proxy's cheek, so to speak, out of good sportsmanship. Or was that Evilemperorship? Zurg could make up words because he was an Evil Emperor!

    Proxy was trapped, and Zurg sensed it like stink on a moozle. "What are you going to do, Proxy, hmmmMMMM~?" Did he say he was going to enjoy it? He was absolutely going to cherish it!


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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:42 am

    Yeah, the cheek-pinching and the leering wasn't helping. "Hopefully ignore you...." Proxy said. "At least until I count these bolts."

    Oh, wait! Proxy felt like he wanted to smack himself. He was probably out of whack and needed resync-ing. He should have come up with this idea before!

    "Why don't you help me, Zurg-Emperor?" He pushed a box towards him. "If you could count these screws for me and tell me how many you have, I would be grateful."
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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Zurg on Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:44 am

    Proxy might as well have handed Jo a crate filled with guano, for Zurg sneered at it in disgust and shoved it right back into the robot's chest. "What do I look like, your peer! That's Brooks! Make him count the bolts in the box! So long as Jo doesn't pay me to work in her store, I don't work! PERIOD!" And it was already known that the Evil Emperor had an issue with decibels.

    If the robot thought he could outsmart Zurg, then he was in for a very rude awakening. Needed a better tactic than that!


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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:58 am

    Ohoho, so that had sparked a reaction. Proxy filed that for late use. It might prove useful. "I do not get paid either. I help because I want to." But of course charity wouldn't move Zurg, so Proxy wouldn't attempt it as he continued to count bolts.

    "I have started decoding some portions of the book you gave me," he said, keeping a conversational tone as he moved to another box. "I have uncovered a few basic things. It is a very interesting read so far."
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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Zurg on Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:02 am

    "Eh, I don't do the whole charity thing." Zurg wiggled his fingers like he was ridding something disgusting from them. Ew, being nice and giving from the heart! Sickening! But he did take interest in what Proxy mentioned about the decoding, and the Evil Emperor swung around the robot again, pinching Proxy's other cheek.

    "Do tell, my dear!" He goaded.


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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:20 am

    Proxy's shoulders twitched, but he made no move to remove Zurg and simply kept counting screws. "Simply a very basic outline so far. That you were a halfling, born to bridge the gap between two peoples. Then you assuming the throne after the demise of your sires. Then your fall from the throne and the fall of your people." The robot jotted something down on his PDA, then opened another box. "Things that are common knowledge for those who are already close to you."
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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Zurg on Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:25 am

    "You make it sound so... impersonal. This is my LIFE you're talking about~!" Zurg then cupped Proxy's equivalent to a chin and dragged the robot's head, if not a bit forcefully down to the Evil Emperor's own eye level. And if Proxy so wondered then yes, Zurg could outclass him in a brawl any day of the week. But he didn't pursue such brutish mentality and he let go after saying, "So try to add a little... pep into it! I am a peppy person, after all! Now!"

    The Evil Emperor glided away and took the box of bolts and bits Proxy had been fussing about. "All you said was common knowledge--hardly worth a kernel here! I do blame my, ahem, loose lips for that but never mind such frivolities! I want to hear what people don't know. What only I know. Start with the first thing you decoded~!" And Proxy would not get that box back until he did.


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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Mon Jan 10, 2011 1:03 am

    Zurg really had an issue with personal space. He hated people invading his personal space and yet made invading other's like no one's business. And Proxy couldn't help sounding impersonal. He was a robot. It was in his nature. But since Zurg wanted something personal, Proxy could give him personal.

    "You had a little doll that you carried around everywhere," the robot stated simply, fingers itching to get the boxes back. "The doll was your only true friend in life, the only one who gave you the love and nurture you so desired from your parents. You never really had any friends when you were a child."

    Proxy also took a moment to consider whether this was too personal. But it was the first thing Proxy had managed to decode.
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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Zurg on Mon Jan 10, 2011 2:35 am

    "Hmm. Mind if I... interrupt?" Zurg then scowled and issued his so-called interruption in a growl. "It wasn't a doll." There came a pause. "It was an action figure. There's a difference!" He shouted at the robot incredulously. Didn't Proxy know that dolls and action figures were not the same! Of course he didn't! He was a robot! He didn't have toys!

    "B-B-But I'm picking at details!" The Evil Emperor was still scowling as he waved a hand furiously. "You're right. I did have a little companion. However, that is where your correctness ends. My companion was not my only friend in life, and she wasn't the only one to give me love and nurture--it just comes in different forms. I know that now. What else did you learn in that book of dark secrets."


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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Mon Jan 10, 2011 2:42 am

    Proxy didn't really know what the difference was, but judging by Zurg's reaction, he had hit a nerve. He still didn't give him back his box, instead insisting on asking more questions. If Proxy could, he'd probably be sighing now.

    "Of an encounter you had with some children. They called your mother something (I never understood the word, but it seemed to be derogatory) and you attacked them." The robot paused. "However, you were punished for it. But I do not understand why," he said helplessly.
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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Zurg on Mon Jan 10, 2011 2:45 am

    "Ah, that's old news too." So far Zurg was not impressed. Far from it. Here he had given Proxy something to dabble in, and the robot brings up stale subjects! The Evil Emperor had put more faith in Proxy than that. To express his disinterest, Zurg picked up a bolt to examine it under his scrutinizing gaze and continued to speak, rolling it within his palm.

    "If you want the answer to that ask Liz Sherman. I've already told a citizen that story."


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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Jo Pistonne on Mon Jan 10, 2011 2:54 am

    What did Zurg want, some kind of deep, dark secret he'd never told anyone before? Probably, but Proxy hadn't managed to decode a lot of things. The robot, dipped its head, thinking, wondering what Zurg could possibly be after.

    "You periodically purged your mind of.... unpleasant thoughts, memories," the robot finally said slowly. "Things you wanted to forget.... things you wanted to remember.... and you'd store them away like your precious artifacts. Lost remnants of your people."

    Most of what Proxy had decoded was of Zurg's earlier life, but he had attempted a reading at a few latter events as well. He wondered whether this would be enough or whether Zurg would be yet again disappointed in him.
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    Re: Something smells like... BUSINESS!

    Post by Zurg on Mon Jan 10, 2011 3:02 am

    Close, but no cigar. Zurg only yawned this time, tossing the screw up and down without a care. "Even older news. Proxy, I didn't think you would take this long to decode my writing! Seems our scriptures are as hard as they were decades ago. Don't worry. The last person who tried took a year to figure out a single page." The Evil Emperor then handed the box back to Proxy, bored with it.

    "Many people here know that I've partaken in the act of memory purging." He shrugged casually. "And it's not a skill limited to my own kind. I know of other folks who employ it--just not upon themselves. If you want to know details I haven't undergone a wipe in a good long while. The nightmares are bearable that way."


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